fi ' . 


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of  Utopian  Literature 


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UTOPIA 


THE  VOYAGE 


OF 


CAPTAIN    POPANILLA, 


THK 


VOYAGE 


OP 


CAPTAIN    POPANILLA 


BY 


THE  AUTHOR  OF  «  \1VIAN  GIlEl ." 


Tiavellerd  ne'er  did  lie,  though  fools  at  home  condemn  \m. 


PHILADELPHIA : 

CAREY,  LEA,  AND  CAREY— CHESNUT  STREET. 

SOLD    I.N'    NEW    YORK    BY    G.    AND    C.    CARVILL IN    BOSTON,    BV 

MUNROE    AND    FRANCIS. 

1828. 


Adam  Waldie  and  Co.  Printers. 


TO 

ROBERT  WARD.  ESQ, 

&c.  &c.  &;c. 

OF  CUESHAM  WOBURN  HALL,  IN  THE  COUNTY  OF  BUCKS, 

THE  FOLLOWING  PAGES 

ARE    INSCRIBED,    BY    ONE 

WHO   ADMIRES   HIS    TALENTS,   AND 

ESTEEMS    HIS   FRIENDSHIP. 


ADVERTISEMENT. 


This  Narrative  of  the  Voyage  of  Captain 
Popanilla  is  drawn  up  from  a  volume  once  in 
the  possession  of  my  esteemed  friend,  the  late 
Professor  Dunkel,  of  Heidelburg,  and  given  to 
him  by  a  Russian  gentleman,  who  purchased  it 
of  an  Armenian  at  Teflis. 

The  manuscript  is  in  modern  Greek.  1  offer 
this  as  a  very  free  translation.  In  preparing  it 
for  the  English  reader,  I  have  introduced  many 
expressions  which  an  English  reader  only  can 
comprehend  ;  and  I  have  not  hesitated,  in  nu- 
merous instances,  to  substitute  terms  and  titles 
peculiar  to  ourselves  and  our  country,  whenever 
I  thought  that  they  would  render  the  narrative 


Vlll  ADVERTISEMENT. 

more  clear  and  simple,  and  were  justified  by 
equivalent  expressions  in  the  original.  I  ought, 
however,  to  confess,  that  all  this  was  done,  and 
the  whole  Translation  executed  under  the  idea 
that  that  original  was  of  course  a  fiction ;  but  I 
have  since  discovered,  with  no  slight  dismay, 
that  the  learned  Dunkel  was  of  a  different  opin- 
ion. He  has  left  a  dissertation  upon  the  pro- 
bable locality  of  Vraibleusia,  and  is  inchned  to 
believe  the  Indian  Isle  to  be  the  Taprobane 
of  the  Ancients. 


THE  VOYAGE 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA. 


CHAPTER  I. 

There  is  an  Island  in  the  Indian  Ocean,  so 
unfortunate  as  not  yet  to  have  been  visited 
either  by  Discovery  Ships  or  Bible  Societies. 
Nature,  however,  w^ho,  as  philosophers  daily 
prove,  often  behaves  in  a  very  unnatural  man- 
ner, has  not  evinced  by  her  conduct  a  due  sense 
of  the  ignorance  and  irreligion  of  this  place ; 
but,  on  the  contrary,  has  lavished  on  it  blessings 
not  enjoyed  by  countries  far  more  chemical  and 
christian. 


'Z  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

If  I  had  possessed  that  profound  historical 
knowledge  which  is  so  essentially  necessary  to 
writers  of  fiction,  I  would  have  commenced  this 
tale  with  a  dissertation  on  the  dynasty  and  doc- 
trines of  Buddha.  If  I  had  been  gifted  with  that 
statistical  head  for  which  our  high  priests  of 
Fancy  are  so  justly  celebrated,  I  might  per- 
haps have  compensated  for  the  uninteresting 
character  of  my  hero,  by  giving  a  minute  ac- 
count of  the  natural  and  artificial  objects  of  the 
countries  in  which  he  ought  to  be  interesting. 
But  all  this  is  above  me.  1  can  imitate  the  in- 
ventors of  the  present  day  only  in  one  particular 
— all  that  1  write  is  fact. 

The  description  of  my  island  has  cost  me  six 
months  of  constant  composition,  and  each  day  it 
has  grown  more  misty.  I  have  consulted  pub- 
lic libraries,  and  I  have  exhausted  private  col- 
lections. I  have  authorities  for  every  circum- 
stance, and  every  creature ;  my  geography  is 
most  chorographically  correct,  my  botany  most 
generically  minute,  my  mineralogy  indisputable. 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA. 


my  geology  undisputed  ;  not  less  profound,  and 
not  less  acurate,  are  my  zoology,  my  ornitho- 
logy, and  my  icthyology.  Yet,  with  all  my 
longitudes,  and  latitudes ;  all  my  shrubs,  and 
trees,  and  flowers,  and  forests ;  all  my  precious 
stones,  and  all  my  primitive  formations ;  all  my 
beasts,  and  all  my  birds,  and  all  my  fishes ;  my 
Indian  Isle  is  about  as  intelligible  as  a  man  who 
has  accepted  office  without  his  party. 

Our  national  phrase  maintains,  that  it  is 
easier  to  imagine  than  to  describe.  The  anti- 
quity of  this  axiom,  like  the  antiquity  of  many 
other  things,  must  be,  with  all  candid  and  dis- 
cerning minds,  indisputable  evidence  of  its 
truth ;  otherwise,  were  one  to  judge  from  our 
modern  romances,  one  might  be  tempted  to  sus- 
pect that  this  aphorism  should  be  reversed. 
This,  as  it  may  be ;  my  island  must  be  left  to 
the  fancy  of  my  readers.  It  is  a  place  where  all 
those  things  are  constantly  found  which  men 
most  desire  to  see,  and  with  the  sight  of  which 
they    are    seldom    favoured.      It    abounds     in 


4  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

flowers,  and  fruit,  and  sunshine.  Lofty  moun- 
tains, covered  with  green  and  mighty  forests, 
except  where  the  red  rocks  catch  the  fierce 
beams  of  the  blazing  sun,  bowery  valleys, 
broad  lakes,  gigantic  trees,  and  gushing  rivers 
bursting  from  rocky  gorges,  are  crowned  with 
a  purple  and  ever  cloudless  sky.  Summer,  in 
its  most  unctuous  state  and  most  mellow  ma- 
jesty, is  here  perpetual.  So  intense  and  over- 
powering, in  the  daytime,  is  the  rich  union  of 
heat  and  perfume,  that  living  animal  or  creature 
is  never  visible ;  and  were  you  and  I  to  pluck, 
before  sunset,  the  huge  fruit  from  yonder  teem- 
ing tree,  we  might  fancy  ourselves  for  the  mo- 
ment the  future  sinners  of  another  Eden.  Yet  a 
solitude  it  is  not. 

The  island  is  surrounded  by  a  calm  and  blue 
lagoon,  formed  by  a  ridge  of  coral  rocks,  which 
break  the  swell  of  the  ocean,  and  prevent  the 
noxious  spray  from  banishing  the  rich  shrubs 
which  grow  even  to  the  water's  edge.  It  is  a 
few  minutes   before   sunset,   that  the  first  inti- 


CAPTAIN   POPANILLA.  5 

mation  of  animal  existence  in  this  seeming  soli- 
tude is  given,  bj  the  appearance  of  mermaids  ; 
who,  floating  on  the  rosy  sea,  congregate 
about  these  rocks.  They  sound  a  loud  but 
melodious  chorus  from  their  sea  shells,  and  a 
faint  and  distant  chorus  soon  answers  from  the 
island.  The  mermaidens  immediately  repeat 
their  salutations,  and  are  greeted  with  a  nearer 
and  a  louder  answer.  As  the  red  and  rayless 
sun  drops  into  the  glowing  waters,  the  choruses 
simultaneously  join  ;  and  rushing  from  the  woods, 
and  down  the  mountain  steeps  to  the  nearest 
shore,  crowds  of  human  beings,  at  the  same  mo- 
ment, appear  and  collect. 

The  inhabitants  of  this  island,  in  form  and 
face,  do  not  misbecome  the  clime  and  the  coun- 
try. With  the  vivacity  of  a  Faun,  the  men 
combine  the  strength  of  a  Hercules,  and  the 
beauty  of  an  Adonis  ;  and,  as  their  most  inte- 
resting companions  flash  upon  his  presence,  the 
least    classical  of  poets  might  be   excused  for 

imagining,  that,  like  their  blessed  Goddess,  the 

2* 


6  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

women  had  magically  sprung  from  the  brilliant 
foam  of  that  ocean,  which  is  gradually  subsiding 
before  them. 

But  Sunset  in  this  land  is  not  the  signal 
merely  for  the  evidence  of  human  existence. 
At  the  moment  that  the  islanders,  crowned  with 
flowers,  and  waving  goblets  and  garlands,  burst 
from  their  retreats,  upon  each  mountain  peak 
a  lion  starts  forward,  stretches  his  proud  tail, 
and  bellowing  to  the  sun,  scours  back  exulting 
to  his  forest — immense  bodies,  which  before 
would  have  been  mistaken  for  the  trunks  of 
trees,  now  move  into  life  ;  and  serpents,  untwin- 
ing their  green  and  glittering  folds,  and  slowly 
bending  their  crested  heads  around,  seem  proud- 
ly conscious  of  a  voluptuous  existence — troops 
of  monkeys  leap  from  tree  to  tree — panthers  start 
forward,  and  alarmed,  not  alarming,  instantly 
vanish — a  herd  of  milk-white  elephants  tram- 
ples over  the  back-ground  of  the  scene  ;  and 
instead  of  gloomy  owls  and  noxious  beetles,  to 
hail  the  long  enduring  twilight,  from  the  bell  of 


CAPTAIN    POPANILLA.  7 

every  opening  flower,  beautiful  birds,  radiant 
with  every  rainbow  tint,  rush  v^nth  a  long  and 
living  melody  into  the  cool  air. 

The  twilight  in  this  island  is  not  that  tran- 
sient moment  of  unearthly  bhss,  which,  in  our 
less  favoured  regions,  always  leaves  us  so 
thoughtful  and  so  sad;  on  the  contrary,  it  lasts 
many  hours,  and  consequently  the  Islanders  are 
neither  moody  nor  sorrowful.  As  they  sleep 
during  the  day,  four  or  five  hours  of  "  tipsy 
dance  and  revelry"  are  exercise,  and  not  fatigue. 
At  length,  even  in  this  delightful  region,  the  rosy 
tint  fades  into  purple,  and  the  purple  into  blue — 
the  white  moon  gleams,  and  at  length  glitters, — 
and  the  invisible  stars  first  creep  into  light,  and 
then  blaze  into  radiancy.  But  no  hateful  dews 
discolour  their  loveliness  ;  and  so  clear  is  the  air, 
that  instead  of  the  false  appearance  of  a  studded 
vault,  the  celestial  bodies  may  be  seen  floating 
in  ether,  at  various  distances  and  of  various  tints. 
Ere  the  showery  fire-flies  have  ceased  to  shine, 
and  the  blue  lights  to  play  about  the  tremulous 


8  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

horizon — amidst  the  voices  of  a  thousand  birds, 
the  dancers  solace  themselves  with  the  rarest 
fruits,  the  most  delicate  fish,  and  the  most  deli- 
cious wines :  but  flesh  they  love  not.  Thej  are 
an  innocent  and  a  happy,  though  a  voluptuous 
and  ignorant  race.  They  have  no  manufactures, 
no  commerce,  no  agriculture,  and  no  printing- 
presses  :  but  for  their  slight  clothing  they  wear 
the  bright  skins  of  serpents — for  corn.  Nature 
gives  them  the  bread-fruit — and  for  intellectual 
amusement,  they  have  a  pregnant  fancy  and  a 
ready  wit — tell  inexhaustible  stories,  and  always 
laugh  at  each  other's  jokes.  A  natural  instinct 
gave  them  the  art  of  making  wine  ;  and  it  was 
the  same  benevolent  Nature  that  blessed  them 
also  with  a  knowledge  of  the  art  of  making  love. 
But  time  flies  even  here.  The  lovely  compa- 
nions have  danced,  and  sung,  and  banqueted, 
and  laughed — what  further  bliss  remains  for 
man?  They  rise,  and  in  pairs  wander  about 
the  island,  and  then  to  their  bowers  :  their  [life 
ends  with  the  Night  they  love  so  well ;  and  ere 


CAPTAIN    POPANILLA.  9 

Day,  the  everlasting  conqueror,  wave  his  flam- 
ing standard  in  the  luminous  East,  solitude 
and  silence  will  again  reign  in  the  Isle  of 
Fantaisie. 


10  THE  VOYAGE  OF 


CHAPTER  II. 

m 

The  last  and  loudest  chorus  had  died  away, 
and  the  Islanders  were  pouring  forth  their  li- 
bation to  their  great  enemy  the  Sun,  when 
suddenly  a  vast  obscurity  spread  over  the  glow- 
ing West.  They  looked  at  each  other,  and 
turned  pale,  and  the  wine  from  their  trembhng 
goblets  fell  useless  on  the  shore.  The  women 
were  too  frightened  to  scream,  and,  for  the 
first  time  in  the  Isle  of  Fantaisie,  silence  ex- 
isted after  sunset.  They  were  encouraged 
when  they  observed  that  the  darkness  ceased 
at  that  point  in  the  heavens  which  overlooked 
their  coral  rocks ;  and  perceiving  that  their 
hitherto   unsullied   sky  was  pure,  even   at  this 


CAPTAIN    POPANILLA.  11 

moment  of  otherwise  universal  gloom,  the  men 
regained  their  colour,  touched  the  goblets  with 
their  lips,  farther  to  reanimate  themselves  ;  and 
the  women,  now  less  discomposed,  uttered  loud 
shrieks. 

Suddenly  the  wind  roared  with  unaccustomed 
rage,  the  sea  rose  into  large  billows,  and  a  ship 
was  seen  tossing  in  the  offing.  The  Islanders, 
whose  experience  of  navigation  extended  only 
to  a  slight  paddling  in  their  lagoon,  in  the 
half  of  a  hollow  trunk  of  a  tree,  for  the  pur- 
pose of  fishing,  mistook  the  tight  little  frigate 
for  a  great  fish  ;  and  being  now  aware  of  the 
cause  of  this  disturbance,  and  at  the  same  time 
feehng  confident  that  the  monster  could  never 
make  way  through  the  shallow  waters  to  the 
island,  they  perfectly  recovered  their  courage ; 
and  gazed  upon  the  labouring  leviathan  with  the 
same  interested  nonchalance  with  which  students 
at  a  modern  lecture  observe  an  expounding  phi- 
losopher. 

"  What  a  shadow  he   casts   over  the   sky !" 


12  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

said  the  King,  a  young  and  rather  effeminate 
man,  whose  divine  right  was  never  questioned 
hy  his  female  subjects.  "  What  a  commotion  in 
the  waters,  and  what  a  wind  he  snorts  forth  !  It 
certainly  must  be  the  largest  fish  that  exists.  I 
remember  my  father  telling  me  that  a  monstrous 
fish  once  got  entangled  among  our  rocks,  and 
this  part  of  the  island  really  smelt  for  a  month'; 
I  cannot  help  fancying  that  there  is  a  rather  odd 
smell  now — pah  !" 

A  favourite  Queen  flew  to  the  suffering  mo- 
narch, and  pressing  her  aromatic  lips  upon  his 
offended  nostrils,  his  Majesty  recovered. 

The  unhappy  crew  of  the  frigate,  who,  with 
the  aid  of  their  telescopes,  had  detected  the 
crowds  upon  the  shore,  now  fired  their  signal 
guns  of  distress,  which  came  sullenly  booming 
through  the  wind. 

"Oh!  the  great  fish  is  speaking !"  was  the 
universal  exclamation. 

How  very  unenlightened!  The  Fantaisians, 
however,  are  not  the  first  race  who  have  mis- 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  13 

taken  a  frigate  for  a  fish ;  nor  would  they 
perhaps  have  failed  in  their  inquiry,  had  they 
sought  after  a  precedent  for  burning  those  pig- 
headed people,  who  maintain  that  an  inanimate 
substance  is  not  a  living  body. 

*'  I  begin  to  get  frightened,"  said  the  fa- 
vourite Queen.  "  I  am  sure  the  monster  is 
coming  here  !"  So  saying,  her  Majesty  grasped 
up  a  handful  of  pearls  from  the  shore,  to  defend 
herself. 

As  screaming  was  now  the  fashion,  all  the 
women  of  course  screamed ;  and  animated  by 
the  example  of  their  sovereign,  and  armed  with 
the  marine  gems,  the  Amazons  assumed  a  very 
imposing  attitude.  But  the  unusual  exertion 
was  too  much  for  their  nerves;  and  in  a  few 
minutes,  they  flew  to  the  arms  of  the  men  for 
safety  and  consolation. 

There  is  not,  perhaps,  a  sublimer  sight  in 
the  world,  than  an  island  with  a  free  constitu- 
tion, under  the  fear  of   Invasion.      So   much 

public  spirit !   and  so  many  public  contracts  ? 
3 


14  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

• 

Pity  that  a  contrary  wind  should  so  often  pre- 
vent the  first  being  put  to  the  test,  and  the 
second  being  put  to  an  end !  However,  al- 
though the  wind  may  blow  north-east,  no  doubt 
the  spectacle  is  a  very  magnificent  one,  and 
"quite  refreshing"*  to  every  true  lover  of 
liberty,  civil  and  religious — particularly  if  he 
be  a  builder  of  Martello  towers.  At  the  pre- 
sent crisis,  when  Fantaisie  expected  every  man 
to  do  his  duty,  it  is  a  gratifying  and  a  proud 
task  for  the  historian,  to  record  that  every  man 
did  it.  How  often,  and  in  what  manner,  each 
man  distinguished  himself,  it  would  be  tedious 
liere  to  relate.  All  that  I  can  say  is,  that  the 
ladies  were  quite  satisfied, — and  in  the  Isle  of 
Fantaisie,   their  approbation   was   of   course   a 


*  National  phrase — unknown  to  Johnson,  Hume,  Gibbon, 
or  any  of  the  superseded  writers;  but,  on  the  other  hand,  a 
great  favourite  with  the  periodical  literature  of  Great  Bri- 
tain,— a  literature,  I  may  be  excused  for  observing,  the 
omniscience  of  which  is  demonstrated  by  the  simple  fact, 
that  those  who  study  it  never  feel  themselves  under  the 
necessity  of  studying  any  other. 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  -  15 

much  greater  reward  than  a  collar  or  a  cross. 
Even  the  very  children  were  not  inactive.  The 
Crown  Prince,  a  very  energetic  youth, — who, 
having  occasionally  caught  a  few  gold  and  sil- 
ver fish  in  the  surrounding  w^aters,  was  duly 
qualified  for  the  office  of  Lord  High  Admiral 
— maintained  his  reputation  for  courage  in  an 
eminent  degree ;  and  when  the  stoutest  seemed 
exhausted,  continued  his  exertions  with  an  ar- 
dour, which,  had  there  been  a  Gazette  in  the 
island,  must  certainly  have  been  noticed. 

Just  at  the  moment  that  they  had  worked 
up  their  enthusiasm  to  the  highest  pitch,  and 
were  actually  desirous  of  dying  for  their  coun- 
try— the  ship  sunk ;  but  with  such  a  crash  of 
thunder,  and  such  a  flash  of  lightning,  that 
the  whole  of  the  patriotic  Fantaisians — King, 
Queen,  Crown  Prince,  and  all — sunk  upon 
their  knees,  and  frightened,  for  the  first  time 
in  their  life,  immediately  declared  Thunder  and 
Lightning  to  be  the  established  Religion  of  the 
Country. 


16  THE  VOYAGE  OF 


CHAPTER  III. 

It  is  the  flush  of  noon ;  and  strange  to  say, 
a  human  figure  is  seen  wandering  on  the  shore  of 
the  Isle  of  Fantaisie. 

^'  One  of  the  crew  of  the  wrecked  frigate  of 
course  ?  What  an  escape  !  Fortunate  creature  ! 
interesting  man !  Probably  the  indefatigable 
Captain  Parry,— possibly  the  undaunted  Cap- 
tain Franklin, — perhaps  the  adventurous  Cap- 
taui  Lyon  !" 

No !  sweet  blue-eyed  girl !  my  plots  are  not 
of  that  extremely  guessable  nature,  so  admired 
by  your  adorable  sex.  Indeed,  this  book  is  so 
constructed,  that  if  you  were  even,  according  to 
custom,  to  commence  its  perusal    by  reading 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  17 

the  last  page,  you  would  not  gain  the  slightest 
assistance  in  finding  out  "  how  the  story  ends/' 

The  wanderer  belongs  to  no  frigate-building 
nation.  He  is  a  true  Fantaisian ;  who  having, 
in  his  fright,  during  yesterday's  storm,  lost  the 
lock  of  hair  which,  in  a  moment  of  glorious 
favour,  he  had  ravished  from  his  fair  mistress's 
brow,  is  now,  after  a  night  of  sleepless  agony, 
tracing  every  remembered  haunt  of  yesterday, 
with  the  fond  hope  of  regaining  his  most  pre- 
cious treasure.  Ye  Gentlemen  of  England  who 
live  at  home  at  ease,  know  full  well  the  anxiety 
and  exertion,  the  days  of  management,  and 
the  nights  of  meditation,  which  the  rape  of  a 
lock  requires,  and  you  can  consequently  sympa- 
thize with  the  agitated  feelings  of  the  handsome 
and  the  hapless  Popanilla. 

The  favourite  of  all  the  women,  the  envy  of 
all  the  men,  &c.  &c.  &c. — you  know  the  rest, — 
Popanilla  passed  an  extremely  pleasant  hfe. 
No  one  was  a  better  judge  of  wine — no  one  had 

a  better  taste  for  fruit — no  one  danced  with 

3* 


IB  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

more  elegant  vivacity — and  no  one  whispered 
compliments  in  a  more  meaning  tone.  His 
stories  ever  had  a  point — his  repartees  were 
never  ill-natured.  What  a  pity  that  such  an 
amiable  fellow  should  have  got  into  such  a 
s-crape ! 

In  spite  of  his  grief,  however,  Popanilla  soon 
found  that  the  ardency  of  his  passion  rather 
evaporated  under  a  smoking  sun  ;  and  utterly 
exhausted,  he  was  about  to  return  home  from 
his  fruitless  search,  when  his  attention  was  at- 
tracted by  a  singular  appearance.  He  observed 
before  him,  on  the  shore,  a  square,  and  hitherto 
unseen  form.  He  watched  it  for  some  minutes, 
but  it  was  perfectly  motionless.  He  drew 
nearer,  and  observed  it  with  intense  attention  ; 
t)ut  if  it  were  a  being,  it  certainly  was  fast 
asleep.  He  approached  close  to  its  side,  but  it 
neither  moved  nor  breathed.  He  applied  his 
nose  to  the  mysterious  body,  and  the  elegant 
Fantaisian  drew  back  immediately  from  a  most 
villainous   smell   of  pitch.     Not   to   excite   too 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  19 

much,  in  this  calm  age,  the  reader's  curiosity, 
let  him  know  at  once,  that  this  strange  sub- 
stance was  a  sea-chest.  Upon  it  was  marked,  in 
large  black  letters,  S.  D.  K.  No.  1. 

For  the  first  time  in  his  life,  Popanilla  ex- 
perienced a  feeling  of  overwhelming  curiosity. 
His  fatigue,  his  loss,  the  scorching  hour,  and 
the  possible  danger,  were  all  forgotten,  in  an  in- 
definite feehng  that  the  body  possessed  con- 
tents more  interesting  than  its  unpromising  ex- 
terior, and  in  a  resolute  determination  that  the 
developement  of  the  mystery  should  be  reserved 
only  for  himself. 

Although  he  felt  assured  that  he  must  be 
unseen,  he  could  not  refrain  from  throwing  a 
rapid  glance  of  anxiety  around  him.  It  was 
a  moment  of  perfect  stillness :  the  island  slept 
in  sunshine,  and  even  the  waves  had  ceased  to 
break  over  the  opposing  rocks.  A  thousand 
strange  and  singular  thoughts  rushed  into  his 
mind,  but  his  first  purpose  was  ever  uppermost ; 
and  at  length,  unfolding  his  girdle  of  skin,  he 


20  THE  VOYAGE  OP 

tied  the  tough  cincture  round  the  chest,  and 
exerting  all  his  powers,  dragged  his  mysterious 
waif  into  the  nearest  wood. 

We  should  pursue  an  inquiry  of  great  in- 
terest, if  we  were  here  to  pause,  and  attempt  to 
ascertain  what  would  have  been  the  probable 
conduct  of  Popanilla,  and  the  moral  effects 
upon  the  social  action  of  the  Island  of  Fan- 
taisie,  if  the  top  of  the  sea-chest  had  not  fallen 
off  by  the  agency  of  its  own  volition ;  but  as 
1  am  confidentially  apprised  that  this  inquiry 
will  form  the  subject  of  discussion  at  the  next 
meeting  of  the  Union  Debating  Society,  it 
would  be  scarcely  fair  to  anticipate  the  infer- 
ences of  that  ingenious  body  of  ingenuous 
youth.  The  top,  however,  did  fall  off;  and 
really  revealed  the  neatest  collection  of  little 
packages  that  ever  pleased  the  eye  of  the  ad- 
mirer of  spruce  arrangement.  Popanilla  took 
up  packets  upon  all  possible  subjects ;  smelt 
them,  but  they  were  not  savoury ;  he  was 
sorely  puzzled.     At  last,  he  lighted  on  a  slen- 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  21 

der  volume  bound  in  brown  calf,  which,  with 
the  confined  but  sensual  notions  of  a  savage, 
he  mistook  for  gingerbread,  at  least.  It  was 
"The  Universal  Linguist,  by  Mr.  Hamilton, 
or  the  Art  of  Dreaming  in  Languages."  illus- 
trious Hamilton !  hadst  thou  been  the  clerk  of 
the  works  during  the  blasphemy  of  Belus,  Babel 
might  have  been  built ! 

No  sooner  had  Popanilla  passed  that  well- 
formed  nose,  which  had  been  so  often  admired 
by  the  lady  whose  lock  of  hair  he  had  unfor- 
tunately lost,  a  few  times  over  a  few  pages 
ofthe  Hamiltonian  System,  than  he  sunk  upon 
his  bed  of  flowers ;  and  in  spite  of  his  curi- 
osity was  instantly  overcome  by  a  profound 
slumber.  But  his  slumber,  though  deep,  was 
not  peaceful,  and  he  was  the  actor  in  an  agitat- 
ing drama. 

He  found  himself  alone  in  a  gay  and  glori- 
ous garden.  In  the  centre  of  it  grew  a  pome- 
granate tree  of  prodigious  size;  its  top  was 
lost  in  the  sky,  and  its   innumerable   branches 


22  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

sprang  out  in  all  directions,  covered  with  large 
fruit  of  a  rich  golden  hue.  The  most  beautiful 
birds  were  perched  upon  all  parts  of  the  tree, 
and  chanted  with  perpetual  melody  the  beauties 
of  their  bower.  Tempted  by  the  delicious 
sight,  Popanilla  stretched  forward  his  hand  to 
pluck ;  but  no  sooner  had  he  grasped  the  fruit, 
than  the  music  immediately  ceased — the  birds 
rushed  away— the  sky  darkened — the  tree  fell 
under  the  wind — the  garden  vanished,  and  Popa- 
nilla found  himself  in  the  midst  of  the  raging  sea, 
bufietting  the  waves. 

He  would  certainly  have  been  drowned,  had 
he  not  been  immediately  swallowed  up  by  the 
huge  monster,  which  had  not  only  been  the  occa- 
sion of  the  storm  of  yesterday,  but, — ah !  most 
unhappy  business ! — been  the  occasion  also  of 
his  losing  that  lock  of  hair. 

Ere  he  could  congratulate  himself  on  his 
escape,  he  found  fresh  cause  for  anxiety,  for 
he  perceived  that  he  was  no  longer  alone.  No 
friends  were  near  him  ;  but,  on  the  contrary,  he 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  23 

was  surrounded  by  strangers  of  a  far  different 
aspect.  They  were  men  certainly — that  is  to 
say,  they  had  legs  and  arms,  and  heads,  and 
bodies  as  himself — but  instead  of  that  bloom 
of  youth,  that  regularity  of  feature,  that  amia- 
ble joyousness'  of  countenance,  which  he  had 
ever  been  accustomed  to  meet  and  to  love  in  his 
former  companions,  he  recoiled  in  horror  from 
the  swarthy  complexions,  the  sad  visages,  and 
the  haggard  features  of  his  present  ones.  They 
spoke  to  him  in  a  harsh  and  guttural  accent. 
He  would  have  fled  from  their  advances,  but 
then, — he  was  in  the  belly  of  a  whale !  No 
escape !  It  was  like  meeting  a  creditor  in  a 
cul-de-sac^  and  he  was^  obliged  to  speak.  When 
he  had  become  a  little  used  to  their  tones,  he 
was  gratified  by  finding  that  their  attentions 
were  far  from  hostile ;  and  after  having  re- 
ceived from  them  a  few  compliments,  he  began 
to  think  that  they  were  not  quite  so  ugly.  He 
discovered  that  the  object  of  their  inquiries 
was  the  fatal  pomegranate  which  still  remained 


24  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

in  his  hand.  They  admired  its  beauty,  and 
told  him  that  they  greatly  esteemed  an  indivi- 
dual who  possessed  such  a  mass  of  precious 
ore.  Popanilla  begged  to  undeceive  them,  and 
courteously  presented  the  fruit.  No  sooner, 
however,  had  he  parted  with '  this  apple  of 
discord,  than  the  countenances  of  his  compa- 
nions changed.  Immediately  discovering  its  real 
nature,  they  loudly  accused  Popanilla  of  having 
deceived  them;  he  remonstrated,  and  they  re- 
criminated ;  and  the  great  fish,  irritated  by  their 
clamour,  lashed  its  huge  tail,  and  with  one  effi- 
cacious vomit,  spouted  the  innocent  Popanilla 
high  in  the  air.  He  fell  with  such  a  dash  into 
the  waves,  that  he  was  awakened  by  the  sound  of 
his  own  fall. 

The  d-reamer  awoke  amidst  real  chattering, 
and  scuffling,  and  clamour.  A  troop  of  green 
monkeys  had  been  aroused  by  his  unusual  oc- 
cupation, and  had  taken  the  opportunity  of 
his  slumber  to  become  acquainted  with  some  of 
the  first  principles  of  science.     What  progress 


CAPTAIN    POPANILLA.  25 

they  had  made  it  is  difficult  to  ascertain ;  be- 
cause, each  one  throwing  a  tract  at  Popanilla's 
head,  they  immediately  disappeared.  It  is  said, 
however,  that  some  monkeys  have  been  since 
seen  skipping  about  the  island,  with  their  tails 
cut  off;  and  that  they  have  even  succeeded 
in  passing  themselves  off  for  human  beings 
among  those  people  who  do  not  read  novels, 
and  are  consequently  unacquainted  with  man- 
kind. 

The  morning's  adventure  immediately  rushed 
into  Popanilla's  mind,  and  he  proceeded  forth- 
with to  examine  the  contents  of  his  chest ;  but 
with  advantages  which  had  not  been  yet  en- 
joyed by  those  who  had  previously  peeped 
into  it.  The  monkeys  had  not  been  composed 
to  sleep  by  the  "  Universal  Linguist''  of  Mr. 
Hamilton.  As  for  Popanilla,  he  took  up  a  trea- 
tise on  Hydrostatics,  and  read  it  straight  through 
on  the  spot.  For  the  rest  of  the  day  he  was 
hydrostatically  mad ;  nor  could  the  commonest 

incident  connected  with  the  action  or  convey- 

4 


26  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

ance  of  water  take  place,  without  his  speculat- 
ing on  its  cause  and  consequence. 

So  enraptured  was  Popanilla  with  his  new 
accomplishments  and  acquirements,  that  by  de- 
grees he  avoided  attendance  on  the  usual  even- 
ing assemblages,  and  devoted  himself  solely  to 
the  acquirement  of  useful  knowledge.  After  a 
short  time  his  absence  was  remarked ;  but  the 
greatest  and  the  most  gifted  has  only  to  leave 
his  coterie,  called  the  world,  for  a  few  days,  to 
be  fully  convinced  of  what  very  slight  import- 
ance he  really  is.  And  so  Popanilla,  the  de- 
light of  society,  and  the  especial  favourite  of 
the  women,  was,  in  a  very  short  time,  not  even 
inquired  after.  At  first,  of  course,  they  sup- 
posed that  he  was  in  love,  or  that  he  had  a 
slight  cold,  or  that  he  was  writing  his  me- 
moirs ;*  and  as  these  suppositions,  in  due  course, 


■"  The  only  argument  against  this  supposition  was  the 
fact  of  Popanilla  not  being  a  very  obscure  personage.  It  is 
said  that  the  "  Life  and  Times  of  the  Green  Monkey  who 
cut  off  his  tail,"  will  speedily  appear. 


if. 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  27 

take  their  place  in  the  annals  of  society  as  cir- 
cumstantial histories,  in  about  a  week,  one 
knew  the  lady,  another  had  heard  him  sneeze, 
and  a  third  had  seen  the  manuscript.  At  the  end 
of  another  week,  Popanilla  was  utterly  forgotten. 


28  •  THE  VOYAGE  OF 


CHAPTER  IV. 

Six  months  had  elapsed  since  the  first  chest 
of  the  cargo  of  Useful  Knowledge,  destined 
for  the  fortunate  Maldives,  had  been  digested 
by  the  recluse  Popanilla ;  for  a  recluse  he 
had  now  become.  Great  students  are  rather 
dull  companions.  Our  Fantaisian  friend  du- 
ring his  first  studies,  was  as  moody,  absent, 
and  querulous,  as  are  most  men  of  genius 
during  that  mystical  period  of  life.  He  was 
consequently  avoided  by  the  men,  and  quizzed 
by  the  women ;  and  consoled  himself  for  the 
neglect  of  the  first,  and  the  taunts  of  the  se- 
cond, by  the  indefinite  sensation,  that  he  should, 
some   day  or  other,   turn  out  that  little  being. 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  29 

called  a  great  man.  As  for  his  mistress,  she 
considered  herself  insulted  by  being  addressed 
by  a  man  who  had  lost  her  lock  of  hair.  When 
the  chest  was  exhausted,  Popanilla  was  seized 
with  a  profound  melancholy.  Nothing  de- 
presses a  man's  spirits  more  completely  than 
a  self-conviction  of  self-conceit ;  and  Popa- 
nilla, who  had  been  accustomed  to  consider 
himself  and  his  companions  as  the  most  ele- 
gant portion  of  the  visible  creation,  now  dis- 
covered, with  dismay,  that  he  and  his  fellow 
Islanders  were  nothing  more  than  a  horde  of 
useless  savages. 

This  mortification,  however,  was  soon  suc- 
ceeded by  a  proud  consciousness,  that  he,  at 
any  rate,  was  now  civiHzed  ;  and  that  proud 
consciousness,  by  a  fond  hope,  that  in  a  short 
time  he  might  become  a  civilizer.  Like  all 
projectors,  he  was  not  of  a  sanguine  temper- 
ament;  but  he  did  trust,  that,  in  the  course 
of  another  season,  the  Isle  of  Fantaisie  might 
take  its  station  among  the  nations.  He  was 
4* 


30  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

d-etermined,  however,  not  to  be  too  rapid.  It 
cannot  be  expected  that  ancient  prejudices  can, 
in  a  moment,  be  eradicated,  and  new  modes 
of  conduct  instantaneously  substituted  and  es- 
tabhshed.  Popanilla,  like  a  wise  man,  deter- 
mined to  concihate.  His  views  were  to  be  as 
liberal,  as  his  principles  were  enlightened. 
Men  should  be  forced  to  do  nothing.  Bigotry, 
and  intolerance,  and  persecution,  were  the  ob- 
jects of  his  most  decided  disapprobation ;  re- 
sembling, in  this  particular,  all  the  great  and 
good  men  who  have  ever  existed ;  who  have  in- 
variably maintained  this  opinion,  as  long  as  they 
have  been  in  the  minority. 

Popanilla  appeared  once  more  in  the  world. 

"  Dear  me !  is  that  you.  Pop  ?"  exclaimed 
the  ladies.  "  What  have  you  been  doing  with 
yourself  all  this  time  ?  Travelling,  I  suppose. 
Every  one  travels  now.  Really  you  travelled 
men  get  quite  bores.  And  where  did  you  get 
that  coat — if  it  be  a  coat?" 

Such  was  the  style  in  which  the  Fantaisian 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  31 

females  saluted  the  long  absent  Popanilla : 
and  really,  when  a  man  shuts  himself  up  from 
the  world  for  a  considerable  timie,  and  fancies 
that  in  condescending  to  re-enter  it,  he  has 
surely  the  right  to  expect  the  homage  due  to 
a  superior  being — if  not  a  coronation,  at  least 
a  compliment — why  these  salutations  are,  to 
characterise  them  as  gently  as  possible,  awk- 
ward. The  ladies  of  England  have  been  long 
libelled  as  "  gauches,'*''  yet  they  peculiarly  excel 
in  this  species  of  annihilation  ;  and  while  they 
continue  to  drown  puppies,  as  they  daily  do, 
in  a  sea  of  sarcasm,  I  think  no  true  English- 
man will  hesitate  one  moment  in  giving  them 
the  preference  for  tact  and  manner,  over  all 
the  vivacious  French,  all  the  self-possessing 
Italian,  and  all  the  tolerant  German  women. 
This  is  a  clap-trap,  and  I  have  no  doubt  will  sell 
the  book. 

Popanilla,  however,  had  not  re-entered  so- 
ciety with  the  intention  of  subsiding  into  a 
nonentity;  and  he  therefore  took  the   opportu- 


32  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

nity,  a  few  minutes  after  sunset,  just  as  his  com- 
panions were  falling  into  the  dance,  to  beg  the 
favour  of  being  allowed  to  address  his  Sovereign 
— only  for  one  single  moment. 

"  Sire,"  said  he,  in  that  mild  tone  of  sub- 
dued superciliousness  with  which  we  should 
always  address  kings,  and  which,  while  it  vin- 
dicates our  dignity,  so  satisfactorily  proves  that 
we  are  above  the  vulgar  passion  of  envy — 
"  Sire!" — but  let  us  not  encourage  that  fatal 
faculty  of  oratory  so  dangerous  to  free  states, 
and  therefore  let  us  give  only  the  "  substance  of 
Popanilla's  speech."*  He  commenced  his  ad- 
dress in  a  manner  somewhat  resembling  the 
initial  observations  of  those  pleasing  pamphlets, 
which  are  the  fashion  of  the  present  hour  ;  and 
which,  being  intended  to  diffuse  information 
among  those   who   have  not   enjoyed    the  op- 


*  Substance  of  a  speech,  in  parliamentary  language, 
means  a  printed  edition  of  an  harangue,  which  contains 
all  that  was  uttered  in  the  House,  and  -about  as  much 
again. 


CAPTAIN   POPANILLA.  33 

portunity  and  advantages  of  study,  and  are 
consequently  of  a  gay  and  cheerful  disposition, 
treat  of  light  subjects  in  a  light  and  polished 
style.  Popanilla,  therefore,  spoke  of  man  in  a 
savage  state,  the  origin  of  society,  and  the 
elements  of  the  social  compact,  in  sentences 
which  would  not  have  disgraced  the  mellifluous 
pen  of  Bentham.  From  these,  he  naturally  di- 
gressed into  an  agreeable  disquisition  on  the 
Anglo-Saxons ;  and  after  a  little  badinage  on 
the  Bill  of  Rights,  flew  off  to  an  airy  apercu  of 
the  French  Revolution.  When  he  had  arrived 
at  the  Isle  of  Fantaisie,  he  begged  to  inform  his 
Majesty,  that  man  was  born  for  something  else 
besides  enjoying  himself  It  was,  doubtless, 
extremely  pleasant  to  dance  and  sing,  to  crown 
themselves  with  chaplets,  and  to  drink  wine; 
but  he  was  "  free  to  confess,"*  that  he  did  not 
imagine,  that  the  most  barefaced  hireling  of  cor- 


"^  This  is  a  literal  translation  of  the  original,  and  I 
own  not  English.  It  is  evidently  an  idiom  of  the  Island — 
a  pure  Fantaisian  phrase. 


34  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

ruption  could  for  a  moment  presume  to  main- 
tain that  there  was  any  utility  in  pleasure.  If 
there  were  no  utility  in  pleasure,  it  was  quite 
clear  that  pleasure  could  profit  no  one.  If, 
therefore,  it  were  unprofitable,  it  was  injurious  ; 
because  that  which  does  not  produce  a  profit,  is 
equivalent  to  a  loss — therefore,  pleasure  is  a 
losing  business ;  consequently,  pleasure  is  not 
pleasant. 

He  also  showed  that  man  was  not  born  for 
himself,  but  for  society;  that  the  interests  of 
the  body  are  alone  to  be  considered,  and  not 
those  of  the  individual ;  and  that  a  nation 
might  be  extremely  happy,  extremely  powerful, 
and  extremely  rich,  although  every  individual 
member  of  it  might,  at  the  same  time,  be  mise- 
rable, dependent,  and  in  debt.  He  regretted 
to  observe,  that  no  one  in  the  island  seemed  in 
the  slightest  degree  conscious  of  the  object  of 
his  being.  Man  is  created  for  a  purpose ;  the 
object  of  his  existence  is  to  perfect  himself. 
Man  is  imperfect  by  nature,  because  if  nature 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  35 

had  made  him  perfect  he  would  have  had  no 
wants  ;  and  it  is  only  by  supplying  his  wants, 
that  utility  can  be  developed.  The  develope- 
ment  of  utility  is  therefore  the  object  of  our 
being,  and  the  attainment  of  this  great  end  the 
cause  of  our  existence.  This  principle  clears 
all  doubts,  and  rationally  accounts  for  a  state  of 
existence  which  has  puzzled  many  pseudo  phi- 
losophers. 

Popanilla  then  went  on  to  show  that  the 
hitherto  received  definitions  of  man  were  all 
erroneous  ;  that  man  is  neither  a  walking  ani- 
nifal,  nor  a  talking  animal,  nor  a  cooking  animal, 
nor  a  lounging  animal,  nor  a  debt-incurring 
animal,  nor  a  tax-paying  animal,  nor  a  printing 
animal,  nor  a  puffing  animal,  but  a  developing 
animaL  Developement  is  the  discovery  of 
utility.  By  developing  the  water,  we  get  fish ; 
by  developing  the  earth,  we  get  corn,  and  cash, 
and  cotton ;  by  developing  the  air,  we  get 
breath ;  by  developing  the  fire,  we  get  heat. 
Thus,  the  use  of  the  elements  is  demonstrated 


36  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

to  the  meanest  capacity.  But  it  was  not  merely 
a  material  developement  to  which  he  alluded — 
a  moral  developement  was  equally  indispensable. 
He  showed  that  it  was  impossible  for  a  nation 
either  to  think  too  much,  or  to  do  too  much. 
The  life  of  man  was  therefore  to  be  passed 
in  a  moral  and  material  developement,  until 
he  had  consummated  his  perfection.  It  was 
the  opinion  of  Popanilla  that  this  great  result 
was  by  no  means  so  near  at  hand  as  some  phi- 
losophers flattered  themselves  ;  and  that  it  might 
possibly  require  another  half-century  before 
even  the  most  civilized  nation  could  be  said  to 
have  completed  the  destiny  of  the  human  race. 
At  the  same  time,  he  intimated  that  there 
were  various  extraordinary  means  by  which 
this  rather  desirable  result  might  be  facihtated ; 
and  there  was  no  saying  what  the  building  of  a 
new  University  might  do,  of  which,  when  built, 
he  had  no  objection  to  be  appointed  Principal. 
In  answer  to  those  who  affect  to  admire  that 
deficient  system  of  existence   which  they  style 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  37 

simplicity  of  manners,  and  who  are  perpetually 
committing  the  blunder  of  supposing  that  every 
advance  towards  perfection  only  withdraws  man 
farther  from  his  primitive  and  proper  condi- 
tion, Popanilla  triumphantly  demonstrated,  that 
no  such  order  as  that  which  they  associated 
with  the  phrase,  "  state  of  nature,"  ever  ex- 
isted. "Man,"  said  he,  "is  called  the  master- 
piece of  nature ;  and  man  is  also,  as  we  all 
know,  the  most  curious  of  machines:  now,  a 
machine  is  a  work  of  art,  consequently,  the 
masterpiece  of  nature  is  the  masterpiece  of 
art.  The  object  of  all  mechanism  is  the  at- 
tainment of  utility;  the  object  of  man,  who  is 
the  most  perfect  machine,  is  utility  in  the 
highest  degree.  Can  we  believe,  therefore,  that 
this  machine  was  ever  intended  for  a  state  which 
never  could  have  called  forth  its  powers — a 
state  in  which  no  utility  could  ever  have  been  at- 
tained— a  state  in  which  there  are  no  wants  ;  con- 
sequently, no  demand  ;  consequently,  no  supply ; 

consequently,  no  competition;  consequently,  no 
5 


38  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

invention ;  consequently,  no  profits ;  only  one 
great  pernicious  monopoly  of  comfort  and  ease? 
Society  without  wants,  is  like  a  world  without 
winds.  It  is  quite  clear,  therefore,  that  there 
is  no  such  thing  as  Nature;  Nature  is  Art,  or 
Art  is  Nature ;  that  which  is  most  useful  is  most 
natural,  because  utility  is  the  test  of  nature ; 
therefore,  a  steam-engine  is  in  fact  a  much  more 
natural  production  than  a  mountain.* 

"You  are  convinced  therefore,"  he  continued, 
"  by  these  observations,  that  it  is  impossible 
for  an  individual  or  a  nation  to  be  too  artificial 
in  their  manners,  their  ideas,  their  laws,  or 
their  general  policy ;  because,  in  fact,  the  more 


-  *  The  age  seems  as  anti-mountainous  as  it  is  anti-monar- 
chical. A  late  writer  insinuates  that  if  the  English  had 
spent  their  millions  in  levelling  the  Andes,  instead  of  exca- 
vating the  table-lands,  society  might  have  been  benefited. 
These  monstrosities  are  decidedly  useless,  and  therefore 
tan  neither  be  sublime  nor  beautiful,  as  has  been  unan- 
swerably demonstrated  by  another  recent  writer  on  po- 
litical aesthetics. — See  also  a  personal  attack  on  Mont 
Blanc,  in  the  2nd  No.  of  the  Foreign  "Quarterly  Review. 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  39 

artificial  you  become,  the  nearer  you  approach 
that  state  of  nature  of  which  you  are  so  per- 
petually talking." — Here  observing  that  some  of 
his  audience  appeared  to  be  a  little  sceptical — 
perhaps  only  surprised — he  told  them  that  what 
he  said  must  be  true,  because  it  entirely  con- 
sisted of  first  principles.* 

After  having  thus  preliminarily  descanted  for 
about  two  hours,  Popanilla  informed  his  Ma- 
jesty that  he  was  unused  to  public  speaking, 
and  then  proceeded  to  show,  that  the  grand 
characteristic  of  the  social  action!  of  the  Isle 
of  Fantaisie  was  a  total  want  of  developement. 


*  First  principles  are  the  ingredients  of  positive  trutli. 
They  are  immutable,  as  may  be  seen  by  comparing  the  first 
principles  of  the  eighteenth  century  with  the  first  principles 
of  the  nineteenth. 

t  This  simple  and  definite  phrase  we  derive  from  the  na- 
tion to  whom  we  were  indebted  during  the  last  century  for 
some  other  phrases  about  as  definite,  but  rather  more  dan- 
gerous. We  ought  not  to  be  surprised,  that  they  who  once 
clothed  a  courtezan  in  the  robe  of  a  goddess,  should  speak 
of  the  commonest  incidents  of  life  in  the  language  of  Ora- 
cles. 


40  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

This  he  observed  with  equal  sorrow  and  sur- 
prise ;  he  respected  the  wisdom  of  their  ances- 
tors, at  the  same  time  no  one  could  deny  that 
they  were  both  barbarous  and  ignorant ;  he 
highly  esteemed  also  the  constitution,  but  re- 
gretted that  it  was  not  in  the  slightest  degree 
adapted  to  the  existing  wants  of  society;  he 
was  not  for  destroying  any  establishments,  but 
on  the  contrary,  was  for  courteously  affording 
them  the  opportunity  of  self-dissolution.  He 
finished,  by  re-urging,  in  very  strong  terms, 
the  immediate  developement  of  the  island.  In 
the  first  place,  a  very  great  metropolis  must 
be  instantly  built,  because  a  very  great  me- 
tropolis always  produces  a  very  great  demand ; 
and  moreover,  Popanilla  had  some  legal  doubts, 
whether  a  country  without  a  capital  could  in 
fact  be  considered  a  State.  Apologising  for 
having  so  long  trespassed  upon  the  attention 
of  the  assembly,  he  begged  distinctly  to  state,* 

*  Another  phrase  of  parliament,  which,  I  need  not  ob- 
serve, is  always  made  use  of  in  oratory,  when  the  orator 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  41 

that  he  had  no  wish  to  see  his  Majesty  and 
his  fellow-subjects  adopt  these  new  principles 
without  examination,  and  without  experience. 
They  might  commence  on  a  small  scale;  let 
them  cut  down  their  forests,  and  by  turning 
them  into  ships  and  houses,  discover  the  utility 
of  timber :  let  the  whole  island  be  dug  *  up  ; 
let  canals  be  cut,  docks  be  built,  and  all  the 
elephants  be  killed  directly,  that  their  teeth 
might  yield  an  immediate  article  for  exporta- 
tion. A  very  short  time  would  afford  a  suffi- 
cient trial.  In  the  mean  while,  they  would  not 
be  pledged  to  further  measures,  and  these  might 
be  considered  "  only  as  an  experiment."*  Tak- 
ing for  granted,  that  these  principles  would  be 
acted  on,  and  taking  into  consideration  the  site 
of  the  island  in  the  map  of  the  world,  the  nature 
and  extent  of  its  resources,  its  magnificent  race 


can  see  his  meaning  about  as  distinctly  as  Sancho  perceived 
the  charms  of  Dulcinea. 

*  A  very  famous  and  convenient  phrase  this— but  in  poU- 
tics,  experiments  mean  revolutions. 
5* 


42  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

of  human  beings,  its  varieties  of  the  animal 
creation,  its  wonderfully  fine  timber,  its  un- 
developed mineral  treasures,  the  spaciousness 
of  its  harbours,  and  its  various  facilities  for 
extended  international  communication,  Popa- 
nilla  had  no  hesitation  in  saying,  that  a  short 
time  could  not  elapse,  ere,  instead  of  passing 
their  lives  in  a  state  of  unprofitable  ease,  and 
useless  enjoyment,  they  might  reasonably  ex- 
pect to  be  the  terror  and  astonishment  of  the 
universe ;  and  to  be  able  to  annoy  every  nation 
of  any  consequence. 

Here,  observing  a  smile  upon  his  Majesty's 
countenance,  Popanilla  told  the  King  that  he 
was  only  a  chief  magistrate,  and  he' had  no  more 
right  to  laugh  at  him  than  a  constable.  He  con- 
cluded by  observing,  that  although  what  he  at 
present  urged  might  appear  very  strange,  never- 
theless, if  the  listeners  had  been  acquainted  with 
the  characters  and  cases  of  Gahleo  and  Tur- 
gor, they  would  then  have  seen,  as  a  neces- 
sary consequence,  that  his  system  was  perfectly 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.        ,  43 

correct;  and   he,  himself,  a  man  of  extraordi- 
nary merit. 

Here  the  chief  magistrate,  no  longer  daring 
to  smile,  burst  into  a  fit  of  laughter ;  and  turn- 
ing to  his  courtiers,  said,  "  I  have  not  an  idea 
what  this  man  is  talking  about,  but  I  know 
that  he  makes  my  head  ache  :  give  me  a  cup  of 
wine,  and  let  us  have  a  dance." 

All  applauded  the  royal  proposition ;  and 
.pushing  Popanilla  from  one  to  another,  until 
he  was  fairly  hustled  to  the  very  brink  of  the 
lagoon,  they  soon  forgot  the  existence  of  this 
bore  :  in  one  word,  he  was  cut.  When  Popanilla 
found  himself  standing  alone,  and  looking  very 
grave,  while  all  the  rest  were  very  gay,  he 
began  to  suspect  that  he  was  not  so  very  influ- 
ential a  personage  as  he  previously  imagined. 
Rather  crest-fallen,  he  sneaked  home  ;  and  con- 
soled  himself  for  having  nobody  to  speak  to, 
by  reading  some  very  amusing  "Conversations 
on  Pohtical  Economy." 


44  THE  VOYAGE  OP 


CHAPTER  V. 


PoPANiLLA  was  discomposed,  but  he  was  not 
discomfited.  He  consoled  himself  for  the  Royal 
neglect,  by  the  recollection  of  the  many  illus- 
trious men  who  had  been  despised,  banished, 
imprisoned,  and  burnt,  for  the  maintenance  of 
opinions,  which,  centuries  afterwards,  had  been 
discovered  to  be  truth.  He  did  not  forget  that 
m  still  further  centuries,  the  lately  recognised 
truth  had  been  re-discovered  to  be  falsehood ; 
but  then  these  men  were  not  less  illustrious  ;  and 
what  wonder  that  their  opinions  were  really  er- 
roneous, since  they  were  not  his  present  ones  ? 
The  reasoning  was  equally  conclusive  and  con- 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  45 

solatory.  Popanilla,  therefore,  was  not  dis- 
couraged ;  and  although  he  deemed  it  more 
prudent  not  to  go  out  of  his  way  to  seek  another 
audience  of  his  sovereign,  or  to  be  too  anxious 
again  to  address  a  pubhc  meeting,  he  neverthe- 
less determined  to  proceed  cautiously,  but  con- 
stantly, propagating  his  doctrines,  and  prose- 
lytizing in  private. 

Unfortunately  for  Popanilla,  he  did  not  en- 
joy one  advantage,  which  all  founders  of  sects 
have  duly  appreciated,  and  by  which  they  have 
been  materially  assisted.  It  is  a  great  and 
unanswerable  argument  in  favour  of  a  Provi- 
dence that  we  constantly  perceived  that  the 
most  beneficial  results  are  brought  about  by 
the  least  worthy,  and  most  insignificant  agents. 
The  purest  religions  would  never  have  been 
established  had  they  not  been  supported  by 
sinners,  who  felt  the  burthen  of  the  old  faith ; 
and  the  most  free  and  enlightened  governments 
are    often    generated   by  the    discontented,  the 


46  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

disappointed,  and  the  dissolute.  Now,  in  the 
Isle  of  Fantaisie,  unfortunately  for  our  revo- 
lutionizer,  there  was  not  a  single  grumbler. 

Unable,  therefore,  to  make  the  bad  passions 
of  his  fellow-creatures  the  unconscious  instru- 
ments of  his  good  purposes,  Popanilla  must 
have  been  contented  to  have  monopolized  all 
the  wisdom  of  the  moderns,  had  he  not,  with 
the  unbaffled  wit  of  an  inventor,  hit  upon  a 
new  expedient.  Like  Socrates,  our  philoso- 
pher began  to  cultivate  with  sedulousness,  the 
society  of  youth. 

In  a  short  time,  the  ladies  of  Fantaisie  were 
forced  to  observe,  that  the  fair  sex  most  un- 
fashionably  predominated  in  their  evening  as- 
semblages ;  for  the  young  gentlemen  of  the 
island  had  suddenly  ceased  to  pay  their  grace- 
ful homage  at  the  altar  of  Terpsichore.  In 
an  Indian  isle,  not  to  dance,  was  as  bad  as 
heresy.  The  ladies  rallied  the  recreants,  but 
their  playful  sarcasms  failed  of  their  wonted 
effect.     In  the   natural  course   of  things,   they 


CAPTAIN    POPANILLA.  47 

had  recourse  to  remonstrances,  but  their  ap- 
peals were  equally  fruitless.  The  delicate  crea- 
tures tried  reproaches,  but  the  boyish  cynics 
received  them  with  a  scowl,  and  answered  them 
with  a  sneer. 

The  women  fled  in  indignation  to  their 
friendly  monarch;  but  the  voluptuary  of  na- 
ture only  shrugged  his  shoulders,  and  smiled. 
He  kissed  away  their  tears,  and  their  frowns 
vanished  as  he  crowned  their  long  hair  with 
roses. 

"  If  the  lads  really  show  such  bad  taste,"' 
said  his  Majesty,  ''  why  T  and  my  Lords 
must  do  double  duty — and  dance  with  a  couple 
of  you  at  once."  Consoled  and  complimented, 
and  crowned  by  a  King,  who  could  look  sad  ? 
The  women  forgot  their  anger  in  their  increas- 
ing loyalty. 

But  the  pupils  of  Popaniila  had  no  sooner 
mastered  the  first  principles  of  science,  than 
they  began  to  throw  off  their  retired  habits, 
and   uncommunicative  manners.     Being  not  ut- 


48  THE    VOYAGE    OF 

terly  ignorant  of  some  of  the  rudiments  of 
knowledge,  and  consequently  having  completed 
their  education,  it  was  now  their  duty,  as  mem- 
bers of  society,  to  instruct  and  not  to  study. 
They  therefore  courted,  instead  of  shunning, 
their  fellow  creatures ;  and  on  all  occasions  seiz- 
ed all  opportunities  of  assisting  the  spread  of 
knowledge.  The  voices  of  boys  lecturing  upon 
every  lecturable  topic,  resounded  in  every  part 
of  the  island.  Their  tones  were  so  shrill,  their 
manners  so  presuming,  their  knowledge  so 
crude,  and  their  general  demeanour  so  com- 
pletely unamiable,  that  it  was  impossible  to 
hear  them  without  the  greatest  delight,  advan- 
tage, and  admiration. 

The  women  were  not  now  the  only  sufferers 
and  the  only  complainants.  Dinned  to  death, 
the  men  looked  gloomy ;  and  even  the  King,  for 
the  first  time  in  his  life,  looked  grave.  Could 
this  Babel,  he  thought,  be  that  empire  of  bliss, 
that  delightful  Fantaisie;  where,  to  be  ruler, 
only  proved,  that  you  were  the  most  skilful  in 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  49 

making  others  happy !  His  brow  ached  under 
his  hght  flowery  crown,  as  if  it  were  bound  by 
the  barbarous  circle  of  a  tyrant,  heavy  with  gems 
and  gold,  hi  his  despair,  he  had  some  thoughts 
of  leaving  his  kingdom,  and  betaking  himself  to 
the  mermaids. 

The  determination  of  the  most  precious  por- 
tion of  his  subjects  saved  his  empire.  As  the 
disciples  of  the  new  school  were  daily  demand- 
ing, "  What  is  the  use  of  dancing  ? — what  is  the 
use  of  drinking  wine? — what  is  the  use  of  smell- 
ing flowers?" — the  women,  like  prescient  politi- 
cians, began  to  entertain  a  nervous  suspicion, 
that  in  time  these  sages  might  even  presume  to 
question  the  utility  of  that  homage  which,  in 
spite  of  the  Grecian  Philosophers  and  the  British 
Essayists,  we  have  been  in  the  habit  of  conced- 
ing to  them  ever  since  Eden ;  and  they  rushed 
again  to  the  King,  like  frightened  deer.  Some- 
thing now  was  to  be  done;  and  the  monarch, 
with  an  expression  of  countenance  which  almost 

amounted  to  energy,  whispered  consolation. 
6 


50  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

The  King  sent  for  Popanilla;  the  message 
produced  a  great  sensation ;  the  enhghtened 
introducer  of  the  new  principles  had  not  been 
at  Court  since  he  was  cut.  No  doubt  his  Ma- 
jesty was  at  last  impregnated  with  the  liberal 
spirit  of  the  age ;  and  Popanilla  was  assuredly 
to  be  premier.  In  fact,  it  must  be  so — he  was 
"  sent  for — "  there  was  no  precedent  in  Fan- 
taisie,  though  there  might  be  in  other  islands, 
for  a  person  being  "  sent  for,"  and  not  being 
premier.  His  disciples  were  in  the  highest 
spirits ;  the  world  was  now  to  be  regulated  upon 
right  principles,  and  they  were  to  be  installed 
into  their  right  places. 

"  lllustnous  Popanilla !"  said  the  King, 
"  you  once  did  me  the  honour  of  making 
me  a  speech ;  which,  unfortunately  for  myself, 
I  candidly  confess,  I  was  then  utterly  incapable 
of  understanding — no  wonder,  as  it  was  the  first 
I  ever  heard :  1  shall  not,  however,  easily  for- 
get the  effect  which  it  produced  upon  me.  I 
have  since  considered  it  my  duty,  as  a  monarch, 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  51 

to  pay  the  most  particular  attention  to  your 
suggestions.  I  now  understand  them  with  suf- 
ficient clearness  to  be  fully  convinced  of  their 
excellence,  and  in  future  I  intend  to  act  upon 
them,  without  any  exception  or  deviation.  To 
prove  my  sincerity,  I  have  determined  4o  com- 
mence the  new  system  at  once ;  and  as  I  think 
that,  without  some  extension  of  our  interna- 
tional relations,  the  commercial  interest  of  this 
island  will  be  utterly  incapable  of  furnishing  the 
taxes  which  I  intend  to  levy,  I  have  determined, 
therefore,  to  fit  out  an  expedition  for  the  pur- 
pose of  discovering  new  islands,  and  forming 
relations  with  new  islanders.  It  is  but  due  to 
your  merit  that  you  should  be  appointed  to  the 
command  of  it ;  and  further  to  testify  my  infi- 
nite esteem  for  your  character,  and  my  com- 
plete confidence  in  your  abilities,  I  make  you 
post-captain  on  the  spot.  As  the  axiom  of  your 
school  seems  to  be,  that  every  thing  can  be 
made  perfect  at  once,  without  time,  without 
experience,  without  practice,  and  without  pre- 


52  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

paration,  1  have  no  doubt,  with  the  aid  of  a 
treatise  or  two,  you  will  make  a  consummate 
naval  commander,  although  you  have  never  been 
at  sea  in  the  whole  course  of  your  life — Fare- 
well, Captain  Popanilla!" 

No  sooner  was  this  adieu  uttered  than  four 
brawny  lords  of  the  bed-chamber  seized  the 
Turgot  of  Fantaisie  by  the  shoulders,  and  car- 
ried him  with  inconceivable  rapidity  to  the 
shore.  His  pupils,  who  would  have  fled  to  his 
rescue,  were  stifled  with  the  embraces  of  their 
former  partners ;  and  their  utilitarianism  dis- 
solved in  the  arms  of  those  they  once  so  rudely 
rejected.  As  for  their  tutor,  he  was  thrust  into 
one  of  their  canoes,  with  some  fresh  w^ater,  bread 
fruit,  dried  fish,  and  a  basket  of  alligator-pears. 
A  band  of  mermaids  carried  the  canoe,  with 
exquisite  management,  through  the  shallows, 
and  over  the  breakers ;  and  poor  Popanilla  in 
a  few  minutes  found  himself  out  at  sea.  Tre- 
mendously frightened,  he  offered  to  recant  all  his 
opinions,  and  denounce,  as  traitors,  any  indivi- 


-'ilk^ 


CAPTAIN    POPANILLA.  53 

duals  whom  the  court  might  select.  But  his 
former  companions  did  not  exactly  detect  the 
utility  of  his  return.  His  offers,  his  supplica- 
tions, were  equally  fruitless  ;  and  the  only  answer 
which  floated  to  him  on  the  wind,  was,  "  Fare- 
well, Captain  Popanilla !" 


54  THE  VOVAGE  OF 


CHAPTER  VI. 

Night  fell  upon  the  waters,  dark  and  drear, 
and  thick  and  misty.  How  unlike  those  bril- 
liant hours  that  once  summoned  him  to  revelry 
and  love !  Unhappy  Popanilla !  Thy  delicious 
Fantaisie  has  vanished!  Ah,  pitiable  youth! 
What  could  possibly  have  induced  you  to  be 
so  very  rash  ?  And  all  from  that  unlucky  lock 
of  hair ! 

After  a  few  natural  paroxysms  of  rage, 
terror,  anguish,  and  remorse,  the  captain  as 
naturally  subsided  into  despair ;  and  awaited 
with  sullen  apathy  that  fate  which  could  not 
be  far  distant.  The  only  thing  which  puzzled 
the  philosophical  navigator,  was  his  inability  to 
detect  what  useful  end  could  be  attained  by  his 
death.     At  length,  remembering  that  fish  must 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  55 

be  fed,  his  theory  and  his  desperation  were  at 
the  same  time  confirmed. 

A  clear  dry  morning  succeeded  the  wet  gloomy 
night;  and  Popanilla  had  not  yet  gone  down. 
This  extraordinay  suspension  of  his  fate 
roused  him  from  his  stupor,  and  between  the 
consequent  excitement  and  the  morning  air,  he 
acquired  an  appetite.  Philosophical  physicians 
appear  to  have  agreed  that  sorrow,  to  a  certain 
extent,  is  not  unfavourable  to  digestion  ;  and  as 
Popanilla  began  to  entertain  some  indefinite 
and  unreasonable  hopes,  the  alligator-pears 
quickly  disappeared.  In  the  mean  time  the 
little  canoe  cut  her  way,  as  if  she  were  chasing 
a  smuggler ;  and  had  it  not  been  for  a  shark  or 
two,  who,  in  anticipation  of  their  services  being 
required,  never  left  her  side  for  a  second, 
Popanilla  really  might  have  made  some  very 
ingenious  observations  on  the  nature  of  tides. 
He  was  rather  surprised  certainly,  as  he  watch- 
ed his  frail  bark  cresting  the  waves ;  but  he 
soon  supposed  that  this  was  all  in  the  natural 


5Q  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

course  of  things:  and  he  now  ascribed  his 
previous  fright,  not  to  the  peril  of  his  situation, 
but  to  his  inexperience  of  it.  Poor  fellow  !  how 
could  he  know  better?  He  certainly  had  en- 
joyed a  seat  at  the  Admiralty  Board  of  Fan- 
taisie,  but  then  he  was  a  lay-lord. 

Although  his  apprehension  of  being  drowned 
was  now  removed,  yet  when  he  gazed  on  the 
boundless  vacancy  before  him,  and  also  observed 
that  his  provisions  rapidly  decreased,  he  began 
to  fear  that  he  was  destined  for  a  still  more 
horrible  fate,  and  that  after  having  eaten  his 
own  shoes,  he  must  submit  to  be  starved.  In 
this  state  of  despondency,  with  infinite  delight 
and  exultation,  he  clearly  observed,  on  the 
second  day,  at  twenty-seven  minutes  past  three, 
p.  M.,  though  at  a  considerable  distance,  a 
mountain  and  an  island.  His  joy  and  his  pride 
were  equal,  and  excessive:  he  called  the  first, 
Alligator  Mountain,  in  gratitude  to  the  pears; 
and  christened  the  second  after  his  mistress — 
that   unlucky  mistress !     The  swift  canoe  soon 


CAPTAIN  rOPANILLA.  57 

reached  the  discoveries,  and  the  happy  dis- 
coverer further  found,  to  his  utter  mortification, 
that  the  mountain  was  a  mist,  and  the  island  a 
sea-weed.  Popanilla  now  grew  sulky,  and 
threw  himself  down  in  the  bottom  of  his  boat. 

On  the  third  morning,,  he  was  awakened  by 
a  tremendous  roar ;  on  looking  around  him,  he 
perceived  that  ^he  was  in  a  valley  formed  by 
two  waves,  each  about  three  thousand  feet 
high.  This  seemed  the  crisis  of  his  fate;  he 
shut  his  eyes,  as  people  do  when  they  are 
touched  by  a  dentist,  and  in  a  few  minutes  was 
still  bounding  on  the  ocean  in  the  eternal  ca- 
noe, safe  but  senseless.  Some  tremendous  peals 
of  thunder, '  a  roaring  wind,  and  a  scathing 
lightning,  confirmed  his  indisposition  ;  and  had 
not  the  tempest  subsided,  Popanilla  would  pro- 
bably have  been  an  idiot  for  life.  The  dead 
and  soothing  calm  which  succeeded  this  tor- 
nado, called  him  back  again  gradually  to  ex- 
istence. He  opened  his  eyes,  and  scarcely 
daring    to  try  a  sense,  immediately  shut  them  ; 


58  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

then  heaving  a  deep  sigh,  he  shrugged  his 
shoulders,  and  looked  as  pitiable  as  a  prime 
minister  with  a  naughty  cabinet.  At  length 
he  ventured  to  lift  up  his  head ;  there  was 
not  a  wrinkle  on  the  face  of  ocean ;  a  halcyon 
fluttered  over  him,  and  then  scudded  before 
his  canoe,  and  gamesome  porpoises  were  tum- 
bling at  his  side.  The  sky  was  cloudless,  ex- 
cept in  the  direction  to  which  he  was  driving ; 
but  as  Popanilla  observed,  with  some  mis- 
givings, the  mass  of  vapours  which. had  there 
congregated,  the  great  square  and  solid  black 
clouds  drew  off  hke  curtains,  and  revealed  to 
his  entranced  vision  a  magnificent  city  rising 
out  of  the  sea. 

Tower,  and  dome,  and  arch,  column,  and 
spire,  and  obelisk,  and  lofty  terraces,  and  many- 
windowed  palaces,  rose  in  all  directions  from  a 
mass  of  building  which  appeared  to  him  each 
instant  to  grow  more  huge,  till  at  length  it 
seemed  to  occupy  the  whole  horizon.  The  sun 
lent  additional  lustre  to  the  dazzling  quays  of 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  59 

white  marble  which  apparently  surrounded 
this  mighty  city,  and  which  rose  immediately 
from  the  dark  blue  waters.  As  the  navigator 
drew  nearer,  he  observed  that  in  most  parts 
the  quays  were  crowded  with  beings,  who  he 
trusted  were  human,  and  already  the  hum  of 
multitudes  broke  upon  his  inexperienced  ear; 
to  him  a  sound  far  more  mysterious,  and  far 
more  exciting  than  the  most  poetical  of  winds 
to  the  most  windy  of  poets.  On  the  right  of 
this  vast  city  rose  what  was  mistaken  by  Po- 
panilla  for  an  immense  but  leafless  forest;  but 
more  practical  men  than  the  Fantaisian  captain 
have  been  equally  confounded  by  the  first  sight 
of  a  million  of  masts. 

The  canoe  cut  its  way  with  increased  rapi- 
dity ;  and  ere  Popanilla  had  recovered  himself 
sufficiently  to  make  even  an  ejaculation,  he 
found  himself  at  the  side  of  a  quay.  Some 
amphibious  creatures,  whom  he  supposed  to  be 
mermen,  immediately  came  to  his  assistance, 
rather  stared  at  his  serpent-skin  coat,  and  then 


60  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

helped  him  up  the  steps.     Popanilla  was  instant- 
ly surrounded  by  an  immense  crowd. 

"  Who  are  you  ?"  said  one. 

"  What  are  you  ?"  asked  another. 

"  Who  is  it  ?"  exclaimed  a  third. 
'  "  What  is  it?"  screamed  a  fourth. 

"  My  friends,  I  am  a  man  !" 

"A  man!''  said  the  women;  "are  you  sure 
you  are  a  real  man  ?" 

"  He  must  be  a  sea-god  !"  said  the  females. 

"  She  must  be  a  sea-goddess,"  said  the  males. 

"  A  Triton  !"  maintained  the  women. 

"  A  Nereid  !"  argued  the  men. 

"  It  is  a  great  fish !"  said  the  boys. 

Thanks  to  the  Universal  Linguist,  Captain 
Popanilla,  under  these  peculiar  circumstances, 
was  more  loquacious  than  could  have  been  Cap- 
tain Parry. 

"  Good  people  !  you  see  before  you  the  most 
injured  of  human  beings." 

This  announcement  instantly  inspired  general 
enthusiasm.     The  women  wept,  the  men  shook 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  61 

hands  with  him,  and  all  the  boys  huzzaed.  Po- 
panilla  proceeded : — 

"  Actuated  by  the  most  pure,  the  most  pa- 
triotic, the  most  noble,  the  most  enlightened, 
and  the  most  useful  sentiments,  I  aspired  to 
ameliorate  the  condition  of  my  fellow  men. 
To  this  grand  object  1  have  sacrificed  all  that 
makes  life  delightful :  I  have  lost  my  station  in 
society,  my  taste  for  dancing,  my  popularity 
with  the  men,  my  favour  with  the  women  ;  and 
last,  but,  oh !  not  least,  (excuse  this  emotion,) 
1  have  lost  a  very  particular  lock  of  hair.  In 
one  word,  my  friends,  you  see  before  you — ban- 
ished, ruined,  and  unhappy — the  victim  of  a 
despotic  sovereign,  a  corrupt  aristocracy,  and  a 
misguided  people.'' 

No  sooner  had  he  ceased  speaking,  than  Po- 
panilla  really  imagined  that  he  had  only  es- 
caped the  dangers  of  sedition  and  the  sea,  to 
expire  by  less  hostile,  though  not  less  effective 
means.  To  be  strangled  was  not  much  better 
than  to   be  starved :  and  certainly  with  half  a 


n'i^ 


62  THE  VOYAGE  OP 

dozen  highly  respectable  females  clinging  round  his 
neck,  he  was  not  reminded,  for  the  first  time  in 
his  life,  what  a  domestic  bow-string  is  an  affec- 
tionate woman.  In  an  agony  of  suffocation  he 
thought  very  httle  of  his  arms,  although  the 
admiration  of  the  men  had  already,  in  his  imagi- 
nation, separated  those  useful  members  from 
his  miserable  body;  and  had  it  not  been  for 
some  justifiable  kicking  and  plunging,  the  ve- 
neration of  the  ingenuous  and  surrounding 
youth,  which  manifested  itself  by  their  active 
exertions  to  divide  his  singular  garment  into 
relics  of  a  martyr  of  liberty,  would  soon  have 
effectually  prevented  the  ill-starred  Popanilla 
from  being  again  mistaken  for  a  Nereid.  Order 
was  at  length  restored,  and  a  committee  of  eight 
appointed  to  regulate  the  visits  of  the  increasing 
mob. 

The  arrangements  were  most  judicious ;  the 
whole  populace  was  marshalled  into  ranks ; 
classes  of  twelve  persons  were  allowed  conse- 
cutively to  walk   past    the  victim    of  tyranny, 


CAPTAIN    POPANILLA.  63 

corruption,  and  ignorance ;  and  each  person 
had  the  honour  to  touch  his  finger.  During 
this  proceeding,  which  lasted  a  few  hours,  an  in- 
fluential personage  generously  offered  to  receive 
the  eager  subscriptions  of  the  assembled  thou- 
sands. Even  the  boys  subscribed,  and  ere  six 
hours  had  passed  since  his  arrival  as  a  coatless 
vagabond  in  this  liberal  city,  Captain  Popanilla 
found  himself  a  person  of  considerable  income. 

The  receiver  of  the  subscriptions,  while  he 
crammed  Popanilla's  serpent-skin  pockets  full  of 
gold  pieces,  at  the  same  time  kindly  offered  the 
stranger  to  introduce  him  to  an  hotel.  Po- 
panilla, who  was  quite  beside  himself,  could 
only  bow  his  assent,  and  mechanically  accom- 
panied his  conductor.  When  he  had  regained 
his  faculty  of  speech,  he  endeavoured,  in  wan- 
dering sentences  of  grateful  incoherency,  to  ex- 
press his  deep  sense  of  this  unparalleled  libe- 
rality. "It  was  an  excess  of  generosity,  in 
which  mankind  could  never  have  before  in- 
dulged !" 


64  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

•'  By  no  means !''  said  his  companion,  with 
great  coolness ;  "  far  from  this  being  an  unpa- 
ralleled affair,  I  assure  you  it  is  a  matter  of 
hourly  occurrence :  make  your  mind  quite 
easy.  You  are  probably  not  aware  that  you  are 
now  living  in  the  richest  and  the  most  charitable 
country  in  the  world  !" 

"  Wonderful !"  said  Popanilla ;  "  and  what 
is  the  name,  may  I  ask,  of  this  charitable 
city?" 

"  Is  it  possible,"  said  his  companion,  w^ith  a 
faint  smile, "  that  you  are  ignorant  of  the  great 
city  of  Hubbabub — the  largest  city,  not  only 
that  exists,  but  that  ever  did  exist,  and  the  capi- 
tal of  the  island  of  Vraibleusia,  the  most  famous 
island,  not  only  that  is  known,  but  that  ever  was 
known !" 

While  he  was  speaking,  they  were  accosted 
by  a  man  upon  crutches,  who  telling  them  in  a 
broken  voice  that  he  had  a  wife  and  twelve 
infant  children  dependant  on  his  support,  sup- 


CAPTAIN    POPANILLA.  65 

plicated  a  little  charity.  Popanilla  was  about 
to  empty  part  of  his  pocketfuls  into  the  men- 
dicant's cap,  but  his  companion  repressed  his 
unphilosophical  facility.  "  By  no  means  !'' 
said  his  friend,  who,  turning  round  to  the  beggar, 
advised  him,  in  a  mild  voice,  to  work ;  calmly 
adding,  that  if  he  presumed  to  ask  charity  again, 
he  should  certainly  have  him  bastinadoed.  Then 
they  walked  on. 

Popanilla's  attention  was  so  distracted  by  the 
variety,  the  number,  the  novelty,  and  the  noise 
of  the  objects  which  were  incessantly  hurried 
upon  his  observation,  that  he  found  no  time  to 
speak ;  and  as  his  companion,  though  exceed- 
ingly polite,  was  a  man  of  few  words,  conversa- 
tion rather  flagged. 

At  last,  overwhelmed  by  the  magnificence  of 
the  streets,  the  splendour  of  the  shops,  the  num- 
ber of  human  beings,  the  rattling  of  the  vehicles, 
the  dashing  of  the  horses,  and  a  thousand  other 
sounds   and  objects,   Popanilla  gave  loose  to  a 


66  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

loud  and  fervent  wish  that  his  hotel  might  have 
the  good  fortune  of  being  situated  in  this  inte- 
resting quarter. 

•'  By  no  means !"  said  his  companion,  "  we 
have  yet  much  farther  to  go.  Far  from  this 
being  a  desirable  situation  for  you,  my  friend, 
1  assure  you  that  no  civihzed  person  is  ever  seen 
here ;  and  had  not  the  cause  of  civil  and  reli- 
gious liberty  fortunately  called  me  to  the  water- 
side to  day,  I  should  have  lost  the  opportunity  of- 
showing  how  greatly  I  esteem  a  gentleman  who 
has  suffered  so  severely  in  the  cause  of  national 
amelioration.'' 

"Sir!"  said  Popanilla,  "your  approbation  is 
the  only  reward  which  I  ever  shall  desire  for  my 
exertions  You  will  excuse  me  for  not  quite 
keeping  up  with  you  ;  but  the  fact  is,  my  pockets 
are  so  stuffed  with  cash,  that  the  action  of  my 
legs  is  greatly  impeded.'' 

"  Credit  me,  my  friend  !  that  you  are  suffering 
from  an  inconvenience  which  you  will  not  long 
experience    in    Hubbabub.       Nevertheless,    to 


CAPTAIN    POPANILLA.  67 

remedy  it  at  present,  I  think  the  best  thing  we 
can  do,  is  to  buy  a  purse/' 

They  accordingly  entered  a  shop  where  such 
an  article  might  be  found,  and  taking  up  a 
small  sack,  for  Popanilla  was  very  rich,  his 
companion  inquired  its  price,  which  he  was  in- 
formed was  four  crowns.  No  sooner  had  the 
desired  information  been  given,  than  the  pro- 
prietor of  the  opposite  shop  rushed  in,  and 
offered  him  the  same  article  for  three  crowns. 
The  original  merchant,  not  at  all  surprised  at 
the  intrusion,  and  not  the  least  apologising  for 
his  former  extortion,  then  demanded  two.  His 
rival,  being  more  than  his  match,  he  cour- 
teously dropped  upon  his  knee,  and  requested 
his  customer  to  accept  the  article  gratis,  for  his 
sake.  The  generous  dealer  would  infallibly  have 
carried  the  day,  had  not  his  rival  humbly  suppli- 
cated the  purchaser,  not  only  to  receive  his 
article  as  a  gift,  but  also  the  compliment  of  a 
crown  inside. 

"  What" a  terrible  cheat  the  first  merchant  must 


68  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

have  been !"  said  the  puzzled  Popanilla,  as  they 
proceeded  on  their  way. 

"  By  no  means  !"  said  his  calm  companion  ; 
"  the  purse  was  sufficiently  cheap,  even  at  four 
crowns.  This  is  not  Cheatery,  this  is  Compe- 
tition !" 

"  What  a  wonderful  nation,  then,  this  must  be, 
where  you  not  only  get  purses  gratis,  but  even 
well  loaded !  What  use,  then,  is  all  this  heavy 
gold  ?  It  is  a  tremendous  trouble  to  carry ; — 
I  will  empty  the  bag  into  this  kennel,  for  money 
surely  can  be  of  no  use  in  a  city  where,  when  in 
want  of  cash,  you  have  only  to  go  into  a  shop 
and  buy  a  purse  !" 

'-'  Your  pardon  !"  said  his  companion ; "  far  from 
this  being  the  case,  Vraibleusia  is,  without  doubt, 
the  dearest  country  in  the  world." 

•'  If,  then,"  said  the  inquisitive  Popanilla,  with 
great  animation — "  if,  then,  this  country  be  the 
dearest  in  the  world — if — how — " 

"  My  good  friend  !"  said  his  companion,  "  I 
really  am  the  last  person  in  the  world  to  answer 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  G9 

questions.  AH  that  I  know  is,  that  really  this 
country  is  extremely  dear,  and  that  the  only 
way  to  get  things  cheap,  is  to  encourage  Compe- 
tition.'' 

Here  the  progress  of  the  companions  was  im- 
peded for  some  time  by  a  great  crowd,  which 
had  assembled  to  catch  a  glimpse  of  a  man  who 
was  to  fly  off  a  steeple,  but  who  had  not  yet 
arrived.  A  chimney-sweeper  observed  to  a 
scientific  friend,  that  probably  the  density  of 
the  atmosphere  might  prevent  the  intended  vo- 
litation  ;  and  Popanilla,  who,  having  read  al- 
most as  many  pamphlets  as  the  observer,  now 
felt  quite  at  home,  exceedingly  admired  the  ob- 
servation. 

"  He  must  be  a  very  superior  man,  this  gen- 
tleman in  black!"  said  Popanilla  to  his  com- 
panion. 

"  By  no  means  !  he  is  of  the  very  lowest  class 
in  society.  But  you  are  probably  not  aware 
that  you  are  in  the  most  educated  country  in  the 
world." 


70  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

''  Delightful !''  said  Popanilla. 

The  captain  was  exceedingly  desirous  of  wit- 
nessing the  flight  of  the  Vraibleusian  Daedalus, 
but  his  friend  advised  their  progress.  This,  how- 
ever, was  not  very  easy;  and  Popanilla,  animated, 
for  the  moment,  by  his  natural  aristocratic  dispo- 
sition, and  emboldened  by  his  superior  size  and 
strength,  began  to  clear  his  way  in  a  manner 
which  was  more  cogent  than  logical.  The  chim- 
ney-sweeper and  his  comrades  were  soon  in 
arms,  and  Popanilla  would  certainly  have  been 
killed  or  ducked  by  this  very  superior  man  and 
his  friends,  had  it  not  been  for  the  mild  remon- 
strance of  his  conductor,  and  the  singular  appear- 
ance of  his  costume. 

''What  could  have  induced  you  to  be  so  very 
imprudent  ?"  said  his  rescuer,  when  they  had  es- 
caped from  the  crowd. 

''Truly,"  said  Popanilla,  "I  thought  that 
in  a  country  where  you  may  bastinado  the 
wretch  who  presumes  to  ask  you  for  alms, 
there  could  surely  be  no  objection  to  my  knock- 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  71 

ing  down  the  scoundrel  who  dared  to  stand  in 
my  way. 

"  By  no  means !"  said  his  friend,  sHghtly 
elevating  his  eye-brows.  "  Here  all  men  are 
equal.  You  are  probably  not  aware  that  you 
are  at  present  in  the  freest  country  in  the 
world.'' 

"  I  do  not  exactly  understand  you ;  what  is 
this  freedom  ?" 

"  My  good  friend  !  1  really  am  the  last  person 
in  the  world  to  answer  questions.  Freedom  is, 
in  one  word — Liberty :  a  kind  of  thing  which 
you  foreigners  never  can  understand,  and  which 
mere  theory  can  make  no  man  understand. 
When  you  have  been  in  the  island  a  few  weeks, 
all  will  be  quite  clear  to  you.  In  the  mean  time, 
do  as  others  do,  and  never  knock  men  down ! ** 


72  THE  VOYAGE  OF 


CHAPTER  VII. 

"  Although  we  are  yet  some  way  from  our 
hotel,"  remarked  Popanilla's  conductor,  "  we 
have  now  arrived  at  a  part  of  the  city  where  I 
can  ease  you,  without  difficulty,  from  your  trou- 
blesome burthen  ;  let  us  enter  here  !" 

As  he  spoke,  they  stopped  before  a  splendid 
palace,  and  proceeding  through  various  halls 
full  of  individuals  apparently  intently  busied, 
the  companions  were  at  last  ushered  into  an 
apartment  of  smaller  size,  but  of  more  elegant 
character.  A  personage  of  prepossessing  ap- 
pearance was  lolling  on  a  couch  of  an  appear- 
ance equally  prepossessing.  Before  him,  on  a 
table,  were  some  papers,    exquisite  fruits,  and 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  73 

some  liqueurs.  Popanilla  was  presented,  and  re- 
ceived with  the  most  fascinating  complaisance. 
His  friend  stated  the  object  of  their  visit,  and 
handed  the  sackful  of  gold  to  the  gentleman 
.  on  the  sofa.  The  gentleman  on  the  sofa  ordered 
a  couple  of  attendants  to  ascertain  its  contents. 
While  this  computation  was  going  on,  he  amused 
his  guests  by  his  lively  conversation,  and 
charmed  Popanilla  by  his  pohshed  manners, 
and  easy  civiHty.  He  offered  him,  during  hir" 
stay  at  Vraibleusia,  the  use  of  a  couple  of  equi- 
pages, a  villa,  and  an  opera-box  ;  insisted  upon 
sending  to  his  hotel  some  pine-apples,  and 
some  very  rare  wine ;  and  gave  him  a  per- 
petual ticket  to  his  picture-gallery.  When 
his  attendants  had  concluded  their  calculation, 
he  ordered  them  to  place  Popanilla's  precious 
metal  in  his  treasury ;  and  then  presenting  the 
captain  with  a  small  packet  of  pink  shells,  he 
kindly  inquired  whether  he  could  be  of  any 
further   use   to  him.     Popanilla  was  very  loth 

to   retire  without  his    gold,   of   the    utihty   of 
8 


74  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

which,  in  spite  of  the  conveniency  of  competition, 
he  seemed  to  possess  an  instinctive  conception  ; 
but  as  his  friend  rose  and  withdrew,  he  could 
do  nothing  less  than  accompany  him  ;  for  having 
now  known  him  nearly  half  a  day,  his  con-, 
fidence  in  his  honour  and  integrity  was  naturally 
unbounded. 

"  That  was  the  king,  of  course  ?"  said  Popa- 
nilla,  when  they  were  fairly  out  of  the  palace. 

"  The  king !"  said  the  unknown,  nearly  sur- 
prised into  an  exclamation — "  by  no  means  !" 

"And  what  then?" 

"  My  good  friend  !  is  it  possible  that  you  have 
no  bankers  in  your  country  V 

"  Yes,  it  is  very  possible  ;  but  we  have  mer- 
maids, who  also  give  us  shells  which  are  very 
pretty.     What  then  are  your  bankers  ?'' 

•'  Really,  my  good  friend !  that  is  a  question 
which  1  never  remember  having  been  asked 
before  ;  but  a  banker  is  a  man  who — keeps  our 
money  for  us." 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  75 

*^  Ah !  and  he  is  bound,  I  suppose,  to  return  you 
your  money  when  you  choose." 

"  Most  assuredly  !" 

"  He  is  then,  in  fact,  your  servant :  you  must 
pay  him  handsomely,  for  him  to  Hve  so  well  ?" 

•'  By  no  means  !   we  pay  him  nothing." 

"  That  is  droll,  he  must  be  very  rich  then  ?" 

"  Really,  my  dear  friend  !  I  cannot  say. — Why, 
yes  !  I — I  suppose,  he  may  be  very  rich  !" 

•'  ""Tis  singular  that  a  rich  man  should  take  so 
much  trouble  for  others  !" 

"  My  good  friend  !  of  course  he  lives  by  his 
trouble." 

'^  Ah  !  How  then,"  continued  the  inquisitive 
Fantaisian,  "  if  you  do  not  pay  him  for  his  ser- 
vices, and  he  yet  lives  by  them,  how,  I  pray, 
does  he  acquire  these  immense  riches  ?" 

"  Really,  my  good  sir,  I  am,  in  truth,  the  very 
last  man  in  the  world  to  answer  questions :  he  is 
a  banker — bankers  are  always  rich — but  why 
they  are,  or  how  they  are,  I  really  never  had 


76  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

time  to  inquire.  But  I  suppose,  if  the  truth 
were  known,  they  must  have  very  great  opportu- 
nities." 

''  Ah  !  I  begin  to  see,"  said  Popanilla. — "  It 
was  really  very  kind  of  him,"  continued  the  cap- 
tain, "  to  make  me  a  present  of  these  little  pink 
shells  :  what  would  I  not  now  give  to  turn  them 
into  a  necklace,  and  send  it  to  a  certain  person 
at  Fantaisie  !" 

*•*  It  would  be  a  very  expensive  necklace,"  ob- 
served his  companion,  almost  surprised.  "  I  had 
no  idea,  I  confess,  from  your  appearance,  that  in 
your  country  they  indulged  in  such  expensive 
tastes  in  costume  ?" 

•'  Expensive  ?"  said  Popanilla.  "  We  certainly 
have  no  such  shells  as  these  in  Fantaisie  ;  but 
we  have  much  more  beautiful  ones — I  should 
think,  from  their  look,  they  must  be  rather  com- 
mon." 

His  conductor,  for  the  first  time,  nearly 
laughed.  "I  forgot,"  said  he,  "that  you 
could  not  possibly  be   aware,   that  these  pink 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  77 

shells  are  the  most  precious  coin  of  the  land ; 
compared  with  which,  those  bits  of  gold  with 
which  you  have  recently  parted,  are  nothing — 
your  whole  fortune  is  now  in  that  little  packet. 
The  fact  is,"  continued  the  unknown,  making 
an  effort  to  communicate,  "  although  we  possess 
in  this  country  more  of  the  precious  metals 
than  all  the  rest  of  the  world  together,  the 
quantity  is  nevertheless  utterly  disproportioned 
to  the  magnitude  of  our  wealth,  and  our  wants. 
We  have  been,  therefore,  under  the  necessity  of 
resorting  to  other  means  of  representing  the 
tirst,  and  supplying  the  second  ;  and  taking 
advantage  of  our  insular  situation,  we  have 
introduced  these  small  pink  shells,  which  abound 
all  round  the  coast.  Being  much  more  con- 
venient to  carry,  they  are  in  general  circulation, 
and  no  genteel  person  has  ever  any  thing  else  in 
his  pocket." 

"  Wonderful !  but  surely,  then,  it  is  no  very 
difficult  thing,  in  this   country,  to  accumulate  a 

fortune,  since  all   that  is  necessary  to  give  you 
8* 


78  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

every  luxury  of  life,  is  a  stroll  one  morning  of 
your  existence  along  the  beach." 

"  By  no  means,  my  friend !  you  are  really 
too  rapid !  The  fact  is,  that  no  one  has  the 
power  of  originally  circulating  these  shells,  but 
our  Government;  and  if  any  one,  by  any 
chance,  choose  to  violate  this  arrangement,  we 
make  up  for  depriving  him  of  his  solitary 
walks  on  the  shore,  by  instant  submersion  in 
the  sea,*' 

*'  Then  the  whole  circulation  of  the  country  is 
at  the  mercy  of  your  Government?"  remarked 
Popanilla ;  summoning  to  his  recollection  the 
contents  of  one  of  those  shipwrecked  brochures 
which  had  exercised  so  strange  an  influence  on 
his  destiny,  "suppose  they  do  not  choose  to 
issue  ?" 

•'  That  is  always  guarded  against.  The  mere 
quarterly  payments  of  interest  upon  our  national 
debt  will  secure  an  ample  supply." 

"  Debt !  I  thought  you  were  the  richest  nation 
in  the  world  ?" 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  70 

"  'Tis  true ;  nevertheless,  if  there  were  a 
golden  pyramid,  with  a  base  as  big  as  the  whole 
earth,  and  an  apex  touching  the  heavens,  it 
would  not  supply  us  with  sufficient  metal  to 
satisfy  our  creditors." 

"  But,  my  dear  sir,"  exclaimed  the  perplexed 
Popanilla,  "if  this  really  be  true,  how,  then, 
can  you  be  said  to  be  the  richest  nation  in  the 
world  ?" 

"It  is  very  simple.  The  annual  interest 
upon  our  debt  exceeds  the  whole  wealth  of  the 
rest  of  the  world ;  therefore,  we  must  be  the 
richest  nation  in  the  world." 

"  'Tis  very  true,"  said  Popanilla  ;  "  1  see  I 
have  yet  much  to  learn.  But  with  regard  to 
these  pink  shells,  how  can  you  possibly  create 
for  them  a  certain  standard  of  value  ?  It  is 
merely  agreement  among  yourselves  that  fixes 
any  value  to  them." 

"  By  no  means !  you  are  so  rapid !  Each 
shell  is  immediately  convertible  into  gold;  of 
which  metal,  let  me  again  remind  you,  we  pos- 


80  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

sess  more  than  any  other  nation  ;  but  which,  in- 
deed, we  only  keep  as  a  sort  of  dress  coin, 
chiefly  to  indulge  the  prejudices  of  foreigners." 

"  But,"  said  the  perpetual  Popanilla,  "  suppose 
every  man  who  held  a  shell  on  the  same  day 
were  to " 

"  My  good  friend  !  I  really  am  the  last  per- 
son in  the  world  to.  give  explanations.  In 
Vraibleusia,  we  have  so  much  to  do,  that  we 
have  no  time  to  think — a  habit  which  only  be- 
comes nations  who  are  not  employed.  You  are 
now  fast  approaching  the  Greal  Shell  Question  ; 
a  question  which,  I  confess,  affects  the  interests 
of  every  man  in  this  island  more  than  any  other ; 
but  of  which,  I  must  candidly  own,  every  man 
in  this  island  is  more  ignorant  than  in  any  other. 
No  one,  however,  can  deny  that  the  system 
works  well ;  and  if  any  thing  at  any  time  go 
wrong,  why  really  Mr.  Secretary  Periwinkle  is 
a  wonderful  man,  and  our  most  eminent  con- 
chologist — he,  no  doubt,  will  set  it  right;  and 
if,  by  any  chance,  things  are  past  even  his  ma- 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  81 

nagement,  why  then,  I  suppose,  to  use  our  nation- 
al motto — something  will  turn  up,^"* 

Here  they  arrived  at  the  hotel.  Having 
made  every  arrangement  for  the  comfort  and 
convenience  of  the  Fantaisian  stranger,  Popa- 
nilla's  conductor  took  his  leave  ;  previously  in- 
forming him,  that  his  name  was  Skindeep  ;  that 
he  was  a  member  of  one  of  the  largest  famihes  in 
the  island  ;  that  had  he  not  been  engaged  to 
attend  a  lecture  upon  the  system  adopted  with 
regard  to  the  salaries  of  the  professors  in  the 
Universities  of  the  Antipodes,  he  would  have 
stayed  and  dined  with  him  ;  but  that  he  would 
certainly  call  upon  him  on  the  morrow. 

Compared  with  this  hotel,  the  palace  of  his 
banker  was  a  dungeon  ;  even  the  sunset  volup- 
tuousness of  Fantaisie  was  now  remembered 
without  regret  in  the  blaze  of  artificial  hght, 
and  in  the  artificial  gratification  of  desires  which 
art  had  alone  created.  After  a  magnificent  re- 
past, his  host  pohtely  inquired  of  Popanilla 
whether  he  would  like  to  go  to  the  Opera,  the 


82  THE    VOYAGE    OF 

Comedy,  or  a  Concert ;  but  the  Fantaisian  phi- 
losopher was  not  yet  quite  corrupted ;  and  still 
inspired  with  a  desire  to  acquire  useful  know- 
ledge, he  begged  his  landlord  to  procure  him  im- 
mediately a  pamphlet  on  the  Shell  Question. 

While  his  host  was  engaged  in  procuring  this 
luxury,  a  man  entered  the  room  and  told  Popa- 
nilla  that  he  had  walked  that  day  two  thousand 
five  hundred  paces,  and  that  the  tax  due  to  the 
excise  upon  this  promenade  was  fifty  crowns. 
The  captain  stared,  and  remarked  to  the  excise- 
officer,  that  he  thought  a  man's  paces  were  a 
very  strange  article  to  tax :  the  excise-officer, 
with  great  civility,  answered  that,  no  doubt  at 
first  sight  it  might  appear  rather  strange,  but 
that  it  was  the  only  article  left  untaxed  in  Vrai- 
bleusia  ;  that  there  was  a  sHght  deficiency  in  the 
last  quarter's  revenue,  and  that  therefore  the 
Government  had  no  alternative  ;  that  it  was  a 
tax  which  did  not  press  heavily  upon  the  indivi- 
dual, because  the  Vraibleusians  were  of  a  very 
sedentary  habit ;  that  besides,  it  was  an  opinion 


CAPTAIN    POPANILLA.  83 

every  day  more  received  among  the  best  judges, 
that  the  more  a  man  v^^as  taxed,  the  richer  he 
ultimately  vvrould  prove  ;  and  he  concluded  by 
saying,  that  Popanilla  need  not  make  himself 
uneasy  about  these  demands  ;  because,  if  he  were 
ruined  to-morrow,  being  a  foreigner,  he  was  en- 
titled by  the  law  of  the  land  to  five  thousand 
a-year  ;  whereas,  he,  the  exciseman,  being  a  na- 
tive-born Vraibleusian,  had  no  claims  whatever 
upon  the  Government ;  therefore  he  hoped  his 
honour  would  give  him  something  to  drink. 

His  host  now  entered  with  the  "  Novum 
Organon"  of  the  great  Periwinkle. — While 
Popanilla  devoured  the  lively  pages  of  this 
treatise,  he  discovered  that  the  system  which 
had  been  so  subtilely  introduced  by  the  Go- 
vernment, and  which  had  so  surprised  him  in 
the  morning,  had  soon  been  adopted  in  private 
life  ;  and  although  it  was  drowning  matter  to 
pick  up  pink  shells,  still  there  was  nothing  to 
prevent  the  whole  commerce  of  the  country 
from  being  carried  on  by  means  of  a  system 


84  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

equally  conchological.  He  found  that  the 
social  action  in  every  part  of  the  island  was 
regulated  and  assisted  by  this  process.  Oyster- 
shells  were  first  introduced ;  muscle-shells 
speedily  followed  ;  and,  as  commerce  became 
more  complicate,  they  had  even  been  obliged 
to  have  recourse  to  snail-shells.  Popanilla  re- 
tired to  rest  with  the  most  perfect  admiration 
of  the  people  who  thus  converted  to  the  most 
useful  purposes,  things  apparently  so  useless. 
There  was  no  saying  now  what  might  not  be 
done,  even  with  a  nut-shell.  It  was  evident 
that  the  nation,  who  contrived  to  be  the  richest 
people  in  the  world,  while  they  were  over  head 
and  ears  in  debt,  must  be  fast  approaching  to  a 
state  of  perfection.  Finally,  sinking  to  sleep  in 
a  bed  of  eiderdown,  Popanilla  was  confirmed  in 
his  prejudices  against  a  state  of  Nature. 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  85 


CHAPTER  VIII. 


Skindeep  called  upon  Popanilla  on  the  fol- 
lowing morning  in  a  very  elegant  equipage, 
and,  with  great  politeness,  proposed  to  attend 
him  in  a  drive  about  the  city. 

The  Island  Vraibleusia  is  one  hundred  and 
fifty  miles  in  circumference,  two-thirds  of  which 
are  covered  by  the  city  of  Hubbabub.  It  con- 
tains no  other  city,  nor  town,  nor  village.  The 
rest  of  the  island  consists  of  three  hundred 
rivers,  five  hundred  canals,  and  twelve  hundred 
rail-roads.  Popanilla  was  surprised  when  he 
was  informed  that  Hubbabub  did  not  contain 
more  than  five  millions  of  inhabitants ;  but  his 
surprise  was  decreased,  when  their  journey  occa- 
sionally lay  through  tracts  of  streets,  consist- 
9 


S6  THE  VOYAGE  Of 

ing  often  of  capacious  mansions  which  were 
entirely  tenantless.  On  seeking  an  explana- 
tion of  this  seeming  desolation,  he  was  told  that 
the  Hubbabubians  were  possessed  by  a  phrenzy 
of  always  moving  westward  ;  and  that  conse- 
quently great  quarters  of  the  city  are  perpe* 
tually  deserted.  Even  as  Skindeep  was  speak- 
ing, their  passage  was  stopped  by  a  larg^e  cdra- 
van  of  carriages  and  wagons  heavily  laden 
with  human  creatures,  and  their  children  and 
chattels.  On  Skindeep  inquiring  the  cause  of 
this  great  movement,  he  was  informed  by  one 
on  horseback,  who  seemed  to  be  the  leader  of 
the  horde,  that  they  were  the  late  dwellers  in 
sundry  squares  and  streets,  situated  far  to  the 
east :  that  their  houses  having  been  ridiculed  by 
an  itinerant  ballad-singer,  the  female  part  of  the 
tribe  had  insisted  upon  immediately  quitting 
their  unfashionable  fatherland  ;  and  that  now, 
after  three  days'  journey,  they  had  succeeded 
in  reaching  the  late  settlement  of  a  horde,  who 
had  migrated  to  the  extreme  west. 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  87 

Quitting  regions  so  subject  to  revolutions 
and  vicissitudes,  the  travellers  once  more  emerg- 
ed into  quarters  of  a  less  transitory  reputa- 
tion ;  and  in  the  magnificent  parks,  the  broad 
streets,  the  ample  squares,  the  palaces,  the 
triumphal  arches,  and  the  theatres  of  occidental 
Hubbabub,  Popanilla  lost  those  sad  and  mourn- 
ful feelings  which  are  ever  engendered  by  con- 
templating the  gloomy  rehcs  of  departed  great- 
ness. It  was  impossible  to  admire  too  much  the 
architecture  of  this  part  of  the  city.  The  ele- 
vations were  indeed  imposing.  In  general,  the 
massy  Egyptian  appropriately  graced  the  attic- 
stories  ;  while  the  finer  and  more  elaborate  ar- 
chitecture of  Corinth  was  placed  on  a  level 
with  the  eye,  so  that  its  beauties  might  be 
more  easily  discovered.  Spacious  colonnades 
were  flanked  by  porticoes,  surmounted  by  domes  ; 
nor  was  the  number  of  columns  at  all  limited, 
for  you  occasionally  met  with  porticoes  of  two 
tiers,  the  lower  one  of  which  consisted  of  three, 
the  higher  one    of  thirty  columns.      Pedestals 


88  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

of  the  purest  Ionic  Gothic,  were  ingeniously 
intermixed  with  Palladian  pediments ;  and  the 
surging  spire  exquisitely  harmonized  with  the  ho- 
rizontal architecture  of  the  ancients.  But  per- 
haps, after  all,  the  most  charming  effect  was  pro- 
duced by  the  pyramids,  surmounted  by  weather- 
cocks. 

Popanilla  was  particularly  pleased  by  some 
chimneys  of  Caryatides,  and  did  not  for  a  moment 
hesitate  in  assenting  to  the  assertion  of  Skindeep, 
that  the  Vraibleusians  were  the  most  architectu- 
ral nation  in  the  world.  True  it  was,  they  had 
begun  late ;  their  attention,  as  a  people,  having 
been,  for  a  considerable  time,  attracted  to  much 
more  important  affairs  ;  but  they  had  compensated 
for  their  tardy  attention,  by  their  speedy  excel- 
lence.* 

Before  they  returned  home,  Skindeep  led 
Popanilla  to  the  top  of  a  tower,  from  whence 

*  See  a  work  which  will  be  shortly  published,  entitled 
"  The  difference  detected  between  Architecture,  and  Parchi- 
tecture,  by  Sansovino  the  Second." 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  89 

they  had  a  complete  view  of  the  whole  island. 
Skindeep  particularly  directed  the  captain's 
attention  to  one  spot,  where  flourished,  as  he 
said,  the  only  corn-fields  in  the  country,  which 
supplied  the  whole  nation,  and  were  the  pro- 
perty of  one  individual.  So  unrivalled  was  his 
agricultural  science,  that  the  vulgar  only  ac- 
counted for  his  admirable  produce  by  a  mi- 
raculous fecundity  I  The  proprietor  of  these 
hundred  golden  acres,  was  a  rather  mysterious 
kind  of  personage.  He  was  an  aboriginal  in- 
habitant, and  though  the  only  one  of  the  abo- 
rigines in  existence,  had  lived  many  centuries  ; 
and  to  the  consternation  of  some  of  the  Vrai- 
bleusians,  and  the  exultation  of  others,  exhi- 
bited no  signs  of  decay.  This  awful  being 
was  without  a  name.  When  spoken  of  by  his 
admirers,  he  was  generally  described  by  such 
panegyrical  paraphrases  as,  "  soul  of  the  coun- 
try,"— "  foundation  of  the  state," — "  the  only 
real,  and   true,  and  substantial  being," — while 

oa  the  other  hand,  those  who  presumed  to  diifer 
9* 


90  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

from  those  sentiments,  were  in  the  habit  of 
styling  him  "  the  dead  weight," — "  the  vam- 
pire,"— "  the  night-mare," — and  other  titles 
equally  complimentary.  They  also  maintain- 
ed, that  instead  of  being  either  real  or  sub- 
stantial, he  was,  in  fact,  the  most  flimsy  and  fic- 
titious personage  in  the  whole  island  ;  and  then, 
lashing  themselves  up  into  metaphor,  they  would 
call  him  a  meteor,  or  a  vapour,  or  a  great  windy 
bubble,  that  would  some  day  burst. 

The  Aboriginal  insisted  that  it  was  the  com- 
mon law  of  the  land,  that  the  Islanders  should 
purchase  their  corn  only  of  him.  They  grum- 
bled, but  he  growled  ;  he  swore  that  it  was  the 
constitution  of  the  country ;  that  there  was  an 
uninterrupted  line  of  precedents  to  confirm  the 
claim  ;  and  that  if  they  did  not  approve  of  the 
arrangement,  they  and  their  fathers  should  not 
have  elected  to  have  settled,  or  presumed  to  have 
been  spawned  upon  his  island.  Then,  as  if  he  were 
not  desirous  of  resting  his  claim  on  its  mere  legal 
merits,  he  would  remind  them  of  the  superiority 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  91 

of  his  grain,  and  the  impossibility  of  a  scarcity, 
in  the  event  of  which  calamity,  an  insular  people 
could  always  find  a  plentiful,  though  temporary 
resource  in  sea-weed,  He  then  clearly  proved 
to  them,  that  if  ever  they  had  the  imprudence  to 
change  any  of  their  old  laws,  they  would  necessa- 
rily never  have  more  than  one  meal  a-day  as  long 
as  they  lived.  Finally,  he  recalled  to  their  re- 
collection, that  he  had  made  the  island  what  it 
was,  that  he  was  their  mainstay,  and  that  his 
counsel  and  exertions  had  rendered  them  the 
wonder  of  the  world.  Thus,  between  force,  and 
fear,  and  flattery,  the  Vraibleusians  paid  for  their 
com  nearly  its  weight  in  gold  ;  but  what  did  that 
signify  to  a  nation  with  so  many  pink  shells  ! 


92!  THE  VOYAaE  OF 


CHAPTER  IX. 

The  third  day,  after  his  drive  with  his  friend 
Skindeep,  Popanilla  was  waited  upon  by  the 
most  eminent  bookseller  in  Hubbabub,  who 
begged  to  have  the  honour  of  introducing  to  the 
public  a  Narrative  of  Captain  Fopanilla^s 
Voyage.  This  gentleman  assured  Popanilla, 
that  the  Vraibleusian  public  was  most  nervously 
alive  to  any  thing  connected  with  discovery ; 
that  so  ardent  was  their  attachment  to  every 
thing  relative  to  science  or  natural  philosophy, 
that  voyages  and  travels  were  sure  to  be  read 
with  great  eagerness,  particularly  if  they  had 
coloured  plates.  Popanilla  was  charmed  with 
the  proposition^  but   blushingly   informed    the 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  93 

mercantile  Mecaenas  that  he  did  not  know  how 
to  write.  The  publisher  told  him  that  this 
circumstance  was  not  of  the  slightest  import- 
ance; that  he  had  never  for  a  moment  sup- 
posed that  so  sublime  a  savage  could  possess 
such  a  vulgar  accomplishment,  and  that  it  was 
by  no  means  difficult  for  a  man  to  publish  his 
Travels  without  writing  a  line  of  them. 

Popanilla  having  consented  to  become  an 
author  upon  these  terms,  the  publisher  asked 
him  to  dine  with  him,  and  introduced  him  to  a 
very  intelligent  individual.  This  very  intelli- 
gent individual  listened  very  attentively  to  all 
Popanilla's  adventures.  The  captain  concealed 
nothing.  He  began  with  the  eternal  lock  of 
hair,  and  showed  how  wonderfully  this  world 
was  constituted,  that  even  the  loss  of  a  thing  was 
not  useless ;  from  which  it  was  clear,  that  Uti- 
lity was  Providence.  After  drinking  a  dozen 
bottles  of  wine,  the  intelligent  individual  told 
Popanilla  that  he  was  wrong  in  supposing  Fan- 
taisie  to  be  an  island ;  that,  on  the  contrary,  it 


94  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

was  a  great  continent — that  this  was  proved  by 
the  probable  action  of  the  tides  in  the  part  of 
the  island  which  had  not  yet  been  visited — that 
the  consequence  of  these  tides  would  be,  that 
in  the  course  of  a  season  or  two,  Fantaisie 
would  become  a  great  receptacle  for  icebergs, 
and  be  turned  into  the  North  Pole — that,  there- 
fore, the  seasons  throughout  the  world  would 
be  changed — that  this  year  in  Vraibleusia,  the 
usual  winter  would  be  omitted,  and  that  when 
the  present  summer  was  finished,  the  dog-days 
would  again  commence.  Popanilla  took  his 
leave,  highly  delighted  with  this  intelligent  in- 
dividual, and  with  the  bookseller's  wine. 

Owing  to  the  competition  which  existed  be- 
tween the  publishers,  the  printers,  and  the  en- 
gravers, of  the  city  of  Hubbabub,  and  the 
great  exertions  of  the  intelligent  individual,  the 
narrative  of  Captain  Popanilla's  voyage  was 
brought  out  in  less  than  a  week,  and  was  im- 
mediately in  every  body's  hand.  The  work 
contained   a    detailed    account  of    every  thing 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  95 

which  took  place  during  the  whole  of  the  three 
days,  and  formed  a  quarto  volume.  The  plates 
were  numerous  and  highly  interesting.  There 
was  a  line-engraving  of  Alligator  Mountain,  and 
a  mezzotint  of  Seaweed  Island ;  a  view  of  the 
canoe  N.  E. ;  a  view  of  the  canoe  N.  W.^  a  view 
of  the  canoe  S*  E; ;  a  view  of  the  canoe  S.  W. 
There  were  highly  finished  coloured  drawings 
of  the  dried  fish  and  the  bread-fruit,  and  an 
exquisitely  tinted  representation  of  the  latter  in 
a  mouldy  state.  But  the  chef-dPaiivre  was  the 
portrait  of  the  Author  himself.  He  was  repre- 
sented trampling  on  the  body  of  a  boa  con- 
strictor of  the  first  quality,  in  the  skin  of  which 
he  was  dressed— at  his  back  were  his  bow  and 
arrows— his  right  hand  rested  on  an  uprooted 
pine-tree — he  stood  in  a  desert  between  two 
volcanoes — at  his  feet  was  a  lake  of  the  greatest 
magnitude — the  distance  lowered  with  an  ap- 
proaching tornado  ;  but  a  lucky  flash  of  light- 
ning revealed  the  range  of  the  Andes,  and 
both  Oceans.     Altogether  he  looked  the  most 


96  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

dandyfied  of  savages,  and  the  most  savage  of 
dandies.  It  was  a  sublime  lithograph,  and  pro- 
duced scarcely  less  important  effects  upon  Popa- 
nilla's  fortune,  than  that  lucky  "  lock  of  hair;'' 
for  no  sooner  was  the  portrait  published,  than 
Popanilla  received  a  ticket  for  the  soirees  in- 
tellectuelles  of  a  lady  of  quality.  On  showing 
it  to  Skindeep,  he  was  told  that  the  honour 
was  immense,  and  therefore  he  must  go  by  all 
means.  Skindeep  regretted  that  he  could  not 
accompany  him,  but  he  was  engaged  to  a  lec- 
ture on  shoemaking;  and  a  lecture  was  a  thing 
which  he  made  it  a  point  never  to  miss;  be- 
cause, as  he  very  properly  observed,  by  lectures 
you  may  become  extremely  well-informed,  with- 
out an}»  of  the  inconveniences  of  study.  No 
fixity  of  attention,  no  continuity  of  meditation, 
no  habits  of  reflection,  no  aptitude  of  combi- 
nation, are  the  least  requisite  ;  all  which  things 
only  give  you  a  nervous  head-ache — and  yet 
you  gain  all  the  results  of  all  these  processes. 
True  it  is,  that  that  which  is  so  easily  acquired, 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  97 

is  not  always  so  easily  remembered  ;  but  what 
of  that?  Suppose  you  forget  any  subject- 
why  then  you  go  to  another  lecture."  "  Very 
true !"  said  Popanilla. 

Popanilla  failed  not  to  remember  his  invita- 
tion from  Lady  Spirituelle ;  and,  at  the  proper 
hour,  h,s  announcement   produced  a   sensation 
throughout  her    crowded    saloons.      Spirituelle 
was  a   most  enchanting  lady;  she  asked    Popa- 
n.na  how  tall  he  really  was,  and  whether   the 
women  in  Fantaisie  were  as  handsome   as  the 
"en.     Then  she    said    that    the    Vraibleusians 
were  the  most  intellectual  and  the  most  scien- 
t'bc  nation   in  the   world,  and  that   the  society 
at  her  house  was   the  most   intellectual  and  the 
most    scientific  in  Vraibleusia.     She    told  him 
also,  that  she  had    hoped    by  this   season  the 
world  would   have   been   completely  regulated 
by   m.nd  ;    but  that  the  subversion  of   matter 
was  a  more  substantial    business   than  she  and 
the   Committee  of  Management  had  imagined  • 
she  had  no  doubt,  however,  that  in  a  very  short 


98  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

time,  mind  must  carry  the  day  ;  because  matter 
was  mortal,  and  mind  eternal ;  therefore,  mind 
had  the  best  chance.  Finally,  she  also  told  him 
that  the  passions  were  the  occasion  of  all  the 
misery  which  had  ever  existed  ;  and  that  it  was 
impossible  for  mankind  ever  to  be  happy  or 
great,  until,  like  herself  and  her  friends,  they 
were  "  all  soul." 

Popanilla  was  quite  charmed  with  his  com- 
pany. What  a  difference  between  the  calm, 
smiling,  easy,  uninteresting,  stupid,  sunset  coun- 
tenances of  Fantaisie,  and  those  around  him. 
All  looked  so  interested,  and  so  intelligent; 
their  eyes  were  so  anxious,  their  gestures  so 
animated,  their  manners  so  earnest.  They 
must  be  very  clever  !  He  drew  nearer.  If  be- 
fore he  were  charmed,  now  he  was  enchanted  : 
what  an  universal  acquisition  of  useful  know- 
ledge! Three  or  four  Dukes  were  earnestly 
imbibing  a  new  theory  of  gas,  from  a  brilliant 
little  gentleman  in  black,  who  looked  like  a 
Will-o'-the-wisp.      The     Prime     Minister     was 


CAPTAIN    POPANILLA.  99 

very  anxious  about  pin-making.  A  Bishop 
equally  interested  in  a  dissertation  on  the  es- 
capements of  watches.  A  Field-marshal,  not 
less  intent  on  a  new  specific  from  the  concen- 
trated essence  of  hellebore.  But  what  most 
delighted  Popanilla,  was  hearing  a  lecture  from 
the  most  eminent  lawyer  and  statesman  in  Vrai- 
bleusia,  on  his  first  and  favourite  study  of 
hydrostatics.  His  associations  quite  overcame 
him :  all  Fantaisie  rushed  upon  his  memory, 
and  he  was  obliged  to  retire  to  a  less  frequented 
part  of  the  room,  to  reHeve  his  too  excited 
feelings. 

He  was  in  a  few  minutes  addressed  by  the 
identical  little  gentleman  who  had  recently  been 
speculating  with  the  three  Dukes. 

The  little  gentleman  told  him  that  he  had 
heard  with  great  pleasure,  that  in  Fantaisie 
they  had  no  historians,  poets,  or  novelists.  He 
proved  to  Popanilla  that  no  such  thing  as  Expe- 
rience existed — that  as  the  world  was  now  to  be 
regulated  on  quite  different  principles  to  those 


100  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

by  which  it  hitherto  had  been  conducted,  simi- 
lar events  to  those  which  had  occurred  could 
never  again  take  place  ;  and  therefore  it  was 
absolutely  useless  to  know  any  thing  about  the 
past.  With  regard  to  literary  fiction,  he  ex- 
plained, that  as  it  was  absolutely  necessary  from 
his  nature,  that  man  should  experience  a  certain 
quantity  of  excitement,  the  false  interest  which 
these  productions  created,  prevented  their  read- 
ers from  obtaining  this  excitement  by  methods 
which,  by  the  discovery  of  the  useful,  might 
greatly  benefit  society." 

"  You  are  of  opinion,  then,"  exclaimed  the 
delighted  Popanilla,  "  that  nothing  is  good  which 
is  not  useful." 

"  Is  it  possible  that  an  individual  exists  in  this 
world,  who  doubts  this  great  first  principle  ?" 
said  the  little  man  with  great  animation. 

"  Ah  !  my  dear  friend !"  said  Popanilla,  "  if 
you  only  knew  what  an  avowal  of  this  great 
first  principle  has  cost  me — what  1  have  suffered 
— what  I  have  lost !" 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  101 

"What  have  you  lost?"  asked  the  little  gen- 
tleman. 

"  In  the  first  place,  a  lock  of  hair — " 

"  Poh  !  nonsense  !" 

"  Ah!  you  may  say  poh  !  but  it  was  a  very  par- 
ticular lock  of  hair." 

"  My  friend,  that  word  is  odious.  Nothing 
is  particular^  every  thing  is  general  Rules  are 
general — feelings  are  general— and  property 
should  be  general :  and,  sir,  I  tell  you  what,  in  a 
very  short  time,  it  must  be  so.  Why  should 
Lady  Spirituelle,  for  instance,  receive  me  at  her 
house,  rather  than  I  receive  her  at  mine  ?" 

"  Why  don't  you,  then  ?"  asked  the  simple 
Popanilla. 

"  Because  1  have  not  got  one,  sir!"  roared  the 
little  gentleman. 

He  would  certainly  have  broke  away,  had 
not  Popanilla  begged  him  to  answer  one  ques- 
tion. The  captain,  reiterating  in  the  most 
solemn   manner  his   firm  belief  in  the  dogma, 

that  nothing  was  good  which  was   not  useful, 
10* 


l02  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

and  again  detailing  the  persecutions  which  this 
conviction  had  brought  upon  him,  was  delighted 
that  an  opportunity  was  now  afforded  to  gain, 
from  the  hps  of  a  distinguished  philosopher,  a 
definition  of  what  utility  really  was.  The  distin- 
guished philosopher  could  not  refuse  so  trifling 
a  favour. 

"  Utility,"  said  he  "  is " 

At  this  critical  moment  there  was  an  uni- 
versal buzz  throughout  the  rooms,  and  every 
body  looked  so  interested,  that  the  philosopher 
quite  forgot  to  finish  his  answer.  On  inquiring 
the  cause  of  this  great  sensation,  Popanilla  was 
informed,  that  a  rumour  was  about,  that  a  new 
element  had  been  discovered  that  afternoon. 
The  party  speedily  broke  up — the  principal 
philosophers  immediately  rushing  to  their  clubs 
to  ascertain  the  truth  of  this  report.  Popanilla 
was  unfashionable  enough  to  make  his  acknow- 
ledgments to  his  hostess  before  he  left  her  house. 
As  he  gazed  upon  her  ladyship's  brilliant  eyes 
and  radiant  complexion,  he  felt  convinced  of  the 


CAPTAIN    POPANILLA.  103 

truth  of  her  theory  of  the  passions  ;  he  could  not 
refrain  from  pressing  her  hand,  in  a  manner 
which  violated  etiquette,  and  which  a  nativity  in 
the  Indian  Ocean  could  alone  excuse ;  the 
pressure  was  graciously  returned.  As  Popanilla 
descended  the  staircase,  he  discovered  a  note  of 
pink  satin  paper  entangled  in  his  ruffle.  He 
opened  it  with  curiosity.  It  was  "all  soul." 
He  did  not  return  to  his  hotel  quite  so  soon  as  he 
expected. 


104  THE  VOYAGE  OP 


CHAPTER  X. 


PoPANiLLA  breakfasted  rather  late  the  next 
morning,  and  on  looking  over  the  evening  papers^ 
which  were  just  published,  his  eyes  lighted  on 
the  following  paragraph  : — 

"  Arrived  yesterday  at  the  Hotel  Diploma- 
tique, His  Excellency  Prince  Popanilla,  Ambas- 
sador Extraordinary  and  Minister  Plenipo- 
tentiary from  the  newly  recognised  State  of 
Fantaisie." 

Before  his  Excellency  could  either  recover 
from  his  astonishment,  or  make  any  inquiries 
which  might  throw  any  illustration  upon  its 
cause,  a  loud  shout  in  the  street  made  him 
naturally  look    out    of    the   window.     He   oh- 


CAPTAIN    PO PAN ILL A.  105 

served  three  or  four  magnificent  equipages 
drawing  up  at  the  door  of  the  hotel,  and  fol- 
lowed by  a  large  crowdi  Each  carriage  was 
drawn  by  four  horses,  and  attended  by  footmen 
so  radiant  with  gold  and  scarlet,  that  had  Po- 
panilla  been  the  late  ingenious  Mr.  Keates,  he 
would  have  mistaken  them  for  the  natural  chil- 
dren of  Phoebus  and  Aurora.  The  Ambassador 
forgot  the  irregularity  of  the  paragraph,  in  the 
splendour  of  the  liveries.  He  felt  triumphantly 
conscious  that  the  most  beautiful  rose  in  the 
world  must  look  extremely  pale  by  the  side  of 
scarlet  cloth  ;  and  this  new  example  of  the  su- 
periority of  Art  over  Nature  reminding  him  of 
the  inferiority  of  bread  fruit  to  grilled  muffin, 
he  resolved  to  return  to  breakfast. 

But  it  was  his  fate  to  be  reminded  of  the 
inutility  of  the  best  resolutions,  for  ere  the  cup 
of  coffee  had  touched  his  parched  lips,  the  door 
of  his  room  flew  open,  and  the  Marquess  of 
Moustache  was  announced. 

His  lordship   was   a    young   gentleman   with 


106  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

an  expressive  countenance,  that  is  to  say,  his 
face  was  so  covered  with  hair,  and  the  back  of 
his  head  cropped  so  bald,  that  you  generally 
addressed  him  in  the  rear  by  mistake.  He  did 
not  speak,  but  continued  bowing  for  a  consider- 
able time,  in  that  diplomatic  manner  which 
means  so  much.  By  the  time  he  had  finished 
bowing,  his  suite  had  gained  the  apartment ;  and 
his  Private  Secretary,  one  of  those  uncommonly 
able  men  who  only  want  an  opportunity,  seized 
the  present  one  of  addressing  Popanilla. 

Bowing  to  the  late  captain  with  studied  re- 
spect, he  informed  him  that  the  Marquess  Mous- 
tache was  the  nobleman  appointed  by  the  Go- 
vernment of  Vraibleusia  to  attend  upon  his  Ex- 
cellency during  the  few  first  weeks  of  his  mis- 
sion ;  with  the  view  of  affording  him  all  infor- 
mation upon  those  objects  which  might  natural- 
ly be  expected  to  engage  the  interest,  or  attract 
the  attention  of  so  distinguished  a  personage. 
The  '  ancien  marin'  and  present  Ambassador 
had  been  so  used  to  miracles,  since  the  loss  of 


CAPTAIN    POPANILLA.  107 

that  lock  of  hair,  that  he  did  not  think  it  su- 
pernatural, having,  during  the  last  few  days, 
been  in  turn  a  Fantaisian  nobleman,  a  post- 
captain,  a  fish,  a  goddess,  and  above  all,  an 
author,  he  should  now  be  transformed  into  a 
Plenipotentiary.  Drinking,  therefore,  his  cup  of 
coffee,  he  assumed  an  air  as  if  he  really  were 
used  to  have  a  Marquess  for  an  attendant,  and 
said  that  he  was  at  his  Lordship's  service. 

The  Marquess  bowed  very  low,  and  the  Pri- 
vate Secretary  remarked,  that  the  first  thing  to 
be  done  by  his  Excellency  was  to  be  presented 
to  the  Government.  After  that,  he  was  to  visit 
all  the  Manufactories  in  Vraibleusia,  subscribe 
to  all  the  Charities,  and  dine  with  all  the  Corpo- 
rations, attend  a  dejeuner  a  la  fourchette  at  a 
palace  they  were  at  present  building  under  the 
sea,  give  a  gold  plate  to  be  run  for  on  the 
fashionable  race-course,  be  presented  at  morn- 
ing prayers  at  the  Government  Chapel,  hunt 
once  or  twice,  give  a  dinner  or  two  himself, 
make   one  pun  and  go  to  the  Play ;  by  which 


108  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

various  means,  he  said,  the  good  understanding 
between  the  two  countries  would  be  materially 
increased,  and  in  a  manner  established. 

As  the  Fantaisian  Ambassador  and  his  suite 
entered  their  carriages,  the  sky,  if  it  had  not 
been  for  the  smoke,  would  certainly  have  been 
rent  by  the  acclamation  of  the  mob.  "  Popa- 
nilla  for  ever !"  sounded  from  all  quarters,  ex- 
cept where  the  shout  was  varied  by  "  Vraibleu- 
sia  and  Fantaisie  against  the  world !"  which 
perhaps  was  even  the  most  popular  sentiment  of 
the  two.  The  Ambassador  was  quite  agitated, 
and  asked  the  Marquess  what  he  was  to  do. 
The  Private  Secretary  told  his  Excellency  to 
bow.  Popanilla  bowed  with  such  grace,  that 
in  five  minutes  the  horses  were  taken  out  of  his 
carriage,  and  that  carriage  dragged  in  triumph 
by  the  enthusiastic  populace.  He  continued 
bowing,  and  their  enthusiasm  continued  increas- 
ing. In  the  mean  time,  his  Excellency's  por- 
trait was  sketched  by  an  artist  who  hung  upon 
his  wheel,  and  in  less  than  half  an  hour  a  litho- 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  109 

graphic  likeness  of  the  popular  idol  was  worship- 
ped in  every  print-shop  in  Hubbabub. 

As  they  drew  near  the  Hall  of  Audience, 
the  crowd  kept  increasing,  till  at  length  the 
whole  city  seemed  poured  forth  to  meet  him. 
Although  now  feeling  conscious  that  he  was 
the  greatest  man  in  the  island,  and  therefore 
only  thinking  of  himself,  Popanilla's  attention 
was  nevertheless  at  this  moment  attracted  by  a 
very  singular  figure.  He  was  apparently  a  man  : 
in  stature  a  perfect  Patagonian,  and  robust  as 
a  well-fed  Ogre.  His  countenance  was  jolly, 
but  consequential ;  and  his  costume  a  curious 
mixture  of  a  hunting-dress  and  a  court  suit. 
He  was  on  foot,  and  in  spite  of  the  crowd,  with 
the  aid  of  a  good  whip,  and  his  left  fist,  made  his 
way  with  great  ease.  On  inquiring  who  this  ex- 
traordinary personage  might  be,  Popanilla  was 
informed  that  it  was  the  aboriginal  inhabi- 
tant. As  the  giant  passed  the  Ambassador's 
carriages,  the  whole  suite,  even  Lord  Moustache, 

rose  and  bent  low  ;  and  the  Secretary  told  Popa- 
11 


110  THE  VOYAGE  OP 

nilla  that  there  was  no  person  in  the  island  for 
whom  the  government  of  Vraibleusia  entertained 
so  profound  a  respect. 

The  crowd  was  now  so  immense,  that  even 
the  progress  of  the  Aboriginal  Inhabitant  was 
for  a  moment  impeded.  The  great  man  got 
surrounded  by  a  lai^e  body  of  Httle  mechanics. 
The  contrast  between  the  pale  perspiring  vi- 
sages and  lean  forms  of  these  emaciated  and 
half-generated  creatures,  and  the  jolly  form, 
and  ruddy  countenance,  gigantic  limbs,  and 
ample  frame  of  the  aboriginal,  was  most  strik- 
ing ;  nor  could  any  one  view  the  group  for  an 
instant,  without  feeling  convinced  that  the  lat- 
ter was  really  a  superior  existence.  The  me-  - 
chanics,  who  were  worn  by  labour,  not  reduced 
by  famine,  far  from  being  miserable,  were  very 
impudent.  They  began  rating  the  mighty  one 
for  the  dearness  of  his  corn.  He  received  their 
attacks  with  great  mildness.  He  reminded 
them  that  the  regulation  by  which  they  pro- 
cured their    bread,  was  the    aboriginal  law  of 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  Ill 

the  island,  under  which  they  had  all  so  greatly 
flourished.  He  explained  to  them  that  it  was 
owing  to  this  protecting  principle,  that  he  and 
his  ancestors,  having  nothing  to  do  but  to 
hunt  and  shoot,  had  so  preserved  their  health, 
that,  unlike  the  rest  of  the  human  race,  they 
had  not  degenerated  from  the  original  form 
and  nature  of  man.  He  showed  that  it  was 
owing  to  the  vigour  of  mind  and  body,  conse- 
quent upon  this  fine  health,  that  Vraibleusia 
had  become  the  wonder  of  the  world,  and  that 
they  themselves  were  so  actively  employed ; 
and  he  inferred  that  they  surely  could  not 
grudge  him  the  income  which  he  derived,  since 
that  income  was,  in  fact,  the  foundation  of 
their  own  profits.  He  then  satisfactorily  de- 
monstrated to  them,  that  if,  by  any  circum- 
stances, he  were  to  cease  to  exist,  the  whole 
island  would  immediately  sink  under  the  sea. — 
Having  thus  condescended  to  hold  a  little  par- 
ley with  his  fellow-subjects,  though  not  fellow- 
creatures,  he  gave  them  all  a  good  sound  flogging. 


112  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

and  departed,  amidst  the  loud  and  enthusias- 
tic  cheering  of  those  whom  he  had  so  briskly 
lashed. 

By  this  time  Popanilla  had  arrived  at  the  Hall 
of  Audience. 

"  It  was  a  vast  and  venerable  pile." 

His  Excellency  and  suite  quitted  their  car- 
riages, amidst  the  renewed  acclamations  of  the 
mob.  Proceeding  through  a  number  of  courts 
and  quadrangles,  which  were  all  crowded  with 
guards  and  officials,  they  stopped  before  a  bronze 
gate  of  great  height.  Over  it  was  written,  in 
immense  characters  of  living  flame,  this  inscrip- 
tion : — 

TO 

THE  WISEST  AND  THE  BEST, 

THE  RICHEST  AND  THE  MIGHTIEST, 

THE  GLORY  AND  THE  ADMIRATION, 

THE  DEFENCE  AND  THE  CONSTERNATION. 

On  reading  this  mysterious  inscription,  his 
Excellency   experienced   a   sudden    and    awful 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  113 

shudder.     Lord  Moustache,  however,  who  was 
more  used    to    mysteries,    taking    up   a  silver 
trumpet,  which  was  fixed  to   the   portal  by  a 
crimson  cord,  gave  a  loud  blast.      The    gates 
flew  open  with  the  sound  of  a  whirlwind,  and 
Popanilla   found  himself  in,  what    at  first  ap- 
peared, an   illimitable   hall.      It  was  crowded, 
but    the   most   perfect    order    was     preserved. 
The    Ambassador    was    conducted    with    great 
pomp  to  the  upper  end  of  the  apartment,  where, 
after  an  hour's  walk,    his  Excellency   arrived. 
At  the  extremity  of  the  hall  was  a  colossal  and 
metallic   statue    of    extraordinary    appearance. 
It   represented  an  armed  monarch.     The  head 
and  bust  were  of  gold,  and  the  curling  hair  was 
crowned   with   an  imperial   diadem  :  the  body 
and  arms  were  of  silver,  worked  in  the  sem- 
blance of  a  complete  suit  of  enamelled  armour 
of   the  feudal   ages  ;    and   the   thighs   and   legs 
were  of    iron,  which    the    artist    had    clothed 
in    the    bandaged    hose    of     the    old    Saxons. 

The  figure   bore  the  appearance  of  great  an- 
il* 


1  14  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

tiquity,  but  had  evidently  been  often  repaired 
and  renovated  since  its  first  formation.  The 
workmanship  vv^as  clearly  of  different  eras,  and 
the  reparations,  either  from  ignorance  or  in- 
tention, had  often  been  effected  with  httle 
deference  to  the  original  design.  Part  of  the 
shoulders  had  been  supplied  by  the  other, 
though  less  precious  metal,  and  the  Roman 
and  Imperial  ornaments  had  unaccountably 
been  succeeded  by  the  less  classic,  though 
more  picturesque,  decorations  of  Gothic  ar- 
mour. On  the  other  hand,  a  great  portion  of 
the  chivalric  and  precious  material  of  the  body 
had  been  removed,  and  replaced  by  a  style  and 
substance  resembUng  those  of  the  lower  limbs. 
In  its  right  hand,  the  Statue  brandished  a  naked 
sword ;  and  with  its  left,  leant  upon  a  huge, 
though  extremely  rich  and  elaborately  carved, 
crosier.  It  trampled  upon  a  shivered  lance  and 
a  broken  chain. 

"  Your  Excellency  perceives,*"  said  the  Sec  re- 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  116 

tary,  pointing  to   the  Statue,  "  that  ours   is   a 
mixed  Government." 

Popanilla  was  informed  that  this  extraordinary 
Statue  enjoyed  all  the  faculties  of  an  intellectual 
being,  with  the  additional  advantage  of  some 
faculties,  which  intellectual  beings  do  not  enjoy. 
It  possessed  not  only  the  faculty  of  speech, 
but  of  speaking  truth — not  only  the  power  of 
judgment,  but  of  judging  rightly — not  only  the 
habit  of  listening,  but  of  listening  attentively. 
Its  antiquity  was  so  remote,  that  the  most  pro- 
found and  acute  antiquarians  had  failed  in 
tracing  back  its  origin.  The  Aboriginal  Inha- 
bitant, however,  asserted  that  it  was  the  work 
of  one  of  his  ancestors  ;  and  as  his  assertion  was 
confirmed  by  all  traditions,  the  allegation  was 
received.  Whatever  might  have  been  its  origin, 
certain  it  was,  that  it  was  now  immortal — for  it 
could  never  die — and  to  whomsoever  it  might 
have  been  originally  indebted  for  its  power,  not 
less  sure  was  it,  that  it  was  now  omnipotent,  for 


116  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

it  could  do  all  things.  Thus  alleged,  and  thus 
believed,  the  Vraibleusians — marvellous  and 
sublime  people  !  who,  with  all  the  impotence  of 
mortality,  have  created  a  Government  which  is 
both  immortal  and  omnipotent ! 

Generally  speaking,  the  Statue  was  held  in 
great  reverence,  and  viewed  with  great  admira- 
tion by  the  whole  Vraibleusian  people.  There 
were  a  very  few  persons,  indeed,  who  asserted  that 
the  creation  of  such  a  Statue  was  by  no  means  so 
mighty  a  business  as  it  had  been  the  fashion  to 
suppose ;  and  that  it  was  more  than  probable, 
that  with  the  advantages  afforded  by  the  scientific 
discoveries  of  modern  times,  they  would  succeed 
in  making  a  more  useful  one.  This,  indeed,  they 
offered  to  accomplish,  provided  the  present 
Statue  were  preliminarily  destroyed  ;  but  as  they 
were  well  assured  that  this  offer  would  never  be 
accepted,  it  was  generally  treated,  by  those  who 
refused  it,  as  a  braggadocio.  There  were  many 
also,  who,  though  they  in  general  greatly  admired 


CAPTAIN  POP ANILLA.  ^^^ 

and  respected  the  present  Statue,  affected  to 
believe  that,  though  the  execution  was  very  won- 
derful,  and  the  interior  machinery  indeed  far 
beyond  the  powers  of  the  present  age,  neverthe- 
less the  design  was  in  many  parts  somewhat  rude, 
and  the  figure  altogether  far  from  heing  well 
proportioned.     Some  thought  the  head  too  big 
-some  too  small— some  that    the  body    was 
disproportionately  Uttle-others,   on    the    con- 
trary, that  it  was    so   much  too  large,   that  it 
had  the  appearance  of  being  dropsical— others 
maintained  that  the  legs  were  too  weak  for  the 
support  of  the  whole,  and  that  they  should  be 
rendered  more  important  and  prominent  mem- 
bers of  the  figure ;  while,  on  the  contrary,  there 
were  yet  others  who  cried  out,  that  really  these 
members  were  already  so  extravagantly  huge,  so 
coarse,  and  so  ungenteel,  that  they  quite  marred 
the  general  effect  of  a  very  beautiful  piece  of 
sculpture. 

The  same  differences  existed  about  the  com- 
parative excellence  of  the  three  metals,  and  the 


118  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

portions  of  the  body  which  they  respectively 
formed.  Some  admired  the  gold,  and  main- 
tained,  that  if  it  were  not  for  the  head,  the 
Statue  would  be  utterly  useless  :  others  pre- 
ferred the  silver,  and  would  assert  that  the 
body,  which  contained  all  the  machinery,  must 
clearly  be  the  most  precious  portion ;  while  a 
third  party  triumphantly  argued,  that  the  iron 
legs  which  supported  both  body  and  head,  must 
surely  be  the  most  valuable  part,  since  without 
them  the  Statue  must  fall.  The  fiFst  party 
advised,  that  in  all  future  reparations,  gold  only 
should  be  introduced ;  and  the  other  parties, 
of  course,  recommended  with  equal  zeal  their 
own  favourite  metals.  It  is  observable,  how- 
ever, that  if,  under  these  circumstances,  the  iron 
race  chanced  to  fail  in  carrying  their  point, 
they  invariably  voted  for  gold  in  preference  to 
silver.  But  the  most  contradictory  opinions, 
perhaps,  were  those  which  were  occasioned  by 
the  instruments  with  which  the  Statue  was 
armed  and  supported.     Some  affected  to  be  so 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  119 

frightened  by  the  mere  sight  of  the  brandished 
sword,  although  it  never  moved,  that  they  pre- 
tended it  was  dangerous  to  live  even  under  the 
same  sky  v^^ith  it ;  while  others,  treating  very 
lightly  the  terrors  of  this  warlike  instrument, 
would  observe,  that  much  more  was  really  to 
be  apprehended  from  the  remarkable  strength 
and  thickness  of  the  calm  and  peace-inspiring 
crosier;  and  that  as  long  as  the  Government 
was  supported  by  this  huge  pastoral  staff,  no- 
thing could  prevail  against  it ;  that  it  could 
dare  all  things,  and  ev^n  stand  without  the 
help  of  its  legs.  All  these  various  opinions  at 
least  proved,  that  although  the  present  might 
not  be  the  most  miraculous  Statue  that  could 
possibly  be  created,  it  was  nevertheless  quite 
impossible  ever  to  form  one  which  would  please 
all  parties. 

The  care  of  this  wonderful  Statue  was  en- 
trusted to  twelve  '  Managers,'  whose  duty  it 
was  to  wind-up  and  regulate  its  complicated 
machinery,  and  who  answered  for  its  good  ma- 


120  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

nagement  by  their  heads.  It  was  their  busi- 
ness to  consult  the  oracle  upon  all  occasions, 
and  by  its  decisions  to  administer  and  regu- 
late all  the  affairs  of  the  State.  They  alone 
were  permitted  to  hear  its  voice ;  for  the  Sta- 
tue never  spoke  in  public  save  on  very  rare 
occasions,  and  its  sentences  were  then  really  so 
extremely  common-place,  that  had  it  not  been 
for  the  deep  wisdom  of  its  general  conduct,  the 
Vraibleusians  would  have  been  almost  tempted 
to  believe  that  they  really  might  exist  without 
the  services  of  the  capital  member.  The 
twelve  Managers  surrounded  the  Statue  at  a 
respectful  distance  ;  their  posts  were  the  most 
distinguished  in  the  State  ;  and  indeed  the 
duties  attached  to  them  were  so  numerous,  so 
difficult,  and  so  responsible,  that  it  required  no 
ordinary  abilities  to  fulfil,  and  demanded  no 
ordinary  courage  to  aspire  to  them. 

The     Fantaisian     Ambassador    having    been 
presented,  took  his  place  on  the  right  hand  of 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  121 

the  Statue,  next  to  the   Aboriginal    Inhabitant, 
and  public  business  then  commenced. 

There  came  forward  a  messenger,  who, 
knocking  his  nose  three  times  with  great  re- 
verence on  the  floor,  a  knock  for  each  metal  of 
the  figure,  thus  spoke  : — 

"  O  thou  wisest  and  best !  thou  richest  and 
mightiest !  thou  glory  and  admiration  !  thou  de- 
fence and  consternation  ! — lo  !  the  King  of  the 
North  is  cutting  all  his  subjects'  heads  off!" 

This  announcement  produced  a  great  sensa- 
tion. The  Marquess  Moustache  took  snuff; 
the  private  secretary  said  that  he  had  long  sus- 
pected that  this  would  be  the  case ;  and  the  Ab- 
original Inhabitant  remarked  to  Popanilla,  that 
the  corn  in  the  North  was  of  an  exceedingly 
coarse  grain.  While  they  were  making  these  ob- 
servations, the  twelve  Managers  had  assembled  in 
deep  consultation  around  the  Statue,  and  in  a 
very  few  minutes  the  Oracle  was  prepared. 
The  answer  was  very  simple,  but  the  exordium 
12 


122  THE  VOYAGE  or 

was  very  sublime.  It  professed  that  the  Vrai- 
bleusian  nation  was  the  saviour  and  champion 
of  the  world — that  it  was  the  first  principle  of 
its  policy  to  maintain  the  cause  of  any  people 
struggling  for  their  rights  as  men  ;  and  it 
avowed  itself  to  be  the  grand  patron  of  civil 
and  religious  liberty  in  all  quarters  of  the  globe. 
Forty-seven  battalions  of  infantry,  and  eighteen 
regiments  of  cavalry,  twenty-four  sail  of  the 
line,  seventy  transports,  and  fifteen  bomb' 
ketches,  were  then  ordered  to  leave  Vraibleusia 
for  the  North  in  less  than  sixty  minutes  ! 

•'  What  energy  !"  said  Popanilla  ;  "  what  de- 
cision !  what  rapidity  of  execution  !" 

"  Ay !"  said  the  Aboriginal,  smacking  his 
thigh,  "  let  them  say  what  they  like  about  their 
proportions,  and  mixtures,  and  metals — abstract 
nonsense  !  No  one  can  deny  that  our  Govern- 
ment works  well.  But  see  !  here  comes  ano- 
tiier  messenger !" 

"  O  thou  wisest  and  best  !  thou  richest 
and    mightiest  !     thou     glory   and     admiration  ! 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  123 

thou  defence  and  consternation  ! — lo  !  the  people 
of  the  South  have  cut  their  king's  head  off!" 

"  Well !  1  suppose  that  is  exactly  what  you  all 
want,"  said  the  innocent  Popanilla. 

The  private  secretary  looked  mysterious,  and 
said  that  he  was  not  prepared  to  answer — that 
his  department  never  halving  been  connected 
with  this  species  of  business,  he  was  unable  at 
the  moment  to  give  his  Excellency  the  requisite 
information.  At  the  same  time,  he  begged  to 
state,  that  provided  any  thing  he  said  should 
not  commit  him,  he  had  no  objection  to  answer 
the  question  hypothetically.  The  Aboriginal 
Inhabitant  said  that  he  would  have  no  hypotheses 
or  Jacobins  ;  that  he  did  not  approve  of  cutting 
offkings'  heads,  and  that  the  Vraibleusians  were 
the  most  monarchical  people  in  the  world.  So 
saying,  he  walked  up,  without  any  ceremony,  to 
the  chief  Manager,  and  taking  him  by  the  but- 
ton, conversed  with  him  some  time  in  a  very 
earnest  manner,  which  made  the  stocks  fall  two 
per  cent. 


124  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

The  Statue  ordered  three  divisions  of  the 
grand  army,  and  a  battering-train  of  the  first 
grade,  off  to  the  South,  without  the  loss  of  a 
second.  A  palace  and  establishment  were  im- 
mediately directed  to  be  prepared  for  the  family 
of  the  murdered  monarch ;  and  the  commander- 
in-chief  was  instructed  to  make  every  exertion  to 
bring  home  the  body  of  his  Majesty  embalmed. 
Such  an  immense  issue  of  pink  shells  was  oc- 
casioned by  this  last  expedition  that  stocks  not 
only  recovered  themselves,  but  rose  considerably. 

The  excitement  occasioned  by  this  last  an- 
nouncement, instantly  evaporated  at  the  sight 
of  a  third  messenger.  He  informed  the  Statue, 
that  the  Emperor  of  the  East  was  unfortunately 
unable  to  pay  the  interest  upon  his  national 
debt;  that  his  treasury  was  quite  empty,  and 
his  resources  utterly  exhausted.  He  requested 
the  assistance  of  the  most  wealthy,  and  the 
most  generous  of  nations ;  and  he  offered  them 
as  security  for  their  advances,  his  gold  and 
silver  mines ;  which,  for   the    breadth   of   their 


CAPTAIN    POPANILLA.  125 

veins,  and  the  richness  of  their  ores,  he  said, 
were  unequalled.  He  added,  that  the  only 
reason  they  were  unworked,  was  the  exquisite 
flavour  of  the  water-melons  in  his  empire;  which 
was  so  delicious,  that  his  subjects  of  all  classes, 
passing  their  whole  day  in  devouring  them, 
could  be  induced  neither  by  force  nor  persua- 
sion to  do  any  thing  else.  The  cause  was  so 
reasonable,  and  the  security  so  satisfactory,  that 
the  Vraibleusian  Government  felt  themselves 
authorized  in  shipping  off  immediately  all  the 
gold  in  the  island.  Pink  shells  abounded  and 
stocks  were  still  higher. 

'^  You  have  no  mines  in  Vraibleusia,!  believe?" 
said  Popanilla  to  the  Aboriginal. 

"  No  !  but  we  have  taxes." 

"  Very  true  !"'  said  Popanilla. 

"  I  understand  that  a  messenger  has  just 
arrived  from  the  West,"  said  the  secretary  to 
the  Fantaisian  Plenipotentiary.  "  He  must 
bring  interesting  intelligence  from  such  inte- 
resting countries.  Next  to  ourselves,  they  are 
12* 


126  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

evidently  the  most  happy,  the  most  wealthy, 
the  most  enhghtened,  and  the  most  powerful 
Governments  in  the  world.  Although  founded 
only  last  week,  they  already  rank  in  the  very 
first  class  of  nations.  T  will  send  you  a  little 
pamphlet  to-morrow,  which  I  have  just  pub- 
lished upon  this  subject,  in  which  you  will  see 
that  I  have  combated,  I  trust  not  unsuccess- 
fully, the  ridiculous  opinions  of  those  cautious 
statesmen  who  insinuate  that  the  stability  of  these 
Governments  is  even  yet  questionable." 

The  messenger  from  the  Republics  of  the 
West  now  prostrated  himself  before  the  Statue. 
He  informed  it,  that  two  parties  had,  unfortunate- 
ly, broken  out  in  these  countries,  and  threatened 
their  speedy  dissolution  :  that  one  party  main- 
tained, that  all  human  government  originated  in 
the  wants  of  man  ;  while  the  other  party  as- 
serted, that  it  originated  in  the  desires  of  man. 
That  these  factions  had  become  so  violent,  and 
so  universal,  that  public  business  was  altogether 
stopped,  trade    quite    extinct,   and    the    instal- 


CAPTAIN    POPANILLA.  127 

ments  due  to  Vraibleusia  not  forthcoming. 
Finally,  he  entreated  the  wisest  and  the  best 
of  nations  to  send  to  these  distracted  lands 
some  discreet  and  trusty  personages,  well  in- 
structed in  the  first  principles  of  government; 
in  order  that  they  might  draw  up  constitutions 
for  the  ignorant  and  irritated  multitude. 

The  private  secretary  told  Popanilla,  that 
this  was  no  more  than  he  had  long  expected ; 
that  all  this  would  subside,  and  that  he  should 
publish  a  postscript  to  his  pamphlet  in  a  few  days, 
which  he  begged  to  dedicate  to  him. 

A  whole  corps  diplomatique,  and  another  ship- 
ful  of  abstract  philosophers,  principally  Scotch- 
men, were  immediately  ordered  off  to  the  West ; 
and  shortly  after,  to  render  their  first  principles 
still  more  effective,  and  their  administrative  ar- 
rangements still  more  influential,  some  brigades 
of  infantry,  and  a  detachment  of  the  guards,  fol- 
lowed. Free  constitutions  are  apt  to  be  misunder- 
stood until  half  the  nation  are  bayoneted,  and  the 
rest  imprisoned. 


128  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

As  this  mighty  Vraibleusian  nation  had, 
within  the  last  half  hour,  received  intelligence 
from  all  quarters  of  the  globe,  and  interfered 
in  all  possible  affairs,  civil  and  military,  ab- 
stract, administrative,  diplomatic,  and  financial, 
Popanilla  supposed  that  the  assembly  would 
now  break  up.  Some  petty  business,  however, 
remained.  War  was  declared  against  the  King 
of  Sneezeland,  for  presuming  to  buy  pocket- 
handkerchiefs  of  another  nation ;  and  the  Em- 
peror of  Pastilles  was  threatened  with  a  bom- 
bardment for  daring  to  sell  his  peppers  to 
another  people.  There  were  also  some  dozen 
commercial  treaties  to  be  signed,  or  canvassed, 
or  cancelled;  and  a  report  having  got  about 
that  there  was  a  rumour  that  some  disturbance 
had  broken  out  in  some  parts  unknown,  a  fly- 
ing expedition  was  despatched,  with  sealed 
orders,  to  circumnavigate  the  globe,  and  ar- 
range affairs.  By  this  time,  Popanilla  thorough- 
ly understood  the  meaning  of  the  mysterious 
inscription. 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  129 

Just  as  the  assembly  was  about  to  be  dissolved, 
another  messenger,  who,  in  his  agitation,  even 
forgot  the  accustomed  etiquette  of  salutation, 
rushed  into  the  presence. 

"  O  most  mighty  !  Sir  Bombastes  Furioso,  who 
commanded  our  last  expedition,  having  sailed,  in 
the  hurry,  with  wrong  orders,  has  attacked  our 
ancient  ally  by  mistake,  and  utterly  destroyed 
him  !'^ 

Here  was  a  pretty  business  for  the  Best  and 
Wisest !  At  first  the  Managers  behaved  in  a 
manner  the  most  undiplomatic,  and  quite  lost 
their  temper ; — they  raved,  they  stormed,  they 
contradicted  each  other,  they  contradicted 
themselves,  and  swore  that  Sir  Bombastes'  head 
should  answer  for  it.  Then  they  subsided  into 
sulkiness,  and  at  length  beginning  to  suspect 
that  the  fault  might  ultimately  attach  only  to 
themselves,  they  got  frightened,  and  held  fre- 
quent consultations,  with  pale  visages,  and 
quivering  lips.  After  some  time  they  thought 
they  could  do  nothing  wiser  than  put  a  good 


1  30  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

face  upon  the  affair — whatever  might  be  the 
result,  it  was,  at  any  rate,  a  victory — and  a 
victory  would  please  the  vainest  of  nations : 
and  so  these  blundering  and  blustering  gen- 
tlemen, determined  to  adopt  the  Conqueror, 
whom  they  were  at  first  weak  enough  to  dis- 
claim— then  vile  enough  to  bully — and  finally 
forced  to  reward.  The  Statue  accordingly  whis- 
pered a  most  elaborate  panegyric  of  Furioso, 
which  was  of  course  duly  delivered.  The  Ad- 
miral, who  was  neither  a  coward  nor  a  fool,  was 
made  ridiculous  by  being  described  as  the 
greatest  commander  that  ever  existed — one 
whom  Nature,  in  a  gracious  freak,  had  made  to 
shame  us  little  men  ;  a  happy  compound  of  the 
piety  of  Noah,  the  patriotism  of  Themistocles, 
the  skill  of  Columbus,  and  the  courage  of  Nel- 
son— and  his  exploit  styled  the  most  glorious 
and  unrivalled  victory  that  was  ever  achieved, 
even  by  the  Vraibleusians  !  Honours  were  de- 
creed in  profusion,  a  general  illumination  ordered 
for  the  next  twenty  nights,  and  an  expedition 


CAPTAIN    POPANILLA.  131 

immediately  despatched  to  attack  the  right 
man. 

All  this  time  the  conquerors  were  in  waiting 
in  an  ante-room,  in  great  trepidation,  and  fully 
prepared  to  be  cashiered  or  cut  in  quarters. 
They  were  rather  surprised,  when  bowing  to  the 
ground,  they  were  saluted  by  some  half  dozen 
lords  in  waiting,  as  the  greatest  heroes  of  the 
age,  congratulated  upon  their  famous  achieve- 
ments, and  humbly  requested  to  appear  in  the 
Presence. 

The  warriors  accordingly  walked  up  in  pro- 
cession to  the  Statue,  who,  opening  its  mighty 
mouth,  vomited  forth  a  flood  of  ribbons,  stars, 
and  crosses,  which  were  divided  among  the 
valiant  band.  This  oral  discharge,  the  Vraibleu- 
sians  called  "  the  fountain  of  honour." 

Scarcely  had  the  mighty  Furioso  and  his 
crew  disappeared,  than  a  body  of  individuals 
arrived  at  the  top  of  the  hall,  and  placing 
themselves  opposite  the  Managers,  began  rating 
them  for  their  inefficient  administration  of  the 


132  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

island,  and  expatiated  on  the  inconsistency  of 
their  late  conduct  to  the  conquering  Bombastes. 
The  Managers  defended  themselves  in  a  man- 
ner perfectly  in  character  with  their  recent 
behaviour :  but  their  opponents  were  not 
easily  satisfied  with  their  confused  explana- 
tions and  their  explained  confusions,  and  the 
speeches  on  both  sides  grew  warmer.  At 
length  the  opposition  proceeded  to  expel  the 
administration  from  their  places  by  force,  and 
an  eager  scuffle  between  the  two  parties  now 
commenced.  The  general  body  of  spectators 
continued  only  to  observe,  and  did  not  partici- 
pate in  the  fray.  At  first  this  melee  only  excited 
amusement ;  but  as  it  lengthened,  some  wisely 
observed  that  public  business  greatly  suffered 
by  these  private  squabbles  ;  and  some  even  ven- 
tured to  imagine  that  the  safety  of  the  Statue 
might  be  imphcated  by  their  continuance.  But 
this  last  fear  was  futile. 

Popanilla  asked  the  private  secretary,  which 
party    he   thought    would    ultimately    succeed. 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  133 

The  private  secretary  said,  that  if  the  present 
Managers  retained  their  places,  he  thought  that 
they  would  not  go  out ;  but  if,  on  the  other 
hand,  they  were  expelled  by  the  present  op- 
position, it  was  probable  that  the  present  op- 
position would  become  Managers.  The  Abo- 
riginal thought  both  parties  equally  incom- 
petent: and  told  Popanilla  some  long  stories 
about  a  person  who  was  chief  manager  in  his 
youth,  about  five  hundred  years  ago,  to  whom 
he  said  he  was  indebted  for  all  his  political 
principles,  which  did  not  surprise  Popanilla. 

At  this  moment  a  noise  was  heard  through- 
out the  hall,  which  made  his  Excellency  believe 
that  something  untoward  had  again  happened, 
and  that  another  conqueror  by  mistake  had 
again  arrived.  A  most  wonderful  being  gal- 
loped up  to  the  top  of  the  apartment.  It  was 
half  man  and  half  horse.  The  secretary  told 
Popanilla  that  this  was  the  famous  Centaur 
Chiron ;  that  his  Horseship,  having  wearied  of 

his  ardent  locality  in  the  constellations,  had  de- 
13 


134  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

scended  some  years  back  to  the  Island  of  Vrai- 
bleusia ;  that  he  had  commanded  the  armies  of 
the  nation  in  all  the  great  wars,  and  had  gained 
every  battle  in  which  he  had  ever  been  engaged. 
Chiron  was  no  less  skilful,  he  said,  in  civil, 
than  in  military  affairs  ;  but  the  Vraibleusians 
being  very  jealous  of  allowing  themselves  to  be 
governed  by  their  warriors,  the  Centaur  had 
lately  been  out  of  employ.  While  the  secre-  , 
tary  was  giving  him  this  information,  Popanilla 
perceived  that  the  great  Chiron  was  attacking 
the  combatants  on  both  sides.  The  tutor  of 
Achilles,  Hercules,  and  iEneas,  of  course,  soon 
succeeded  in  kicking  them  all  out,  and  con- 
stituted himself  chief  and  sole  Manager  of  the 
Statue.  Some  grumbled  at  this  autocratic  con- 
duct "  upon  principle,"  but  they  were  chiefly 
connections  of  the  expelled.  The  great  ma- 
jority, wearied  with  public  squabbles,  occasioned 
by  private  ends,  rejoiced  to  see  the  public 
interest  entrusted  to  an  individual  who  had  a 
reputation  to  lose.     InteUigence  of  the  appoint- 


CAPTAIN    POPANILLA.  135 

ment  of  the  Centaur  was  speedily  diffused 
throughout  the  island,  and  produced  great  and 
general  satisfaction.  There  were  a  few,  indeed, 
impartial  personages,  who  had  no  great  taste 
for  Centaurs  in  civil  capacities;  from  an  appre- 
hension, that  if  he  could  not  succeed  in  per- 
suading them  by  his  eloquence,  his  Grace  might 
chance  to  use  his  heels. 


■  t  I  have  greatly  abridged  this  chapter,  which  runa 
upon  matters  which  cannot  interest  the  English  reader. 
There  follows  in  the  original  "  a  comparison  between 
martial  and  field-marshal  Law,"  which  I  have  omitted, 
as  I  cannot  annex  any  meaning  to  it.  Though,  by  the 
latter  phrase,  we  can  scarcely  suppose  that  any  allu- 
sion is  intended  to  that  "  ingenious  young  gentleman,'' 
whose  disappearance  was  so  feelingly  deplored  at  the 
commencement  of  the  present  session  by  the  lively  Member 
for  Winchelsea. 


iSS  THE  VOYAGE  OF 


CHAPTER  XI. 


On  the  evening  of  his  presentation  day,  his 
Excellency  the  Fantaisian  Ambassador  and 
suite  honoured  the  national  theatre  with  their 
presence.  Such  a  house  was  never  known  !  The 
pit  \vas  miraculously  overflown  before  the  doors 
were  opened,  although  the  proprietor  did  not 
permit  a  single  private  entrance :  the  enthu- 
siasm was  universal,  and  only  twelve  persons 
were  killed.  The  private  secretary  told  Po- 
panilla,  with  an  air  of  great  complacency,  that 
the  Vraibleusian  theatres  were  the  largest  in 
the  world.  Popanilla  had  little  doubt  of  the 
truth  of  this  information,  as  a  long  time 
elapsed  before  he  could  even  discover  the  stage. 


••'4 


CAPTAIN    POPANILLA.  137 

He  observed  that  every  person  in  the  theatre 
carried  a  long  black  glass,  which  he  kept  per- 
petually fixed  to  his  eye.  To  sit  in  a  huge 
room  hotter  than  a  glass-house,  in  a  posture 
emulating  the  most  sanctified  Faquir,  with  a 
throbbing  head-ache,  a  breaking  back,  and  twist- 
ed legs,  with  a  heavy  tube  held  over  one  eye, 
and  the  other  covered  with  the  unemployed 
hand,  is,  in  Vraibleusia,  called  a  public  amuse- 
ment. 

The  play  was  by  the  most  famous  dramatist 
that  Vraibleusia  ever  produced  ;  and  certainly, 
when  his  Excellency  witnessed  the  first  scenes, 
it  was  easier  to  imagine  that  he  was  once  more 
in  his  own  sunset  Isle  of  Fantaisie,  than  in  the 
rail-road  state  of  Vraibleusia  :  but,  unfortunately, 
this  evening  the  principal  characters  and  scenes 
were  omitted,  to  make  room  for  a  moving  pa- 
norama, which  lasted  some  hours,  of  the  chief 
and  most  recent  Vraibleusian  victories.  The 
audience  fought  their    battles    o'er    again    with 

great  fervour.      During  the  play,   one    of    the 
13* 


138  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

inferior  actors  was  supposed  to  have  saluted  a 
female  chorus-singer  with  an  ardour  which  was 
more  than  theatrical,  and  every  lady  in  the 
house  immediately  fainted ;  because,  as  the  eter- 
nal secretary  told  Popanilla,  the  Vraibleusians 
are  the  most  modest  and  most  moral  nation  in 
the  world.  The  male  part  of  the  audience  in- 
sisted, in  very  indignant  terms,  that  the  offending 
performer  should  immediately  be  dismissed.  In 
a  few  minutes  he  appeared  upon  the  stage  to 
make  a 'most  humble  apology,  for  an  offence 
which  he  was  not  conscious  of  having  committed; 
but  the  most  moral,  and  the  most  modest  of  na- 
tions was  implacable,  and  the  wretch  was  ex- 
pelled. Having  a  large  family  dependent  upon 
his  exertions,  the  actor,  according  to  a  custom 
prevalent  in  Vraibleusia,  went  immediately  and 
drowned  himself  in  the  nearest  river.  Then  the 
ballet  commenced. 

It  was  soon  discovered  that  the  chief  dancer, 
a  most  celebrated  foreigner,  who  had  been  an- 
nounced  for   this    evening,   was   absent.      The 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  139 

uproar  was  tremendous,  and  it  was  whispered 
that  the  house  would  be  pulled  down ;  because, 
as  Popanilla  was  informed,  the  Vraibleusians 
are  the  most  particular  and  the  freest  people  in 
the  world,  and  never  will  permit  themselves  to 
be  treated  with  disrespect.  The  principal  chan- 
delier having  been  destroyed,  the  manager  ap- 
peared, and  regretted  that  Signor  Zephyrino, 
being  engaged  to  dine  with  a  grandee  of  the 
first  class,  was  unable  to  fulfil  his  engagement. 
The  house  became  frantic,  and  the  terrified 
manager  sent  immediately  for  the  Signor.  The 
artist,  after  a  proper  time  had  elapsed,  appeared 
with  a  napkin  round  his  neck,  and  a  silver  fork 
in  his  hand,  with  which  he  stood  some  moments, 
until  the  uproar  had  subsided,  picking  his 
teeth.  At  length,  when  silence  was  obtained, 
he  told  them  that  he  was  surprised  that  the 
most  polished  and  liberal  nation  in  the  world 
should  behave  themselves  in  such  a  brutal  and 
narrow-minded  manner.  He  threatened  them, 
that  he  would  throw  up  his  engagement  imme- 


140  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

diately,  and  announce  to  all  foreign  parts  that 
they  were  a  horde  of  barbarians ;  then  abusing 
them  for  a  few  seconds  in  round  terms,  he  retired 
amidst  the  cheerings  of  the  whole  house,  to  fin- 
ish his  wine. 

When  the  performances  were  finished,  the  au- 
dience rose  and  joined  in  chorus.  On  Popanilla 
inquiring  the  name  and  nature  of  this  effusion,  he 
was  told  that  it  was  the  national  air  of  the  Isle  of 
Fantaisie,  sung  in  compUment  to  himself.  His 
Excellency  shrugged  his  shoulders,  and  bowed 
very  low. 

The  next  morning,  attended  by  his  suite,  Po- 
panilla visited  the  most  considerable  public  offi- 
ces and  manufactories  in  Hubbabub.  He  was 
received  in  all  places  with  the  greatest  distinc- 
tion. He  was  invariably  welcomed  cither  by 
the  chiefs  of  the  department,  or  the  proprietors 
themselves,  and  a  sumptuous  collation  was  prepar- 
ed for  him  in  every  place.  His  Excellency  evinced 
the  liveliest  interest  in  every  thing  that  was  point- 
ed out  to  him,  and  instantaneously  perceived  that 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  141 

the  Vraibleusians  exceeded  the  rest  of  the  world 
ia  manufactures  and  public  works,  as  much  as 
they  did  in  arms,  morals,  modesty,  philosophy, 
and  politics.  The  private  secretary  being  ab- 
sent upon  his  postscript,  Popanilla  received  the 
most  satisfactory  information  upon  all  subjects 
from  the  Marquess  himself.  Whenever  he  ad- 
dressed any  question  to  his  Lordship,  his  noble 
attendant,  with  the  greatest  politeness,  begged 
him  to  take  some  refreshment.  Popanilla  re- 
turned to  his  hotel  with  a  great  admiration  of 
the  manner  in  which  refined  philosophy  in 
Vraibleusia  was  applied  to  the  common  pur- 
poses of  life;  and  found  that  he  had  that 
morning  acquired  a  general  knowledge  of  the 
chief  arts  and  sciences,  eaten  three  hundred 
sandwiches,  and  tasted  as  many  bottles  of  sherry. 


142  THE  VOYAGE  OF 


CHAPTER  XII. 

The  most  commercial  nation  in  the  world 
was  now  busily  preparing  to  diffuse  the  bless- 
ings of  civilization  and  competition  throughout 
the  native  country  of  their  newly  acquired 
friend.  The  greatest  exporters  that  ever  ex- 
isted had  never  been  acquainted  with  such  a 
subject  for  exportation  as  the  Isle  of  Fantaisie. 
There  every  thing  was  wanted.  It  was  not  a 
partial  demand  which  was  to  be  satisfied,  nor  a 
particular  deficiency  which  was  to  be  supplied ; 
but  a  vast  population  was  thoroughly  to  be 
furnished  with  every  article  which  a  vast  popu- 
lation must  require.  From  the  manufacturer 
of  steam-engines,  to  the  manufacturer  of  stock- 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  143 

ings,  all  were  all  alike  employed.  There  was 
no  branch  of  trade  in  Vraibleusia  which  did 
not  equally  rejoice  at  this  new  opening  for 
commercial  enterprise,  and  which  was  not 
equally  interested  in  this  new  theatre  for  Vrai- 
bleusian  industry,  Vraibleusian  invention,  Vrai- 
bleusian  activity,  and  above  all,  Vraibleusian 
competition. 

Day  and  night,  the  whole  island  was  employ- 
ed in  preparing  for  the  great  fleet,  and  in  huz- 
zaing Popanilla.  When  at  home,  every  ten 
minutes  he  was  obliged  to  appear  in  the  bal- 
cony, and  then  with  hand  on  heart,  and  hat  in 
hand — ah  !  that  bow  !  that  perpetual  motion 
of  popularity  !  U  a  man  love  ease,  let  him 
be  most  unpopular.  The  Managers  did  the 
impossible  to  assist  and  advance  the  intercourse 
between  the  two  nations.  They  behaved  in  a 
most  liberal  and  enlightened  manner,  and  a 
deputation  of  the  most  liberal  and  enlightened 
merchants  consequently  waited  upon  them  with 
a  vote  of  thanks.     They  issued  so    many    pink 


144  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

shells,  that  the  price  of  the  public  funds  was 
doubled,  and  affairs  arranged  so  skilfully,  that 
money  was  universally  declared  to  be  worth 
nothing — so  that  every  one  in  the  island,  from 
the  Premier  down  to  the  mendicant,  whom  the 
lecture-loving  Skindeep  threatened  with  the 
bastinado,  was  enabled  to  participate,  in  some 
degree,  in  the  approaching  venture — if  we 
should  use  so  dubious  a  term  in  speaking  of 
profits  so  very  certain. 

Compared  with  the  Fantaisian  connection, 
the  whole  commerce  of  the  world  appeared  to 
the  Vraibleusians  a  retail  business.  All  other 
customers  were  neglected  or  discarded,  and  each 
individual  seemed  to  concentrate  his  resources 
to  supply  the  wants  of  a  country  where  they 
dance  by  moonlight,  live  on  fruit,  and  sleep  on 
flowers.  At  length  the  first  fleet  of  five  hun- 
dred sail,  laden  with  the  most  wonderful  speci- 
mens of  Vraibleusian  mechanism,  and  the  most 
innumerable  bales  of  Vraibleusian  manufactures: 
articles   raw  and  refined,  goods   dry  and  damp. 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  145 

wholesale  and  retail;  silks  and  woollen  cloths; 
cottons,  cutlery  and  camlets  ;  flannels  and  ladies' 
albums ;  under-waistcoats,  kid-gloves,  engrav- 
ings, coats,  cloaks,  and  ottomans ;  lamps  and 
looking-glasses ;  sofas,  round-tables,  equipages, 
and  scent-bottles  ;  fans  and  tissue-flowers  ;  porce- 
lain, poetry,  novels,  newspapers,  and  cookery 
books ;  bear's-grease,  blue  pills,  and  bijouterie ; 
arms,  beards,  poodles,  pages,  mustachios,  court- 
guides  and  bon-bons;  music,  pictures,  ladies' 
maids,  scrap-books,  buckles,  boxing-gloves,  gui- 
tars, and  snuff-boxes ;  together  with  a  company 
ofOpera-singers,  aband  of  comedians,  a  popular 
preacher,  some  quacks,  lecturers,  artists,  and 
literary  gentlemen — principally  sketch-book  men 
—fitted  one  day  with  a  favourable  wind,  and 
amid  the  exultation  of  the  inhabitants,  the  port  of 
Hubbabub. 

When  his  Excellency  Prince  Popanilla  heard 
of  the  contents   of  this  stupendous  cargo,  not- 
withstanding his  implicit  confidence  in  the  su- 
perior genius  and  useful  knowledge  of  the  Vrai- 
14 


146  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

bleusians,  he  could  not  refrain  from  expressing 
a  doubt,  whether,  in  the  present  undeveloped 
state  of  his  native  land,  any  returns  could  be 
made  proportionate  to  so  curious  and  elaborate 
an  importation  ;  but  whenever  he  ventured  to 
intimate  his  opinion  to  any  of  the  most  commer- 
cial nation  in  the  world,  he  was  only  listened  to 
with  an  incredulous  smile,  which  seemed  to  pity 
his  inexperience ;  or  told,  with  an  air  of  profound 
self-complacency,  that  in  Fantaisie  "  there  must 
be  great  resources.'' 

In  the  mean  time,  public  companies  were 
formed  for  working  the  mines,  colonizing  the 
waste  lands,  and  cutting  the  coral  rocks  of  the 
Indian  Isle,  of  all  which  associations  Popanilla 
was  chosen  Director  by  acclamation.  These, 
however,  it  must  be  confessed,  were  speculations 
of  a  somewhat  doubtful  nature ;  but  the  Branch 
Bank  Society  of  the  Isle  of  Fantaisie  really  held 
out  the  most  flattering  prospects. 

When  the  fleet  had  sailed,  they  gave  Popa- 
nilla a  public  dinner.     It  was  attended  by  all 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  147 

the  principal  men  in  the  island,  and  he  made  a 
speech,  which  was  received  in  rather  a  different 
manner  than  was  his  sunset  oration,  hy  the  mo- 
narch whom  he  now  represented.  Fantaisie, 
and  its  accomplished  Envoy,  were  at  the  same 
time  the  highest  and  the  universal  fashion.  The 
ladies  sang  a  la  Syrene ;  dressed  their  hair  a  la 
Mermede,  and  themselves  a  la  Fantastique  ; 
which,  by  the  b3'e,  was  not  new  :  and  the  gen- 
tlemen wore  boa-constrictor  cravats,  and  waltzed 
a  la  mer  Inditnne — a  title  probably  suggested  by 
a  remembrance  of  the  dangers  of  the  sea. 

It  was  soon  discovered,  that  without  taking 
into  consideration  the  average  annual  advan- 
tages which  would  necessarily  spring  from  their 
new  connection,  the  profits  which  must  accrue 
upon  the  present  expedition  alone,  had  already 
doubled  the  capital  of  the  island.  Every  body 
in  Vraibleusia  had  either  made  a  fortune,  or 
laid  the  foundation  of  one.  The  penniless  had 
become  prosperous,  and  the  principal  mer- 
chants and  manufacturers  having  realized  large 


148  THE  VOYAGE  OP 

capitals,  retired  from  business.  But  the  colossal 
fortunes  were  made  by  the  gentlemen  who  had 
assisted  the  administration  in  raising  the  price  of 
the  public  funds,  and  in  managing  the  issues  of 
the  pink  shells.  The  effect  of  this  immense  in- 
crease of  the  national  wealth,  and  of  this  crea- 
tion of  new  and  powerful  classes  of  society,  was 
speedily  felt.  Great  moves  to  the  westward  were 
perpetual,  and  a  variety  of  sumptuous  squares 
and  streets  were  immediately  run  up  in  that 
chosen  land.  Butlers  were  at  a  premium; 
coach-makers  never  slept ;  card-engravers,  hav- 
ing exhausted  copper,  had  recourse  to  steel ; 
and  the  demand  for  arms  at  the  Herald's  Col- 
lege was  so  great,  that  even  the  mystical  ge- 
nius of  Garter  was  exhausted,  and  hostile 
meetings  were  commenced  between  the  junior 
members  of  some  ancient  families,  to  whom  the 
same  crest  had  been  unwittingly  apportioned; 
but  the  seconds  interfering,  they  discovered 
themselves  to  be  relations.  All  the  eldest  sons 
were  immediately  to  get  into    parliament,  and 


CAPTAIN    POPANILLA.  149 

all  the  younger  ones  as  quickly  into  the  Guards ; 
and  the  simple  Fantaisian  Envoy,  who  had  the 
peculiar  felicity  of  taking  every  thing  au  pied  du 
lettre,  made  a  calculation  that  if  these  arrange- 
ments were  duly  effected,  in  a  short  time,  the 
Vraibleusian  representatives  would  exceed  the 
Vraibleusian  represented ;  and  that  there  would 
be  at  least  three  officers  in  the  Vraibleusian 
Guards  to  every  private.  Judging  from  the 
beards  and  mustachios  which  now  abounded, 
this  great  result  was  near  at  hand.  With  the 
snub  nose,  which  is  the  characteristic  of  the 
Millionaires,  these  appendages  produce  a  pleasing 
effect. 

When  the  excitement  had  a  little  subsided  ; 
when  their  mighty  mansions  were  magnificently 
furnished ;  when  their  bright  equipages  were 
fairly  launched,  and  the  due  complement  of 
their  liveried  retainers  perfected ;  when,  in 
short,  they  had  imitated  the  aristocracy  in 
every  point  in  which  wealth  could  rival  blood : 

then   the  new  people  discovered  with  dismay 
14* 


150  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

that  one  thing  was  yet  wanting,  which  treasure 
could  not  purchase,  and  which  the  wit  of  others 
could  not  supply — Manners.  In  homely  phrase, 
the  Millionaires  did  not  know  how  to  behave 
themselves.  Accustomed  to  the  counting-house, 
the  factory,  or  the  exchange,  they  looked 
queer  in  saloons ;  said  "  Sir !"  when  they  ad- 
dressed you ;  and  seemed  stiff,  and  hard,  and 
hot.  Then  the  solecisms  they  committed  in 
more  formal  society,  oh !  they  were  outra- 
geous ;  and  a  leading  article  in  an  eminent 
journal,  was  actually  written  upon  the  subject. 
I  dare  not  write  the  deeds  they  did  ;  but  it  was 
whispered,  that  when  they  drank  wine,  they 
filled  their  glasses  to  the  very  brim.  All  this 
delighted  the  old  class,  who  were  as  envious  of 
their  riches,  as  the  new  people  were  emulous  of 
their  style. 

In  any  other  country  except  Vraibleusia, 
persons  so  situated  would  have  consoled  them- 
selves for  their  disagreeable  position,  by  a  con- 
sciousness  that  their    posterity  would   not    be 


CAPTAIN    POPANILLA.  151 

annoyed  by  the  same  deficiencies :  but  the 
wonderful  Vraibleusian  people  resembled  no 
other,  even  in  their  failings.  They  determined 
to  acquire  in  a  day,  that  which  had  hitherto 
been  deemed  the  gradual  consequence  of  tedi- 
ous  education. 

A  "  Society  for  the  Diffusion  of  Fashionable 
Knowledge,"  was  announced ;  the  Millionaires 
looked  triumphantly  mysterious ;  the  aristo- 
crats quizzed.  The  object  of  the  society  is  in- 
timated by  its  title ;  and  the  method  by  which 
its  institutors  proposed  to  attain  this  object, 
was  the  periodical  publication  of  pamphlets, 
under  the  superintendence  of  a  competent  com- 
mittee. The  first  treatise  appeared : — its  sub- 
ject was  NONCHALANCE.  It  instructcd  its 
students  ever  to  appear  inattentive  in  the  so- 
ciety of  men,  and  heartless  when  they  conversed 
with  women.  It  taught  them  not  to  under- 
stand a  man  if  he  were  witty  \  to  misunder- 
stand him  if  he  were  eloquent;  to  yawn  or 
stare,  if  he  chanced  to  elevate  his  voice,  or  pre- 


152  THE  VOYAGE  OP 

sumed  to  ruffle  the  placidity  of  the  social  calm, 
by  addressing  his  fellow-creatures  with  teeth 
unparted.  Excellence  was  never  to  be  re- 
cognized, but  only  disparaged  with  a  look : — 
an  opinion  or  a  sentiment,  and  the  nonchalant 
was  lost  for  ever.  For  these,  he  was  to  sub- 
stitute a  smile  like  a  damp  sunbeam,  a  mode- 
rate curl  of  the  upper  lip,  and  the  all-speaking 
and  perpetual  shrug  of  the  shoulders.  By  a 
skilful  management  of  these  qualities,  it  was 
shown  to  be  easy  to  ruin  another's  reputation, 
and  ensure  your  own,  without  ever  opening 
your  mouth.  To  woman,  this  exquisite  trea- 
tise said  much  in  few  words : — "  Listlessness, 
listlessness,  listlessness,"  was  the  edict  by  which 
the  most  beautiful  works  of  nature  were  to  be 
regulated,  who  are  only  truly  charming  when 
they  make  us  feel,  and  feel  themselves.  "  List- 
lessness, listlessness,  listlessness  ;"  for  when  you 
choose  not  to  be  listless,  the  contrast  is  so 
striking,  that  the  triumph  must  be  complete. 
The  treatise  said  much  more,  which  I  shall 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  153 

omit.  It  forgot,  however,  to  remark,  that  this 
vaunted  Nonchalance  may  be  the  offspring  of 
the  most  contemptible  and  the  most  odious  of 
passions  :  and  that  while  it  may  be  exceedingly 
refined  to  appear  uninterested  when  others  are 
interested,  to  witness  excellence  without  emo- 
tion, and  to  listen  to  genius  without  animation, 
the  heart  of  the  Insensible  may  as  often  be  in- 
flamed by  Envy,  as  inspired  by  Fashion. 

Dissertations  "  On  leaving  cards,"  "  On  cut- 
ting intimate  friends,"  "  On  cravats,"  "  On  din- 
ner-courses," "  On  poor  relations,"  "  On 
bores,"  "  On  lions,"  were  announced  as  speedily 
to  appear.  In  the  meantime,  the  Essay  on 
Nonchalance  produced  the  very  best  effects.  A 
ci-devant  stock-broker  cut  a  Duke  dead  at  his 
club,  the  day  after  its  publication  ;  and  his 
daughter  yawned,  while  his  Grace's  eldest  son, 
the  Marquess,  made  her  an  offer  as  she  was 
singing  "  Di  tanti  palpiti."  The  aristocrats  got 
a  little  frightened,  and  when  an  eminent  hop- 
merchant    and    his   lady    had  asked  a    dozen 


154  THE  VOYAGE  OP 

Countesses  to  dinner,  and  forgot  to  be    at  home 
to  receive  them,  the  old  class  left  off  quizzing. 

The  pamphlets,  however,  continued  issuing 
forth,  and  the  new  people  advanced  at  a  rate 
which  was  quite  awful.  They  actually  began 
to  originate  some  ideas  of  their  own  ;  and  there 
was  a  whisper  among  the  leaders,  of  voting  the 
aristocrats  old-fashioned.  The  Diffusion  Society 
now  caused  these  exalted  personages  the  great- 
est anxiety  and  uneasiness.  They  argued,  that 
Fashion  was  a  relative  quality  ;  that  it  was  quite 
impossible,  and  not  to  be  expected,  that  all 
people  were  to  aspire  to  be  fashionable  ;  that 
it  was  not  in  the  nature  of  things,  and  that  if 
it  were,  society  could  not  exist ;  that  the  more 
their  imitators  advanced,  the  more  they  should 
baffle  their  imitations ;  that  a  first  and  fash- 
ionable class  was  a  necessary  consequence  of 
the  organization  of  man  ;  and  that  a  line  of 
demarcation  would  for  ever  be  drawn  between 
them  and  the  other  Islanders.  The  warmth 
and  eagerness  with  which  they  maintained  and 


CAPTAIN    POPANILLA.  165 

promulgated  their  opinions,  might  have  tempt- 
ed, however,  an  impartial  person  to  suspect 
that  they  secretly  entertained  some  doubts  of 
their  truth  and  soundness. 

On  the  other  hand,  the  other  party  main- 
tained that  Fashion  was  a  positive  quality ;  that 
the  moment  a  person  obtained  a  certain  degree 
of  refinement,  he,  or  she,  became,  in  fact,  and 
essentially,  fashionable ;  that  the  views  of  the 
old  class  were  most  unphilosophical  and  illibe- 
ral, and  unworthy  of  an  enlightened  age ;  that 
men  are  equal,  and  that  every  thing  is  open  to 
every  body ;  and  that  when  we  take  into  con- 
sideration the  nature  of  man,  the  origin  of  so- 
ciety, and  a  few  other  things,  and  duly  consi- 
der the  constant  inclination  and  progression 
towards  perfection  which  mankind  evince — 
there  was  no  reason  why,  in  the  course  of  time, 
the  whole  nation  should  not  go  to  Almack's  on 
the  same  night. 

At  this  moment  of  doubt  and  dispute,  the 
Government  of  Vraibleusia,  with  that  spirit  of 


156  THE  VOYAGE  OP 

conciliation  and  liberality,  and  that  perfect 
wisdom,  for  which  it  had  been  long  celebrated, 
caring  very  little  for  the  old  class,  whose  inte- 
rest it  well  knew  was  to  support  it,  and  being 
exceedingly  desirous  of  engaging  the  affections 
of  the  new  race,  declared  in  their  favour ,  and 
acting  on  that  sublime  scale  of  measures,  for 
which  this  great  nation  has  always  been  so 
famous,  the  Statue  issued  an  edict,  that  a 
new  literature  should  be  invented,  in  order  at 
once  to  complete  the  education  of  the  Million- 
aires, and  the  triumph  of  the  Romantic  over  the 
Classic  School  of  Manners. 

The  most  eminent  writers  were,  as  usual,  in 
the  pay  of  the  Government,  and  Burlington, 
A  TALE  OF  Fashonable  Life,  in  three  vo- 
lumes, post  octavo,  was  sent  forth.  Two  or 
three  similar  works,  bearing  titles  equally  eu- 
phonious and  aristocratic,  were  published  daily; 
and  so  exquisite  was  the  stile  of  these  pro- 
ductions, so  naturally  artificial  the  construction 
of  their  plots,  and  so  admirably  inventive  the 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  157 

conception  of  their  characters,  that  many  who 
had  been  repulsed  by  the  somewhat  abstract 
matter  and  arid  style  of  the  treatises,  seduced 
by  the  interest  of  a  story,  and  by  the  dazzling 
delicacies  of  a  charming  style,  really  now  picked 
up  a  considerable  quantity  of  very  useful  know- 
ledge ;  so  that  when  the  delighted  students 
had  eaten  some  fifty  or  sixty  imaginary  dinners 
in  my  lord's  dining-room,  and  whirled  some 
fifty  or  sixty  imaginary  waltzes  in  my  lady's 
dancing-room,  there  was  scarcely  a  brute  left 
among  the  whole  Millionaires.  But  what 
produced  the  most  beneficial  effects  on  the 
new  people,  and  excited  the  greatest  indigna- 
tion and  despair  among  the  old  class,  were  some 
volumes  which  the  Government,  with  the  most 
shocking  machiavelism,  bribed  some  needy 
scions  of  nobility  to  scribble,  and  which  revealed 
certain  secrets  vainly  believed  to  be  quite  sacred 

and  inviolable. 
15 


158  THE  VOYAGE  OF 


CHAPTER   XIIT. 


About  this  time,  a  rather  curious  incident 
occurred  to  Popanilla,  which  should  not  perhaps 
be  unnoticed. 

One  day,  walking  incognito,  a  habit  quite 
refreshing  to  feted  characters,  his  Excellency 
found  himself  in  a  street  of  unusual  magnitude, 
and  which  was  entirely  formed  of  the  largest 
and  most  magnificent  palaces  that  he  had  ever 
seen.  ISot  a  human  being  was  visible,  perfect 
silence  prevailed  ;  and  had  a  professor  of  the 
ambitious  school  of  writing  been  on  the  spot  in- 
stead of  the  Fantaisian  Ambassador,  he  would 
infallibly  have  been  inspired,  and  written  a 
highly  imaginative   paper,  called  "  The  City  of 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  159 

the  Dead !"  His  Excellency  was  rather  sur- 
prised that  he  had  never  before  had  the  plea- 
sure of  walking  in  a  street  which  was  appa- 
rently the  most  splendid  in  the  whole  city  ;  but 
his  surprise  was  lessened,  when  he  was  inform- 
ed by  an  ancient  man,  whom  he  had  now  dis- 
covered, that  the  greater  part  of  the  structures 
had  risen  during  the  preceding  night.  The 
old  man,  not  having  any  teeth,  Popanilla  found 
it  impossible  to  extract  any  thing  further  from 
him. 

As  he  proceeded,  his  attention  was  attracted 
by  an  elevation,  remarkable  as  a  very  beautiful 
specimen  of  his  own  favourite  style  of  architec- 
ture— the  Ionic  Gothic  ;,  and  he  paused  to  in- 
dulge his  eye  with  the  soothing  harmony  of  its 
proportions,  and  the  apposite  beauty  of  its  orna- 
ments. The  portal  was  wide  open — invitingly 
so — and  the  curious  Popanilla,  an  epithet  which 
diplomatic  characters  should  really  never  merit, 
ventured  to  enter. 

He   found  himself    in  a    long   passage,   lined 


160  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

with  servants  in  very  splendid  liveries,  who 
crossed  themselves  as  he  passed  with  downcast 
eyes,  but  said  nothing.  They  were  so  very 
respectful,  that  he  still  ventured  to  walk  on.  He 
came  to  a  cut-glass  door,  which  must  have  been 
full  twenty  feet  high.  The  sunshine  made  it 
more  brilliant  than  a  peacock's  tail.  No  sooner 
had  he  arrived  at  it,  than  it  flew  open,  and  two 
African  mutes,  clad  in  lion-skins,  prostrated  them- 
selves before  him ;  and,  though  in  the  freest 
country  in  the  world,  licked  his  feet  His  Ex- 
cellency was  very  confused,  but  as  the  fellows 
could  not  answer  his  questions,  he  could  do  no- 
thing but  proceed. 

He  found  himself  in  a  most  sumptuous  saloon, 
hung  with  white  satin,  figured  with  gold,  full  of 
suitable  furniture,  and  containing  the  largest  and 
richest  lustres  that  he  ever  remembered  beholding. 

He  now  arrived  at  a  door,  corresponding  to 
the  previous  one  of  cut-glass.  It  flew  open,  and 
two  Greek  boys,  in  the  rich  and  picturesque 
costume  of  the  islands,  bent  before  him.     They 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  161 

were  not  mutes,  but  only  spoke  Greek,  which 
Popanilla  having  forgotten,  he  could  still  do 
nothing  else  but  walk  on.  The  present  saloon 
was  even  of  a  more  gorgeous  character  than  the 
preceding  one.  It  was  hung  with  maroon  velvet, 
powdered  with  pearls  ;  and  from  the  centre  of 
the  ceiling  was  suspended  a  lantern  of  mother-of- 
pearl  and  rubies,  of  prodigious  size  and  inestima- 
ble value. 

The  adventurer,  extremely  confused,  now  ad- 
vanced to  a  door  of  ebony,  with  an  ivory  lock 
and  ivory  hinges ;  it  of  course  flew  open,  and  Po- 
panilla rather  recovered  his  courage,  when  he 
was  welcomed  by  two  men-cooks  with  white 
silk  aprons  and  cachemere  shawls  twisted  round 
their  heads.  The  present  was  a  banqueting 
chamber.  A  most  costly  entertainment  was 
served  up  for  at  least  five  hundred  persons,  and 
behind  each  chair,  all  in  the  same  rich  livery, 
stood  a  serving-man,  highly  powdered,  and  at 
least  six  feet  three.     It  was  a  most  magnificent 

banquet,  and  the  second  course  was  serving  up 
15* 


162  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

a3  Popanilla  entered.  Every  thing  was  there 
which  can  make  a  banquet  delightful  except 
guests :  not  a  man,  woman,  or  child,  was  seated 
at  the  tables.  Although  this  was  actually  aston- 
ishing, an  opportunity  was  at  length  afforded  of 
receiving  an  explanation  of  all  these  mysteries, 
and  so  Popanilla  immediately  addressed  himself 
to  the  nearest  attendant.  The  man  did  not  even 
open  his  mouth,  but  pointed  with  great  respect  to 
a  large  statue  of  Harpocrates,  placed  in  the  centre 
of  the  sideboard.  Popanilla  now  perceived,  with 
infinite  horror,  that  he  was  in  an  enchanted  palace. 
The  Plenipotentiary  gazed  about  him  with  a 
look  of  the  most  ludicrous  perplexity.  Sud- 
denly observing  a  small  door  at  no  great  dis- 
tance, which  did  not  appear  important  enough 
to  be  opened  either  by  Africans  or  Greeks, 
treading  Hghtly  on  tip-toe,  Popanilla  effected  his 
escape,  and  found  himself  in  a  dark  passage.  A 
twinkling  light,  which  never  deserts  a  puzzled 
hero  of  romance,  even  in  the  darkest  passages, 
encouraged   him    to   push   forward,  and  a  door 


CAPTAIN    POPANILLA.  163 

opening,  he  emerged  into  the  largest  library  that 
it  was  ever  his  misfortune  to  enter.  The  paint- 
ed windows  threw  such  a  solemn  light  into  the 
apartment,  that  Popanilla  did  not  at  first  observe 
the  only  individual  it  contained  ;  one  who  was 
apparently  the  librarian,  and  at  present  earnestly 
engaged  in  making  a  catalogue  of  the  tomes  en- 
trusted to  his  superintendence.  The  busied  cus- 
tos  never  raised  his  head  from  off  the  sheet  on 
which  he  was  employed  ;  and  although  Popanilla, 
having  tried  a  whisper,  and  failed  even  in  an  ex- 
clamation, at  length  ventured  almost  to  shout,  he 
received  no  answer,  and  as  little  notice.  After 
some  time,  the  Prince,  who  was  growing  despe- 
rate, walked  up  to  his  silent  companion  and  dared 
to  touch  his  shoulder ;  upon  which  the  librarian, 
taking  out  of  his  pocket  a  trumpet  of  considerable 
length,  applied  it  to  his  ear. 

"  Good  friend,"  halloed  Popanilla,  "  where  am 
I  ?   who  are  you  ?   and  how  can  I  get  out  ?" 

The  gentleman  shook  his  head,  because,  not 


164  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

being  accustomed  to  the  Fantaisian  accent,  he 
could  attach  no  meaning  to  the  strange  sounds 
which  had  reached  his  obdurate  organ.  Popa- 
nilla  could  do  nothing  else  but  repeat,  in  a  still 
louder  and  more  unintelligible  tone,  his  useless 
queries.  A  ray  of  meaning  ht  up  the  counte- 
nance of  the  deaf  man.  He  nodded  with  an  air 
of  great  complacency,  and  evidently  understood 
the  querist.  Taking  a  key  from  his  pocket,  he 
unlocked  a  door  at  the  extreme  end  of  the  libra- 
ry, and  Popanilla,  delighted  to  escape,  returned 
his  rescuer  his  most  grateful  thanks,  and  slamming 

the  door  behind  him,  skipped  into a  picture 

gallery ! 

What  a  Charybdis  !  The  Prince  had  no  love 
for  art.  His  career  had  been*  too  rapid  to  allow 
him  sufficient  leisure  to  form  a  taste.  Doubt- 
less, in  good  time  he  would  become  as  complete 
a  connoisseur  as  the  rest — detect  a  Wouvermans 
by  the  white  horse — recognize  a  sunset  Claude — 
almost  know  an  Albano — and  discriminate   be- 


CAPTAIN    POPANILLA.  165 

tween  the  second  first  manner,  and  the  first  third 
manner  of  Raffaello  ! 

At  present,  however,  his  Excellency  was  as 
little  interested  by  the  collection,  as  the  British 
nation  by  their  National  Gallery.  A  retreat, 
although  he  desired  one  as  ardently  as  the 
English  do  the  island  of  Cuba,  was  rendered  im- 
possible ahke  by  the  soundness  of  the  lock  and 
the  deafness  of  the  librarian.  An  exit  by  the 
windows  might  be  practicable.  He  examined 
them ;  before  him  were  chimneys,  beneath  him 
were  skylights.  To  escape  from  this  gallery  ap- 
peared as  impossible  as  to  fly  from  Paraquay. 
Popanilla  entertained  for  a  moment  some 
thoughts  of  trying  the  chimney,  but  he  was  a 
rather  broad-shouldered  hero  ;  and  then  an  am- 
bassador covered  with  soot!  what  would  the 
young  gentlemen  of  the  Foreign  Office  say,  if 
they  heard  of  it  ?  It  must  not  be  thought  of. 
In  his  despair  he  leant  against  a  very  fine  copy 
of  Corregio,  which  would  have  exactly  suited  us 
in  this  country.      The   hanging  yielded   to   his 


166  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

pressure,  and  his  Excellency  stumbled  into  a 
billiard-room.  He  began  to  breathe  again  ;  and 
giving  the  fascinating  balls  a  touch  as  he  passed 
the  table,  in  two  minutes  he  was  in  a  private 
chapel.  Now  he  got  on  rapidly — dashed  through 
half  a  dozen  unfurnished  apartments — ran  over 
a  venerable  dame,  who  was  probably  the  house- 
keeper— rattled  along  a  gallery  and  a  dark  passage 
— came  to  the  foot  of  a  magnificent  staircase — 
cantered  up — gained  a  landing-place — doors  on 
both  sides — cantered  down — reached  a  passage 
— pushed  open  a  door — and  puffing,  panting, 
and  perspiring,  threw  himself  upon  a  white  satin 
sofa,  in  the  white  satin  saloon. 

"  Good  heavens  !  what  can  be  the  matter  with 
your  Excellency?"  exclaimed  a  voice,  which 
proceeded  from  a  gentleman  who  was  writing  at 
a  distant  table. 

Popanilla  looked  up,  and  perceived  the  very 
intelligent  individual  who  had  written  his  travels 
for  him. 

"  Ah !  my  dear  friend,  are  you  caught  too  ? 


CAPTAIN    POPANILLA.  167 

Where  am  I  ? — What  are  jou  ? — How  can  I  get 
out  ?" 

The  intelligent  individual  who,  if  Popanilla 
had  not  been  an  ambassador,  would  have  thought 
him  mad,  very  courteously  approached  him,  and 
tendered  his  services  in  any  imaginable  way. 
But  his  Excellency  seemed  quite  confounded,  and 
could  do  nothing  but  advise  the  intelligent  indi- 
vidual to  make  as  speedy  a  retreat  out  of  this 
enchanted  place  as  possible, 

"  I  cannot  understand,"  said  the  intelligent 
individual. 

"  Get  out  as  soon  as  you  can  !"  said  Popanilla, 
not  even  listening  to  him. 

"  What  can—" 

"  Particularly  beware  of  an  old  fellow  who  is 
as  deaf  as  a  post." 

"  Really,  your  Excellency !" 

"  But  if  you  do  get  in — push  the  Corregio  !" 

"  Is  it  possible  that—" 

"Push!  push!  push!"— 

"  I  confess  I  am  puzzled." 


168  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

"  Then  keep  to  your  right." 

At  length,  Popanilla  being  a  little  exhausted, 
the  intelHgent  individual  succeeded  in  introducing 
a  sentence. 

"I  had  no  idea  your  Excellency  was  a  mem- 
ber !•' 

"  A  member !  what  member  ?  1  am  no  mem- 
ber !" 

"  Is  it  possible,  then,  that  they  could  have 
presumed  to  blackball  such  an  eminent  cha- 
racter? Really,  this  blackballing  system  gets 
'  too  bad.'  " 

"  Blackballs,  my  good  friend  !"  exclaimed  Po- 
panilla, looking  as  puzzled  as  when  he  saw  the 
second  course  without  any  coursers  ;  "  Ah  !  you 
mean  those  confounded  Africans  !" 

"  Africans,  your  Excellency  !  this  is  the  Asiatic 
Club  !" 

"  Club,  sir !"  said  Popanilla,  "  and  pray  what 
is  a  Club  ?" 

"  1  see  that  there  is  a  little  misconception 
here,"  said  the  intelhgent  individual,  on  whom 


CAPTAIN     POPANILLA.  i  69 

light  now  began  to  dawn.     "  Your  Excellency 
has  probably  honoured    us    by    mistake.     You 
must  now,  however,  allow  me  to  consider  you  as 
my  visitor,  and  let  me  recommend  you  a  bath 
and  a  bottle  of  soda  ! '' 

When  the  first  had  been  taken,  and  while  the 
second  was  preparing,  the  author  of  his  travels 
proceeded  to  give  his  traveller  some  little  in- 
formation respecting  the  nature  of  those  insti- 
tutions, of  which  one  had  this  morning  occa 
sioned  him  so  much  embarrasment.  He 
informed  him,  that  a  Club  consisted  of  a  certain 
number  of  men,  who  subscribed  certain  sums 
for  the  purpose  of  securing  select  society ;  that 
the  Vraibleusian  nation  was  more  addicted  to 
select  society  than  any  people  in  the  world ;  and 
that  there  was  no  possible  sum  which  a  Vrai- 
bleusian gentleman  would  not  pay  to  enter 
select  society,  particularly  if  he  himself  were  a 
person  extremely  ineligible.  He  said,  that  the 
present  club,  which  was  by  no  means  the  largest 

in   Vraibleusia,  numbered   about    ten  thousand 
16 


170  THE    VOYAGE    OF 

members;  that  the  street,  which  he  had  so 
much  admired,  entirely  consisted  of  these  esta- 
blishments, which  had  greatly  increased  since  the 
late  realization  of  the  great  fortunes.  There 
was,  he  said,  the  European  Club,  the  Asi- 
atic Club,  the  African  Club,  and  the  American 
Club,  besides  -numerous  other  clubs,  which 
respectively  derived  their  titles  from  some 
country  or  region  in  these  four  quarters  of  the 
globe.  There  were  also,  he  said,  some  mis- 
cellaneous establishments,  such  as  the  Yawners, 
the  Loungers,  the  Steeple  hunters,  the  Rat- 
catchers, which  was  a  political  club,  and  the 
Quizzers.  He  said,  that  a  man's  moral  cha- 
racter in  Vraiblcusia,  was  estimated  by  the 
number  of  clubs  of  which  he  was  a  member, 
and  that  Popanilla  was  not  to  suppose  that 
each  of  the  establishments  he  bad  mentioned 
was  founded  and  supported  by  a  separate  body 
of  individuals  :  on  the  contrary,  the  same  ten 
thousand,  generally  speaking,  sufficed  for  the 
whole   fifty  establishments.     He  also  observed, 


CAPTAIN   POPANILLA.  171 

that  it  was  the  fashion  for  no  man  in  Vraibleu- 
sia  ever  to  appear  at  a  club,  lest  it  should  be 
supposed,  by  his  being  seen  at  any  particular 
establishment,  that  he  was  not  a  member  of 
another  one  at  which  he  was  not  seen.  The 
moment,  therefore,  that  any  individual  was 
elected,  he  never  came  near  the  house  for 
which  he  paid  to  enter;  but  as  this  was  eti- 
quette, and  not  law,  the  establishment  was 
maintained  on  a  scale  suitable  to  a  most  re- 
fined and  numerous  society :  and  sumptuous 
banquets  of  three  courses  were  served  every 
day  at  different  hours,  for  a  considerable  num- 
ber of  guests.  These  entertainments,  he  said, 
were  called  house-dinners,  because  nobody 
ever  dined  at  them.  Finally,  he  observed 
that  being  himself  a  man  addicted  to  abstract 
studies,  and  therefore  fond  of  Solitude,  he  ge- 
nerally lived  at  his  Club. 


172  THE  VOYAGE   OF 


CHAPTER  XIV. 

Shortly  after  the  sailing  of  the  great  fleet, 
the  Private  Secretary  engaged  in  a  speculation, 
which  was  rather  more  successful  than  any 
one  contained  in  his  pamphlet  on  "  The  Pre- 
sent State  of  the  Western  Republics." 

One  morning,  as  he  and  Popanilla  were 
walking  on  a  quay,  and  deliberating  on  the 
clauses  of  the  projected  commercial  treaty  be- 
tween Vraibleusia  and  Fantaisie,  the  Secretary 
suddenly  stopped,  as  if  he  had  seen  his  father's 
ghost,  or  lost  the  thread  of  his  argument,  and 
asked  Popanilla,  with  an  air  of  suppressed  agi- 
tation, whether  he  observed  any  thing  in  the 
distance.     Popanilla,  who,  like  all  savages,  was 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  173 

very  long-sighted,  applying  to  his  eye  the  glass, 
which,  in  conformity  to  the  custom  of  the 
country,  he  always  wore  round  his  neck,  con- 
fessed that  he  saw  nothing.  The  Secretary, 
who  had  never  unfixed  his  glance,  nor  moved 
a  step,  since  he  asked  the  question,  at  length, 
by  pointing  with  his  finger,  attracted  Popa- 
nilla's  attention  to  what  his  Excellency  con- 
ceived to  be  a  porpoise  bobbing  up  and  down 
in  the  waves.  The  Secretary,  however,  was 
not  of  the  same  opinion  as  the  Ambassador, 
He  was  not  very  communicative,  indeed,  as  to 
his  own  opinion  upon  this  grave  subject,  but 
he  talked  of  making  farther  observations  when 
the  tide  went  down  ;  and  was  so  listless,  ab- 
stracted, and  absent,  during  the  rest  of  their 
conversation,  that  it  soon  ceased,  and  they 
speedily  parted. 

The  next  day,  when  Popanilla  read  the 
morning  papers,  a  feat  which  he  regularly  per- 
formed— for  spelling  the  newspaper  was   quite 

delicious  to  one  who  had  so  recently  learned  to 
16* 


174  THE  VOYAGE  OP 

read — he  found  that  they  spoke  of  nothing  but 
of  the  discovery  of  a  new  island,  information 
of  which  had  been  received  by  the  Government 
only  the  preceding  night.  The  Fantaisian  Am- 
bassador turned  quite  pale,  and  for  the  first 
time  in  his  life  experienced  the  passion  of  jea- 
lousy— the  green-eyed  monster,  so  called  from 
only  being  experienced  by  green-horns.  Al- 
ready the  prominent  State  he  represented 
seemed  to  retire  to  the  back-ground.  He  did 
not  doubt  that  the  Vraibleusians  were  the  most 
capricious,  as  well  as  the  most  commercial  na- 
tion in  the  world.  His  reiga  was  evidently 
over.  The  new  island  would  send  forth  a 
Prince  still  more  popular.  His  allowance  of 
pink  shells  would  be  gradually  reduced,  and 
finally  withdrawn.  His  doubts,  also,  as  to  the 
success  of  the  recent  expedition  to  Fantaisie, 
began  to  revive.  His  rising  reminiscences  of 
his  native  land,  which,  with  the  joint  assistance 
of  popularity  and  philosophy,  he  had  hitherto 
succeeded   in   stiflina;,   were    indeed    awkward. 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  175 

He  could  not  conceive  his  mistress  with  a  page 
and  a  poodle.  He  feared  much  that  the  cargo 
was  not  very  well  assorted.  Popanilla  deter- 
mined to  inquire  after  his  canoe. 

His  courage,,  however,  was  greatly  re-as- 
sured, when,  on  reading  the  second  edition,  he 
learned,  that  the  new  island  was  not  of  a  very 
considerable  size,  though  most  eligibly  situated  ; 
and  moreover,  that  it  was  perfectly  void  of  in- 
habitants. When  the  third  edition  was  pub- 
lished, he  found,  to  his  surprise,  that  the  Pri- 
vate Secretary  was  the  great  discoverer  of  this 
opposition  island.  This  puzzled  the  Plenipo- 
tentiary greatly.  He  read  on  ; — he  found  that 
this  new  acquisition,  upon  which  all  Vraibleusia 
was  congratulated  in  such  glowing  terms  by 
all  its  journals,  actually  produced  nothing. 
His  Excellency  began  to  breathe : — another 
paragraph,  and  he  found  that  the  rival  island 
was  a — rock !  He  remembered  the  porpoise 
of  yesterday.  The  island  certainly  could  not 
be  very  large,  even   at    low-water.      Popanilla 


176  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

once  more  felt  like  a  Prince ;  he  defied  all  the 
discoverers  that  could  ever  exist.  He  thought 
of  the  great  resources  of  the  great  country  he 
represented  with  proud  satisfaction.  He  await- 
ed with  the  most  easy  confidence  the  return  of 
the  fleet  which  had  carried  out  the  most  judi- 
cious assortment,  with  which  he  had  ever  been 
acquainted,  to  the  readiest  market  of  which  he 
had  any  knowledge.  He  had  no  doubt  his 
mistress  would  look  most  charmingly  in  a  ba- 
rege. Popanilla  determined  to  present  his  canoe 
to  the  National  Museum. 

Although  his  Excellency  had  existed  in  the 
highest  state  of  astonishment  during  his  whole 
mission  to  Vraibleusia,  it  must  be  confessed,  now 
that  he  understood  his  companion's  question 
of  yesterday,  he  particularly  stared.  His  won- 
der was  not  decreased  in  the  evening,  when  the 
Government  Gazette  appeared.  It  contained 
an  order  for  the  immediate  fortification  of  the 
new  island  by  the  most  skilful  engineers,  with- 
out estimates.     A  strong  garrison  was  instantly 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  177 

embarked.  A  Governor,  and  a  Deputy-go- 
vernor, and  Storekeepers,  more  plentiful  than 
stores,  were  to  accompany  them.  The  Private 
Secretary  went  out  as  President  of  Council. 
A  Bishop  was  promised  ;  and  a  complete  Court 
of  Judicature,  Chancery,  King's  Bench,  Com- 
mon Pleas,  and  Exchequer,  were  to  be  off  the 
next  week.  It  is  only  due  to  the  characters 
of  courtiers,  who  are  so  often  reproached  with 
ingratitude  to  their  patrons,  to  record,  that  the 
Private  Secretary,  in  the  most  delicate  manner, 
placed  at  the  disposal  of  his  former  employer, 
the  Marquess  Moustache,  the  important  office 
of  Agent  for  the  Indemnification  claims  of  the 
original  Inhabitants  of  the-  island.  The  post 
being  a  sinecure,  the  income  being  considerable, 
and  local  attendance  being  unnecessary,  the  noble 
Lord,  in  a  manner  equally  delicate,  appointed 
himself. 

"  Upon  what  system,''  one  day  inquired 
that  unwearied  political  student,  the  Fantaisian 
Ambassador,  of  his  old  friend  Skindeep,  "  does 


178  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

your  Government  surround  a  small  rock  in  the 
middle  of  the  sea  with  fortifications,  and  cram  it 
full  of  clerks,  soldiers,  lawyers,  and  priests  ?" 

"  Why,  really,  your  Excellency,  1  am  the  last 
man  in  the  world  to  answer  questions,  but,  I  be- 
lieve, we  call  it  the  colonial  system  !" 

Before  the  President,  and  Governor,  and 
Deputy-governor,  and  Storehousekeepers  had 
embarked,  the  Vraibleusian  journals,  who 
thought  that  the  public  had  been  satiated 
with  congratulations  on  the  Colonial  System, 
detected  that  the  present  colony  was  a  job. 
Their  reasoning  was  so  convincing,  and  their 
denunciations  so  impressive,  that  the  Managers 
got  frightened,  and  tut  off  one  of  the  Deputy- 
storekeepers.  The  President  of  Council  now 
got  more  frightened  than  the  Managers.  He 
was  one  of  those  men  who  think  that  the  world 
can  be  saved  by  writing  a  pamphlet.  A  pam- 
phlet accordingly  appeared  upon  the  subject 
of  the  new  colony.  The  writer  showed,  that 
the  debateable  land  was  the  most  valuable  ac- 


JI^P* 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  179 

quisition  ever  attained  by  a  nation  famous  for 
their  acquisitions  ;  that  there  was  a  spring  of 
water  in  the  middle  of  the  rock  of  a  remarkable 
freshness,  and  which  was  never  dry,  except 
during  the  summer,  and  the  earlier  winter 
months ;  that  all  our  outward-bound  ships 
would  experience  infinite  benefit  from  this  fresh 
water;  that  the  scurvy  would  therefore  disap- 
pear from  the  service  ;  and  that  all  the  naval 
victories  which  the  Vraibleusians  would  gain 
in  future  wars,  would  consequently  be  occa- 
sioned by  the  present  colony.  No  one  could 
mistake  the  felicitous  reasoning  of  the  author 
of  »  The  Present  State  of  the  Western  Repub- 
lics !" 

About  this  time  Popanilla  fell  ill.  He  lost  his 
appetite  and  his  spirits,  and  his  digestion  was 
sadly  disordered.  His  friends  endeavoured  to 
console  him  by  telling  him,  that  dyspepsia  was 
the  national  disease  of  Vraibleusia  ;  that  its  con- 
nection with  civil  and  religious  liberty  was  indis- 
soluble ;  that  every  man,  woman,  and  child,  above 


180  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

fifteen,  in  the  island,  was  a  martyr  to  it ;  that  it 
was  occasioned  by  their  rapid  mode  of  despatch- 
ing their  meals,  which  again  was  occasioned  by 
the  little  time  which  the  most  active  nation  in 
the  world  could  afford  to  bestow  upon  such  a 
losing  business  as  eating. 

All  this  was  no  consolation  to  a  man  who  had 
lost  his  appetite ;  and  so  Popanilla  sent  for  a 
gentleman,  who,  he  was  told,  was  the  most 
eminent  physician  in  the  island.  The  most 
eminent  physician,  when  he  arrived,  would  not 
listen  to  a  single  syllable  that  his  patient  wished 
to  address  to  him.  He  told  Popanilla,  that  his 
disorder  was  "  decidedly  liver ;"  that  it  was 
occasioned  by  his  eating  his  meat  before  his 
bread,  instead  of  after  it;  and  drinking  at  the 
end  of  the  first  course,  instead  of  the  beginning 
of  the  second  ;  that  he  had  only  to  correct  these 
ruinous  habits,  and  that  he  would  then  regain  his 
tone. 

Popanilla  observed  the  instructions  of  the 
eminent  physician  to  the  very  letter.     He    in- 


fS^P^ 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  181 

variably  eat  his  bread  before  his  meat,  and  watch- 
ed the  placing  of  the  first  dish  of  the  second  , 
course  upon  the  table  ere  he  ventured  to  refresh 
himself  with  any  liquid.     At  the  end  of  a  week  he 
was  infinitely  worse. 

He  now  called  in  a  gentleman  who  was  recom- 
mended to  him  as  the  most  celebrated  practition- 
er in  all  Vraibleusia.  The  most  celebrated  prac- 
titioner listened  with  great  attention  to  every  par- 
ticular that  his  patient  had  to  state  ;  but  never 
condescended  to  open  his  own  mouth.  Popanilla 
was  delighted,  and  revenged  himself  for  the  irrita- 
bility of  the  eminent  physician.  After  two  more 
visits  the  most  celebrated  practitioner  told  Popa- 
nilla that  his  disorder  was  "  unquestionably  ner- 
vous ;"  that  he  had  over-excited  himself  by  talk- 
ing too  much ;  that  in  future  he  must  count  five 
between  each  word  he  uttered,  never  ask  any 
questions,  and  avoid  society— that  is,  never  stay 
at  any  evening-party,  on  any  consideration,  later 
than  twenty-two  minutes  past  two,  and  never  be 

induced  by  any  persuasion  to  dine  out  more  than 
17 


1  82  THE  VOYAGE  OP 

once  on  the  same  day.  The  most  celebrated 
practitioner  added,  that  he  had  onlj  to  observe 
these  regulations,  and  that  he  would  speedily  re- 
cover his  energy. 

Popanilla  never  asked  a  question  for  a  whole 
week,  and  Skindeep  never  knew  him  more  de- 
lightful. He  not  only  counted  five,  but  ten,  be- 
tween every  word  he  uttered;  and  determining 
that  his  cure  should  not  be  delayed,  whenever  he 
had  nobody  to  speak  to,  he  continued  counting. 
In  a  few  days  this  solitary  computation  brought 
on  a  slow  fever. 

He  now  determined  to  have  a  consultation  be- 
tween the  most  eminent  physician,  and  the  most 
celebrated  practitioner.  It  was  delightful  to  wit- 
ness the  meeting  of  these  great  men.  Not  a  shade 
of  jealousy  dimmed  the  sunshine  of  their  counte- 
nances. After  a  consultation,  they  agreed  that 
Popanilla's  disorder  was  neither  "  liver,"  nor 
"  nervous,"  but  "  mind ;"  that  he  had  done  too 
much ;  that  he  had  over-worked  his  brain ;  that 
le  must  take  more  exercise ;  that  he  must  breathe 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  183 

more  air  ;  that  he  must  have  relaxation ;  that  he 
must  have  change  of  scene. 

*^  Where  shall  1  go?"  was  the  first  question 
which  Popanilla  had  sent  forth  for  a  fortnight, 
and  it  was  addressed  to  Skindeep. 

"  Really,  your  Excellency,  I  am  the  last  man 
m  the  world  to  answer  questions  ;  but  the  place 
which  is  generally  frequented  by  us  when  we  are 
suffering  from  your  complaint,  is  Blunderland." 

"  Well,  then,  to  Blunderland  let  us  go  !" 

Shortly  before  Popanilla's  illness,  he  had  been 
elected  a  member  of  the  Vraibleusian  Horticultu- 
ral Society,  and  one  evening  he  had  endeavoured 
to  amuse  himself  by  reading  the  following  Chap- 
■  TER  ON  Fruit. 


184  THE  VOYAGE  Of 


CHAPTER  XV. 

That  a  taste  for  Fruit  is  inherent  in  man,  is 
an  opinion  which  is  sanctioned  by  the  conduct 
of  man  in  all  ages  and  in  all  countries.  While 
some  nations  have  considered  it  profanation,  or 
pollution,  to  nourish  themselves  with  flesh,  or 
solace  themselves  with  fish ;  while  almost  every 
member  of  the  animal  creation  has  in  turn  been 
considered  either  sacred  or  unclean — mankind 
in  all  climes,  and  in  all  countries,  the  Hindoo 
and  the  Hebrew,  the  Egyptian  and  the  Greek, 
the  Roman  and  the  Frank,  have,  in  some  de- 
gree, made  good  their  boastful  claim  to  reason, 
by  universally  feeding  upon  those  delightful 
productions   of    Nature   which    are    nourished 


CAPTAIN    POPANILLA.  185 

with  the  dews  of  heaven,  and  which  live  for 
ever  in  its  breath. 
And,  indeed,,  when  we  consider  how  exceed- 
ingly refreshing  at  all  times  is  the  flavour  of 
fruit ;  how  very  natural,  and,  in  a  manner,  born 
in  him,  is  man's  inclination  for  it ;  how  little  it 
is  calculated  to  pall  upon  his  senses ;  and  how 
conducive,  when  not  eaten  to  excess,  it  is  to  his 
health,  as  well  as  to  his  pleasure  ;  we  must  not 
be  surprised  that  a  conviction  of  its  excellence 
should  have  been  one  of  those  few  subjects  on 
which  men  have  never  disagreed. 

That  some  countries  are  more  favoured  in 
their  fruit  than  others,  is  a  fact  so  notorious 
that  its  notice  is  unnecessary;  but  we  are  not 
therefore  to  suppose  that  their  appetite  for  it  is 
more  keen  than  the  appetite  of  other  nations  for 
their  fruit,  who  live  in  less  genial  climes.  In- 
deed, if  we  were  not  led  to  believe  that  all  na- 
tions are  inspired  by  an  equal  love  for  this 
production,  it  might  occasionally  be  suspected 

that  some  of  those  nations,  who  are  least  skilful 
17* 


136  THE   VOYAGE  OF 

as  horticulturists,  evince  a  greater  passion  for 
their  inferior  growths,  than  more  fortunate 
people  for  their  choicer  produce.  The  effects 
of  bad  fruit,  however,  upon  the  constitution, 
and  consequently  upon  the  national  character, 
are  so  injurious,  that  every  liberal  man  must 
regret  that  any  people,  either  from  ignorance 
or  obhgation,  should  be  forced  to  have  recourse 
to  any  thing  so  fatal ;  and  must  feel  that  it  is 
the  duty  of  every  one,  who  professes  to  be  a  phi- 
lanthropist, to  propagate  and  encourage  a  taste 
for  good  fruit  throughout  all  countries  of  the 
globe. 

A  vast  number  of  centuries  before  Popanilla 
had  the  fortune  to  lose  his  mistress's  lock  of 
hair,  and  consequently  to  become  an  Ambas- 
sador to  Vraibleusia,  the  inhabitants  of  that 
island,  then  scarcely  more  civilized  than  their 
new  allies  of  Fantaisie  were  at  present,  suffered 
very  considerably  from  the  trash  which  they 
devoured,  from  that  innate  taste  for  fruit  al- 
ready noticed.     In  fact,  although  there  are  an- 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  187 

tiquaries  who  pretend  that  the  Vraibleusians  pos- 
sessed some  of  the  species  of  wild  plums  and 
apples,  even  at  that  early  period,  the  majority 
of  inquirers  are  disposed  to  believe,  that  their 
desserts  were  solely  confined  to  the  wildest  ber- 
ries, horse-chestnuts,  and  acorns. 

A  tradition  runs,  that  while  they  were  com- 
mitting these  abominations,  a  ship,  one  of  the 
first  ships  that  had  ever  touched  at  the  island, 
arrived  at  the  present  port  of  Hubbabub,  then 
a  spacious  and  shipless  bay.  The  master  of  the 
vessel,  on  being  brought  before  the  King,  (for 
the  story  I  am  recording  happened  long  before 
the  construction  of  the  miraculous  Statue,) 
presented,  with  his  right  hand,  to  his  Majesty  a 
small  pyramidal  substance  of  a  golden  hue, 
which  seemed  to  spring  out  of  green  and  purple 
leaves.  His  Majesty  did  not  exactly  under- 
stand the  intention  of  this  ceremony,  but  of 
course,  like  a  true  legitimate,  construed  it 
into  a  symbol  of  homage.  No  sooner  had  the 
King  brought  the  unknown    substance  near  to 


188  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

his  eyes  with  the  intention  of  scrutinizing  its 
nature,  than  the  fragrance  was  so  dehghtful, 
that  by  mistake  he  appUed  it  to  his  mouth. 
The  King  only  took  one  mouthful,  and  then, 
with  a  cry  of  rapture,  instantly  handed  the  de- 
licacy to  his  favourite,  who,  to  the  great  mor- 
tification of  the  Secretary  of  State,  finished  it. 
The  Stranger,  however,  immediately  supphed 
the  surrounding  courtiers,  from  a  basket  which 
was  slung  on  his  left  arm ;  and  no  sooner  had 
they  all  tasted  his  gift,  than  they  fell  upon  their 
knees  to  worship  him  ;  vowing  that  the  distri- 
butor of  such  delight  must  be  more  than  man. 
If  this  avowal  be  considered  very  absurd  and 
very  extraordinary  in  this  present  age  of  phi- 
losophy, we  must  not  forget  to  make  due  allow- 
ance for  the  palates  of  individuals,  who,  having 
been  so  long  accustomed  merely  to  horse-chest- 
nuts and  acorns,  suddenly,  for  the  first  time  in 
their  lives,  tasted — Pine-apple, 

The  Stranger,  with  an  air  of  great  humihty, 
disclaimed  their  proferred  adoration,  and  told 


CAPTAIN   POPANILLA.  189 

them,  that  far  from  being  superior  to  common 
mortals,  he  was,  on  the  contrary,  one  of  the 
lowHest  of  the  human  race — in  fact,  he  did  not 
wish  to  conceal  it — in  spite  of  his  vessel  and  his 
attendants,  he  was  merely  a  market^gardener 
on  a  great  scale.  This  beautiful  fruit  he  had 
recently  discovered  in  the  East,  to  which  quar- 
ter of  the  world  he  annually  travelled  in  order  to 
obtain  a  sufficient  quantity  to  supply  the  great 
Western  hemisphere,  of  which  he  himself  was 
a  native.  Accident  had  driven  him  with  one  of 
his  ships  into  the  island  of  Vraibleusia,  and  as 
the  Islanders  appeared  to  be  pleased  with  his 
cargo,  he  said  that  he  should  have  great  pleasure 
in  supplying  them  at  present,  and  receiving  their 
orders  for  the  future. 

The  proposition  was  greeted  with  enthusiasm. 
The  King  immediately  entered  into  a  contract 
with  the  market-gardener  on  his  own  terms. 
The  sale,  or  cultivation,  or  even  the  eating  of 
all  other  fruits,  was  declared  high  treason ;  and 
Pine-apple,  for  weighty  reasons   duly  recited  in 


190  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

the  royal  proclamation,  announced  as  the  esta- 
blished fruit  of  the  realm.  The  cargo,  under 
the  superintendence  of  some  of  the  most  trusty 
of  the  crew,  was  unshipped  for  the  immediate 
supply  01  the  island  ;  and  the  merchant  and  his 
customers  parted,  mutually  dehghted,  and  mutu- 
ally profited. 

Time  flew  on.  The  civihzation  of  Vraibleusia 
was  progressive,  as  civilization  always  is  ;  and 
the  taste  for  pine-apples  ever  on  the  increase, 
as  the  taste  for  pine-apples  ever  should  be. 
The  supply  was  regular  and  excellent,  the 
prices  reasonable,  and  the  tradesmen  civil. 
They,  of  course,  had  not  failed  to  advance  in 
fair  proportion  with  the  national  prosperity. 
Their  numbers  had  much  increased  as  well  as 
their  customers.  Fresh  agents  arrived  with 
every  fresh  cai^o.  They  had  long  quitted  the 
stalls,  with  which  they  had  been  contented  on 
their  first  settlement  in  the  island,  and  now 
were  the  dapper  owners  of  neat  depots  in  all 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  191 

parts  of  the  kingdom,  where  depots  could  find 
customers. 

A  few  more   centuries,  and  affairs  began  to 
change.     All  that  I  have  related  as  matter  of 
fact,  and  which  certainly  is  not  better  authenti- 
cated than    many  other  things  that    happened 
two  or  three  thousand  years  ago — which,  how- 
ever, the   most  sceptical  will  not  presume  to 
maintain  did  not  take  place — was  treated  as  the 
most  idle  and  ridiculous  fable,  by  the  dealers  in 
pine-apples  themselves.     They  said,  that   they 
knew   nothing  about   a   market-gardener;    that 
they  were,  and  had  always  been,  the  subjects  of 
the  greatest  Prince  in  the  world,  compared  with 
whom,  all  other  crowned  heads  ranked  merely 
as  subjects  did  with  their  immediate  sovereigns. 
This   Prince,  they  said,  lived  in  the   most  de- 
licious region  in  the  world,  and  the  fruit  which 
they  imported  could  only  be  procured  from  his 
private  gardens,  where   it  sprung  from  one  of 
the  trees  that  had  bloomed  in  the  gardens   of 


192  THE  VOYAGE  OP 

the  Hesperides.  The  Vraibleusians  were  at 
first  a  little  surprised  at  this  information,  but 
the  old  tradition  of  the  market-gardener  was 
certainly  a  very  improbable  one ;  and  the  ex- 
cellence of  the  fruit,  and  the  importance  as- 
sumed by  those  who  supplied  it,  were  deemed 
exceedingly  good  evidence  of  the  truth  of  the 
present  story.  When  the  dealers  had  repeated 
their  new  tale  for  a  certain  number  of  years, 
there  was  not  an  individual  in  the  island,  who, 
in  the  slightest  degree,  suspected  its  veracity. 
One  more  century,  and  no  person  had  ever 
heard  that  any  suspicions  had  ever  existed. 

The  immediate  agents  of  the  Prince  of  the 
World,  could,  of  course,  be  no  common  person- 
ages; and  the  servants  of  the  gardener,  who 
some  centuries  before  had  meekly  disclaimed 
the  proffered  reverence  of  his  delighted  cus- 
tomers, ^now  insisted  upon  constant  adoration 
from  every  eater  of  pine-apples  in  the  island. 
In  spite,  however,  of  the  arrogance  of  the  deal- 
ers, of  their  refusal  to    be  responsible  to  the 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  193 

laws  of  the  country  in  which  they  lived,  and  of 
the  universal  precedence  which,  on  all  occasions, 
was  claimed  even  by  the  shop-boys,  so  decided 
was  the  taste  which  the  Vraibleusians  had  ac- 
quired for  pine-apples,  that  there  is  little  doubt, 
that  had  the  dealers  in  this  delicious  fruit  been 
contented  with  the  respect  and  influence  and 
profit  which  were  the  consequences  of  their 
vocation,  the  Vraibleusians  would  never  have 
presumed  to  have  grumbled  at  their  arrogance, 
or  to  have  questioned  their  privileges.  But  the 
agents,  wearied  of  the  hmited  sphere  to  which 
their  exertions  were  confined,  and  encouraged 
by  the  success  which  every  new  claim  and 
pretence  on  their  part  invariably  experienced, 
began  to  evince  an  inclination  to  interfere  in 
other  affairs  besides  those  of  fruit;  and  even 
expressed  their  willingness  to  undertake  no  less 
an  office  than  the  Management  of  the  Statue. 

A  century  or  two  were  solely  occupied  by 
conflicts    occasioned    by  the   unreasonable  am- 
bition of  these    dealers    in    pine-apples.     Such 
18 


194  THE  VOYAG?:  OP 

great  political  effects  could  be  produced  by 
men  apparently  so  unconnected  with  politics 
as  market-gardeners  !  Ever  supported  by  the 
lower  ranks,  whom  they  supplied  with  fruit  of 
the  most  exquisite  flavour  without  charge,  they 
were,  for  a  long  time,  often  the  successful  op- 
ponents, always  the  formidable  adversaries,  of 
the  Vraibleusian  aristocracy ;  who  were  the 
objects  of  their  envy,  and  the  victims  of  their 
rapaciousness.  The  government  at  last,  by  a 
vigorous  effort,  triumphed.  In  spite  of  the 
wishes  of  the  majority  of  the  nation,  the  whole 
of  the  dealers  were  one  day  expelled  the  island, 
and  the  Managers  of  the  Statue  immediately 
took  possession  of  their  estabhshments. 

By  distributing  the  stock  of  fruit  which  was 
on  hand  very  hberally,  the  government,  for  a 
short  time,  reconciled  the  people  to  the  change  ; 
but  as  their  warehouses  became  daily  more 
empty,  they  were  daily  reminded,  that  unless 
some  system  were  soon  adopted,  the  Islanders 
must  be  deprived  of  a  luxury  to  which   they 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  196 

had  been  so  long    accustomed,  that  its    indul- 
gence  had,    in  fact,  become  a  second  nature. 
No  one  of  the  Managers  had  the  hardihood  to 
propose  a  recurrence  to  horse-chestnuts.     Pride 
and  Fear    aUke    forbad  a  return   to  their   old 
purveyor.     Other  fruits  there  were,  which,  in 
spite  of  the  contract  with  the  market-gardener, 
had  at  various  times  been  secretly  introduced 
into   the   island ;  but  they    had    never    greatly 
flourished,   and  the  Statue  was  loth  to  recom- 
mend to  the  notice  of  his  subjects,  productions 
—an  indulgence  in  which,  through  the  instiga- 
tion of  the  recently  expelled  agents— it  had  so 
often  denounced   as   detrimental  to  the  health, 
and  had  so  often  discouraged   by  the  severest 
punishments. 

At  this  difficult  and  deUcate  crisis,  when 
even  expedients  seemed  exhausted  and  states- 
men were  at  fault,  the  genius  of  an  individual 
offered  a  substitute.  An  inventive  mind  dis- 
covered the  power  of  propagating  suckers. 
The  expelled   dealers   had   either  been  ignorant 


<5^ 


196  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

of  this  power,  or  had  concealed  their  know- 
lege  of  it.  They  ever  maintained  that  it  was 
impossible  for  pine-apples  to  grow  except  in 
one  spot,  and  that  the  whole  earth  must  be 
supphed  from  the  gardens  of  the  Palace  of  the 
Prince  of  the  World.  Now  the  Vraibleusians 
were  flattered  with  the  patriotic  fancy  of  eating 
pine-apples  of  a  home-growth  ;  and  the  blessed 
fortune  of  that  nation,  which  did  not  depend 
for  their  supply  of  fruit  upon  a  foreign  coun- 
try, was  eagerly  expatiated  on.  Secure  from 
extortion,  and  independent  of  caprice,  the  Vrai- 
bleusians were  no  longer  to  be  insulted  by  the 
presence  of  foreigners  ;  who,  while  they  violated 
their  laws  w^ith  impunity,  referred  the  Vraibleu- 
sians, when  injured  and  complaining,  to  a  fo- 
reign master. 

No  doubt  this  appeal  to  the  patriotism,  and 
the  common  sense,  and  the  vanity  of  the  nation, 
would  have  been  exceedingly  successful,  had 
not  the  produce  of  the  suckers  been  both  in- 
ferior  in    size   and   deficient   in   flavour.     The 


CAPTAIN    POPANILLA.  197 

Vraibleusians  tasted  and  shook  their  heads.  The 
supply,  too,  was  as  imperfect  as  the  article ;  for 
the  Government  gardeners  were  but  sorry  horti- 
culturists, and  were  ever  making  experiments 
and  alterations  in  their  modes  of  culture.  The 
article  was  scarce,  though  the  law  had  decreed 
it  universal ;  and  the  Vraibleusians  were 
obliged  to  feed  upon  fruit,  which  they  con- 
sidered at  the  same  time  both  poor  and  expen- 
sive. They  protested  as  strongly  against  the 
present  system,  as  its  promulgators  had  protested 
against  the  former  one  :  and  they  revenged  them- 
selves for  their  grievances  by  breaking  the  shop- 
windows. 

As  any  result  was  preferable,  in  the  view  of 
the  Statue,  to  the  re-introduction  of  foreign 
fruit  and  foreign  agents  ;  and  as  the  Managers 
considered  it  highly  important  that  an  indisso- 
luble connection  should  in  future  exist  between 
the  Government  and  so  influential  and  profit- 
able  a  branch   of    trade,    they   determined   to 

adopt  the  most  vigorous  measures  to  infuse  a 
18* 


198  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

taste  for  suckers  in  the  discontented  populace. 
But  the  eating  of  fruit  being  clearly  a  mat- 
ter of  taste,  it  is  evidently  a  habit  which 
should  rather  be  encouraged  by  a  plentiful 
supply  of  exquisite  produce,  than  enforced  by 
the  introduction  of  burning  and  bayonets.  The 
consequences  of  the  strong  measures  of  the  Go- 
vernment were,  universal  discontent  and  partial 
rebellion.  The  Islanders,  foolishly  ascribing  the 
miseries  which  they  endured,  not  so  much  to 
the  folly  of  the  Government,  as  to  the  parti- 
cular fruit  through  which  the  dissensions  had 
originated,  began  to  entertain  a  disgust  for 
pine-apples  altogether,  and  to  sicken  at  the 
very  mention  of  that  production  which  had 
once  occasioned  them  so  much  pleasure,  and 
which  had  once  commanded  such  decided  ad- 
miration. They  universally  agreed,  that  there 
were  many  other  fruits  in  the  world  besides 
pine-apple,  which  had  been  too  long  neglected. 
One  dilated  on  the  rich  flavour  of  Melon ; 
another    panegyrised  Pumpkin,   and   offered  to 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  199 

make  up  by  quantity  for  any  slight  deficiency  in 
gout:  Cherries  were  not  without  their  advo- 
cates :  Strawberries  were  not  forgotten.  One 
maintained  that  the  Fig  had  evidently  been 
pointed  out  for  the  established  fruit  of  all  coun- 
tries ;  while  another  asked,  with  a  reeling  eye, 
whether  they  need  go  far  to  seek,  w^hen  a  God 
had  condescended  to  preside  over  the  Grape ! 
In  short,  there  was  not  a  Fruit  which  flourishes 
that  did  not  find  its  votaries.  Strange  to  say, 
another  foreign  product,  imported  from  a  neigh- 
bouring country  famous  for  its  barrenness, 
counted  the  most ;  and  the  fruit  faction,  which 
chiefly  frightened  the  Vraibleusian  Government, 
was  an  acid  set,  who  crammed  themselves  with 
Crab-apples. 

It  was  this  party  which  first  seriously  and 
practically  conceived  the  idea  of  utterly  abolish- 
ing the  ancient  custom  of  eating  pine-apples. 
While  they  themselves  professed  to  devour  no 
other  fruit  save  crabs,  they  at  the  same  time 
preached   the    doctrine    of    an  universal    fruit 


200  THE  VOYAGE  OP 

toleration,  which  they  showed  would  be  the 
necessary  and  natural  consequence  of  the  de- 
struction of  the  old  monopoly.  Influenced  by 
these  representations,  the  great  body  of  the 
people  openly  joined  the  Crab-apple  men  in 
their  open  attacks.  The  minority,  who  still 
retained  a  taste  for  pines,  did  not  yield  without 
an  arduous  though  ineffectual  struggle.  Du- 
ring the  riots  occasioned  by  this  rebellion,  the 
hall  of  audience  was  broken  open,  and  the  mi- 
raculous Statue,  which  was  reputed  to  have  a 
great  passion  for  pine-apples,  dashed  to  the 
ground.  The  Managers  were  either  slain,  or 
disappeared.  The  whole  affairs  of  the  king- 
dom were  conducted  by  a  body  called  "  the 
Fruit  Committee ;"  and  thus  a  total  revolution 
of  the  Government  of  Vraibleusia  was  occa- 
sioned by  the  prohibition  of  foreign  pine- 
apples. What  an  argument  in  favour  of  free 
trade ! 

Every  fruit,  except  that  one  which  had  so  re- 
cently been  supported  by  the  influence  of  autho- 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  201 

rity  and  the  terrors  of  law,  might  now  be  seen 
and  devoured  in  the  streets  of  Hubbabub.     In 
one  corner  men  were  sucking  oranges,  as  if  they 
had  Uved  their  whole  lives  on  salt :   in  another, 
stuffing  pumpkin,   like   cannibals    at    their  first 
child.     Here  one  took  in  at  a  mouthful  a  bunch 
of  grapes,  from  which  might  have  been  pressed  a 
good  quart.     Another  was  lying  on  the  ground 
from  a  surfeit  of  mulberries.     The  effect  of  this 
irrational  excess  will  be  conceived  by  the  judi- 
cious reader.     Calcutta  itself  never  suffered  from 
a  cholera  morbus  half  so  fearful.      Thousands 
were  dying.     Were  1  Thucydides,  or  Boccaccio, 
1  would  write  pages  on  this  plague.     The  com- 
monwealth itself  must  soon  have  yielded  its  ghost, 
for  all  order  had  ceased  throughout  the  island, 
ever  since  they  had  deserted  pine-apples.     There 
was  no  Government :  anarchy  alone  was  perfect. 
Of  the  Fruit  Committee,  many  of  the  members 
were  dead,  or  dying,  and  the  rest  were  robbing 
orchards. 

At   this   moment   of  disorganization   and  dis- 


202  TH&  VOYAGE  OP 

may,  a  stout  soldier,  one  of  the  crab-apple 
faction,  who  had  possessed  sufficient  command 
over  himself,  in  spite  of  the  seeming  voracity 
of  his  appetite,  not  to  indulge  to  a  dangerous 
excess,  made  his  way  one  morning  into  the  old 
Hall  of  Audience,  and  there  groping  about, 
succeeded  in  finding  the  golden  head  of  the 
Statue ;  which  placing  on  the  hilt  of  his  sword, 
the  point  of  which  he  had  stuck  in  the  pedestal, 
he  announced  to  the  city,  that  he  had  disco- 
vered the  secret  of  conversing  with  this  wonder- 
ful piece  of  mechanism ;  and  that  in  future,  he 
would  take  care  of  the  health  and  fortune  of  the 
State. 

There  were  some  who  thought  it  rather  strange 
that  the  head-piece  should  possess  the  power 
of  resuming  its  old  functions,  although  deprived 
of  the  aid  of  the  body  which  contained  the 
greater  portion  of  the  machinery.  As  it  was 
evidently  well  supported  by  the  sword,  they  were 
not  surprised  that  it  should  stand  without  the  use 
of  its  legs.     But  the  stout  soldier  was  the  only 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  203 

one  in  the  island  who  enjoyed  the  blessing  of 
health.  He  was  fresh,  vigorous,  and  vigilant; 
they,  exhausted,  weak,  and  careless  of  every 
thing  except  cure.  He  soon  took  measures  for 
the  prevention  of  future  mischief,  and  for  the 
cure  of  the  present ;  and  when  his  fellow  Island- 
ers had  recovered,  some  were  grateful,  others 
fearful,  and  all  obedient. 

As  long  as  the  stout  soldier  lived,  no  dissen- 
sions on  the  subject  of  fruit  ever  broke  out. 
Although  he  himself  never  interfered  in  the  sale 
of  the  article,  and  never  attempted  to  create 
another  monopoly,  still,  by  his  influence  and  au- 
thority, he  prevented  any  excess  being  occasioned 
by  the  Fruit  toleration  which  was  enjoyed.  In- 
deed the  Vraibleusians  themselves  had  suffered 
so  severely  from  their  late  indiscretions,  that 
such  excesses  were  not  likely  again  to  occur. 
People  began  to  discover  that  it  was  not  quite  so 
easy  a  thing  as  they  had  imagined  for  every  man 
to  be  his  own  Fruiterer;  and  that  gardening 
was  a  craft,  which,  like  others,  required  great 


204  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

study,  long  practice,  and  early  experience.  Un* 
able  to  supply  thennselves,  the  majority  became 
the  victims  of  quack  traders.  They  sickened 
of  spongy  apricots,  and  fozy  pears,  and  withered 
plums,  and  blighted  apples,  and  tasteless  berries. 
They  at  length  suspected  that  a  nation  might  fare 
better  if  its  race  of  fruiterers  were  overseen  and 
supported  by  the  State, — if  their  skill  and  their 
market  were  alike  secured.  Although  no  longer 
being  tempted  to  suffer  from  a  surfeit,  the 
health  of  the  Islanders  had  consequently  recov- 
ered—this was,  after  all,  but  a  negative  blessing ; 
and  they  sadly  missed  a  luxury  once  so  reason- 
able and  so  refreshing.  They  sighed  for  an  es- 
tablished fruit,  and  a  protected  race  of  cultiva- 
tors. But  the  stout  soldier  was  so  sworn  an 
enemy  to  any  Government  Fruit,  and  so  decided 
an  admirer  of  the  least  delightful,  that  the  people, 
having  no  desire  of  being  forced  to  eat  crab- 
apples,  only  longed  for  more  delicious  food  in 
silence. 

At  length  the  stout  soldier  died,  and  on  the 


CAPTAIN    POPANILLA.  205 

night  of  his  death  the  sword,  which  had  so  long 
supported  the  pretended  Government,  snapped 
in  twain.  No  arrangement  existed  for  carrying 
on  the  administration  of  atTairs.  The  master- 
mind was  gone,  without  having  imparted  the 
secret  of  conversing  with  the  golden  head  to 
any  successor.  The  people  assembled  in  agi- 
tated crowds.  Each  knew  his  neighbour's 
thoughts  without  their  being  declared.  All 
smacked  their  lips,  and  a  cry  for  pine-apples  rent 
the  skies. 

At  this  moment  the  Aboriginal  Inhabitant 
appeared,  and  announced,  that  in  examining  the 
old  Hall  of  Audience,  which  had  been  long 
locked  up,  he  had  discovered  in  a  corner  where 
they  had  been  flung  by  the  stout  soldier  when 
he  stole  away  the  head,  the  remaining  portions 
of  the  Statue  ;  that  they  were  quite  uninjured, 
and  that  on  fixing  the  head  once  more  upon 
them,  and  winding  up  the  works,  he  was  de- 
lighted to  find  that  this  great  work  of  his  an- 
cestor, under  whose  superintendence  the  nation 
19 


206  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

had  so  flourished,  resumed  all  its  ancient  func- 
tions. The  people  were  in  a  state  of  mind  for 
a  miracle,  and  they  hailed  the  joyful  wonder 
with  shouts  of  triumph.  The  Statue  was  placed 
under  the  provisional  care  of  the  Aboriginal. 
All  arrangements  for  its  superintendence  were 
left  to  his  discretion  ;  and  its  advice  was  instant- 
ly to  be  taken  upon  that  subject,  which  at  present 
was  nearest  the  people's  hearts. 

But  that  subject  was  encompassed  with  diffi- 
culties. Pine-apples  could  only  be  again  pro- 
cured by  an  application  to  the  Prince  of  the 
World,  whose  connection  they  had  rejected ; 
and  by  an  introduction  into  the  island  of  those 
foreign  agents,  who,  now  convinced  that  the 
Vraibleusians  could  not  exist  without  their  pre* 
sence,  would  be  more  arrogant,  and  ambitious,  and 
turbulent  than  ever.  Indeed  the  Aboriginal  fear- 
ed that  the  management  of  the  Statue  would  be 
the  sine  qua  non  of  negotiation  with  the  Prince. 
If  this  were  granted,  it  was  clear  that  Vraibleu- 
sia   must  in  future  only  rank   as   a  dependent 


CAPTAIN    POPANILLA.  207 

state  of  a  foreign  power,  since  the  direction  of 
the  whole  island  would  actually  be  at  the  will 
of  the  supplier  of  pine-apples.  Ah !  this  mys- 
terious taste  for  fruit !  In  politics  it  has  often 
occasioned  infinite  embarrassment. 

At  this  critical  moment  the  Aboriginal  re- 
ceived information,  that  although  the  eating  of 
pine-apples  had  been  utterly  abohshed,  and 
although  it  was  generally  supposed  that  a  speci- 
men of  this  fruit  had  long  ceased  to  exist  in 
the  country,  nevertheless  a  body  of  persons, 
chiefly  consisting  of  the  descendants  of  the 
Government  gardeners,  who  had  succeeded  the 
foreign  agents,  and  who  had  never  lost  their 
taste  for  this  pre-eminent  fruit,  had  long  been  in 
the  habit  of  secretly  raising,  for  their  private 
eating,  pine-apples  from  the  produce  of  those 
suckers  which  had  originally  excited  such 
odium,  and  occasioned  such  misfortunes.  Long 
practice,  they  said,  and  infinite  study,  had  so 
perfected  them  in  this  art,  that  they  now  suc- 
ceeded in    producing  pine-apples,  which,   both 


208  THE  VOYAGE  OP 

for  size  and  flavour,  were  not  inferior  to  the 
boasted  produce  of  a  foreign  clime.  Their  spe- 
cimens verified  their  assertion,  and  the  whole 
nation  were  invited  to  an-  instant  trial.  The 
long  interval  which  had  elapsed  since  any  man 
had  enjoyed  a  treat  so  agreeable,  lent,  perhaps, 
an  additional  flavour  to  that  which  was  really 
excellent;  and  so  enraptured  and  enthusiastic 
were  the  great  majority  of  the  people,  that  the 
propagators  of  suckers  would  have  had  no  diffi- 
culty, had  they  pushed  the  point,  of  procuring  as 
favourable  and  exclusive  a  contract,  as  the  mar- 
ket gardener  of  ancient  days. 

But  the  Aboriginal  and  his  advisers  were 
wisely  mindful,  that  the  passions  of  a  people  are 
not  arguments  for  legislation  ;  and  they  felt  con- 
scious, that  when  the  first  enthusiasm  had  sub- 
sided, and  when  their  appetites  were  somewhat 
satisfied,  the  discontented  voices  of  many  who 
had  been  long  used  to  other  fruits,  would  be 
recognized  even  amidst  the  shouts  of  the  majo- 
rity.    They  therefore  greatly  qualified  the  con- 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  209 

tract  between  the  nation  and  the  present  fruit- 
erers. An  universal  Toleration  of  Fruit  was 
allowed ;  but  no  man  was  to  take  office  under 
Government,  or  enter  the  services,  or  in  any  way 
become  connected  with  the  Court,  who  was  not 
supplied  from  the  Government  depots. 

Since  this  happy  restoration,  Pine-apple  has 
remained  the  established  fruit  of  the  Island  of 
Vraibleusia ;  and  it  must  be  confessed,  has  been 
found  wonderfully  conducive  to  the  health  and 
happiness  of  the  Islanders.  Some  sectarians  still 
remain  obstinate,  or  tasteless  enough,  to  prefer 
pumpkin,  or  gorge  the  most  acid  apples,  or  chew 
the  commonest  pears ;  but  they  form  a  slight  mi- 
nority, which  will  gradually  altogether  disappear. 
The  votaries  of  Pine-apple  pretend  tof  observe 
the  characteristic  effect  which  such  food  pro- 
duces upon  the  feeders.  They  denounce  them 
as  stupid,  sour,  and  vulgar. 

But  while,  notwithstanding  an  universal  tolera- 
tion, such  an  unanimity  of  taste  apparently  pre- 
vails throughout  the  island,  as  if  Fruit  were  a 


19^ 


210  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

subject  of  such  peculiar  nicety,  that  difference  of 
opinion  must  necessarily  rise  amons:  men,  great 
Fruit  factions  even  now  prevail  in  Vraibleusia ; 
and   what  is  more  extraordinary,   prevail  even 
among  the  admirers  of  pine-apples  themselves. 
Of  these,  the  most  important  is  a  sect  which  pro- 
fesses to  discover  a  natural  deficiency,  not  only 
in  all  other   fruits,   but   even  in  the  finest  pine- 
apples.    Fruit,  they  maintain,   should   never   be 
eaten  in  the  state   in  which  Nature  yields  it  to 
man  ;  and  they  consequently  are  very  indefatiga- 
ble in  prevailing  upon  the  less  discriminating  part 
of  mankind,  to  heighten  the  flavour  of  their  pine- 
apples with  ginger,  or  even  with   pepper.     Al- 
though they  profess  to  adopt    these    stimulants 
from  the  great  admiration  which  they  entertain 
for  a  high  flavour,  there  are,  nevertheless,  some 
less  ardent  people,  who  suspect,  that  they  rather 
have  recourse  to  them  from  the  weakness  of  their 
digestion. 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  211 


CHAPTER  XVI. 

As  his  Excellency  Prince  Popanilla  really 
could  not  think  of  being  annoyed  by  the  atten- 
tions of  the  mob  daring  his  visit  to  Blunderland, 
he  travelled  quite  in  a  quiet  way,  under  the  name 
of  the  Chevalier  de  Fantaisie ;  and  was  accom- 
panied only  by  Skindeep  and  two  attendants. 
As  Blunderland  was  one  of  the  islands  of  the 
Vraibleusian  Archipelago,  they  arrived  there  after 
the  sail  of  a  few  hours. 

The  country  was  so  beautiful,  that  the  Che- 
valier was  almost  reminded  of  Fantaisie.  Green 
meadows  and  flourishing  trees  made  him  remem- 
ber the  rail-roads  and  canals  of  Vraibleusia 
without  regret,  or  with  disgust,  which  is  much 


212  THE  VOYAGE  OP 

the  same.  The  women  were  angelic,  which  is 
the  highest  praise  ;  and  the  men  the  most  light- 
hearted,  merry,  obliging,  entertaining  fellows,  that 
he  had  met  with  in  the  whole  course  of  his  life. 
Och  !  it  was  delicious  ! 

After  an  hour's  dashing  drive,  he  arrived  at  a 
city  which,  had  he  not  seen  Hubbabub,  he 
should  have  considered  one  of  the  most  consider- 
able in  the  world  ;  but  compared  with  the  Vrai- 
bleusian  capital  it  was  a  street. 

Shortly  after  his  arrival,  according  to  the 
custom  of  the  place,  Popanilla  joined  the  pub- 
lic-table of  his  hotel  at  dinner.  He  was  rather 
surprised,  that  instead  of  knives  and  forks  being 
laid  for  the  convenience  of  the  guests,  the  plates 
were  flanked  by  daggers  and  pistols.  As  Popa- 
nilla now  made  it  a  point  of  never  asking  a 
question  of  Skindeep,  he  addressed  himself  for 
information  to  his  other  neighbour,  one  of 
the  civilest,  most  hospitable,  and  joyous  rogues 
that  ever  set  the  table  in  a  roar.  On  Popanilla 
inquiring  the  reason  of  their  using  these  singu- 


CAPTAIN    POPANILLA.  213 

lar  instruments,  his  neighbour,  with  an  air  of 
great  astonishment,  confessed  his  ignorance  of 
any  people  ever  using  any  other;  and,  in  his 
turn,  asked  how  they  could  possibly  eat  their 
dinner  without.  The  Chevalier  was  puzzled, 
but  he  was  now  too  well  bred  ever  to  pursue  an 
inquiry. 

Popanilla  being  very  thirsty,  helped  himself 
to  a  goblet  of  water,  which  was  at  hand.  It 
was  the  most  delightful  water  that  he  ever 
tasted.  In  a  few  minutes,  he  found  that  he 
was  a  little  dizzy,  and  supposing  this  megrim 
to  be  occasioned  by  the  heat  of  the  room,  he 
took  another  draught  of  water  to  recover  him- 
self. 

As  his  neighbour  was  telling  him  a  very  ex- 
cellent joke,  a  man  entered  the  room,  and  shot 
the  joker  through  the  head.  The  opposite 
guest  immediately  charged  his  pistol  with  ef- 
fect, and  revenged  the  loss.  A  party  of  men, 
well  armed,  now  rushed  in,  and  a  brisk  conflict 
immediately  ensued.     Popanilla,  who  was  very 


214  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

dizzy,  was  fortunately  pushed  under  the  table. 
VVhen  the  firing  and  slashing  had  ceased,  he 
ventured  to  crawl  out.  He  found  that  the  as- 
sailants had  been  beaten  off,  though  unfortu- 
nately with  the  total  loss  of  all  the  guests,  who 
lay  lifeless  about  the  room.  Even  the  prudent 
Skindeep,  who  had  sought  refuge  in  a  closet, 
had  lost  his  nose,  which  was  a  pity  ;  because, 
although  this  gentlennan  had  never  been  in 
Blunderland  before,  he  had  passed  his  whole 
life  in  maintaining  that  the  accounts  of  the  dis- 
turbances in  that  country  were  greatly  exagge- 
rated. Popanilla  rang  the  bell,  and  the  wait- 
ers, who  were  remarkably  attentive,  swept  away 
the  dead  bodies,  and  brought  him  a  roasted  po- 
tato for  supper. 

The  Chevalier  soon  retired  to  rest.  He 
found  at  the  side  of  his  bed,  a  blunderbuss,  a 
cutlass,  and  a  pike ;  and  he  was  directed  to  se- 
cure the  door  of  his  chamber  with  a  great  chain 
and  a  massy  iron  bar.  Feeling  great  confidence 
in  his   securities,  although   he  was  quite  igno- 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  215 

rant  of  the  cause  of  alarm,  and  very  much  ex- 
hausted with  the  bustle  of  the  day,  he  enjoyed 
sounder  sleep  than  had  refreshed  him  for  many 
weeks.  He  was  awakened  in  the  middle  of  the 
night  by  a  loud  knocking  at  his  door.  He  im- 
mediately seized  his  blunderbuss,  but  recogniz- 
ing the  voice  of  his  own  valet,  he  only  took  his 
pike.  His  valet  told  him  to  unbar  without  loss 
of  time,  for  the  house  had  been  set  on  fire. 
Popanilla  immediately  made  his  escape,  but 
found  himself  surrounded  by  the  incendiaries. 
He  gave  himself  up  for  lost,  when  a  sudden 
charge  of  cavalry  brought  him  off  in  triumph. 
He  was  convinced  of  the  utility  of  light-horse. 

The  Military  had  arrived  with  such  despatch 
that  the  fire  was  the  least  effective  that  had 
wakened  the  house  for  the  whole  week.  It  was 
soon  extinguished,  and  Popanilla  again  retired 
to  his  bed-room,  not  forgetting  his  bar  and  his 
chain. 

In  the  morning,  Popanilla  was  roused  by  his 
landlord,  who  told  him   that  a  large  party  was 


216  THE  VOYAGE  OP 

about  to  partake  of  the  pleasures  of  the  chase, 
and  most  politely  inquired  whether  he  would 
like  to  join  them.  Popanilla  assented,  and 
after  having  eaten  an  excellent  breakfast,  and 
received  a  favourable  bulletin  of  Skindeep's 
wound,  he  mounted  bis  horse.  The  party  was 
numerous  and  well  armed.  Popanilla  inquired 
of  a  huntsman  what  sport  they  generally  fol- 
lowed in  Blunderland.  According  to  the  cus- 
tom of  this  country,  where  they  never  give  a 
direct  ansv^er,  the  huntsman  said  that  he  did 
not  know  that  there  was  any  other  but  one 
sport.  Popanilla  thought  him  a  brute,  and 
dug  his  spurs  into  his  horse. 

They  went  off  at  a  fine  rate,  and  the  exercise 
was  most  exhilarating.  In  a  short  time,  as  they 
were  cantering  along  a  defile,  they  received  a 
sharp  fire  from  each  side,  which  rather  reduced 
their  numbers ;  but  they  revenged  themselves 
for  this  loss,  when  they  regained  the  plain, 
where  they  burnt  two  villages,  slew  two  or  three 
hundred  head   of  women,   and  bagged   children 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  217 

without  number.  On  their  return  home  to  din- 
ner, they  chased  a  small  body  of  men  over  a  heath 
for  nearly  two  hours,  who  afforded  good  sport ; 
but  they  did  not  succeed  in  running  them  down,  as 
they  themselves  were  in  turn  chased  by  another 
party.  Altogether  the  day  was  not  deficient  in 
interest ;  and  Popanilla  found  in  the  evening  his 
powers  of  digestion  improved. 

After  passing  his  days  in  this  manner  for  about 
a  fortnight,  Popanilla  perfectly  recovered  from 
his  dyspepsia ;  and  Skindeep's  wound  having  now 
healed,  he  retired  with  regret  from  this  healthy 
chmate.  He  took  advantage  of  the  leisure  mo- 
ment, which  was  afforded  during  the  sail,  to  in- 
quire the  reason  of  the  disturbed  state  of  this 
interesting  country.  He  was  told,  that  it  was  in 
consequence  of  the  majority  of  the  inhabitants 
persisting  in  importing  their  own  Pine-apples. 


20 


218  THE  VOYAGE  OF 


CHAPTER  XVII. 

On  his  return  to  Hubbabub,  the  ChevaHer  de 
Fantaisie  found  the  city  in  the  greatest  confusion. 
The  mihtary  were  marshalled  in  all  directions — 
the  streets  were  lined  with  field-pieces — no  one 
was  abroad — all  the  shops  were  shut.  Although 
not  a  single  vehicle  was  visible,  Popanilla's  pro- 
gress was  slow,  from  the  quantity  of  shells  of  all 
kinds  which  choked  up  the  public  way.  When 
he  arrived  at  his  hotel,  he  found  that  all  the  win- 
dows were  broken.  He  entered,  and  his  landlord 
immediately  presented  him  with  his  bill.  As  the 
landlord  was  pressing,  and  as  Popanilla  wished 
for  an  opportunity  of  showing  his  coiifidence  in 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  219 

Skindeep's  friendship,  he  requested  him  to  pay 
the  amount.  Skindeep  sent  a  messenger  immedi- 
ately to  his  banker;  deeming  an  ambassador  al- 
most as  good  security  as  a  nation,  which  we  all 
know  to  be  the  very  best. 

This  little  arrangement  being  concluded,  the 
landlord  resumed  his  usual  civility.  He  inform- 
ed the  travellers,  that  the  whole  island  was  in  a 
state  of  the  greatest  commotion,  and  that  martial 
law  universally  prevailed.  He  said  that  this  dis- 
turbance was  occasioned  by  the  return  of  the  expe- 
dition destined  to  the  Isle  of  Fantaisie.  It  appear- 
ed, from  his  account,  that  after  sailing  about  from 
New  Guinea  to  New  Holland,  the  expedition  had 
been  utterly  unable  not  only  to  reach  their  new 
customers,  but  even  to  obtain  the  slightest  intelli- 
gence of  their  locahty.  No  such  place  as  Fan- 
taisie was  known  at  Ceylon.  Sumatra  gave  in- 
formation equally  unsatisfactory.  Java  shook  its 
head.  Celebes  conceived  the  inquirers  were 
jesting.     The  Philippine  Isles  offered  to  accom- 


THE   VOYAGE  OF 

modate  them  with  spices,  but  could  assist  them  in 
no  other  way.  Had  it  not  been  too  hot  at  Bor- 
neo, they  would  have  fairly  laughed  outright. 
The  Maldives  and  the  Moluccas,  the  Laccadives 
and  the  Andamans,  were  nearly  as  impertinent. 
The  five  hundred  ships,  and  the  judiciously  as- 
sorted cargo,  were  therefore  under  the  necessity 
of  returning  home. 

No  sooner,  however,  had  they  reached  Vrai- 
bleusia,  than  the  markets  were  immediately 
glutted  with  the  unsold  goods.  All  the  manu- 
facturers, who  had  been  working  day  and  night 
in  preparing  for  the  next  expedition,  were  in- 
stantly thrown  out  of  employ.  A  run  com- 
menced on  the  Government  Bank.  That  in- 
stitution perceived  too  late,  that  the  issues  of 
pink  shells  had  been  too  unrestricted.  As  the 
Emperor  of  the  East  had  all  the  gold,  the 
Government  Bank  only  protected  itself  from 
failure  by  bayoneting  its  creditors.  The  ma- 
nufacturers, who  were  starving,   consoled  them- 


CAPTAIN    POPANILLA.  221 

selves  for  the  absence  of  food  by  breaking  all 
the  windows  in  the  country  with  the  discarded 
shells.  Every  tradesman  failed.  The  shipping 
interest  advertised  two  or  three  fleets  for  fire- 
wood. Riots  were  universal.  The  Aboriginal 
was  attacked  on  all  sides,  and  made  so  stout  a 
resistance,  and  broke  so  many  cudgels  on  the 
backs  of  his  assailants,  that  it  was  supposed 
he  would  be  finally  exhausted  by  his  own  exer- 
tions. The  pubUc  funds  sunk  ten  per  cent, 
daily.  All  the  Millionaires  crashed.  In  a 
word,  dismay,  disorganization,  despair,  perva- 
ded, in  all  directions,  the  wisest,  the  greatest, 
and  the  richest  nation  in  the  world.  The 
master  of  the  hotel  added,  with  an  air  of  be- 
coming embarrassment,  that  had  not  his  Ex- 
cellency been  fortunately  absent,  he  probably 
would  not  have  had  the  pleasure  of  detailing 
to  him  this  little  narrative;  that  he  had  often 
been  inquired   for  by  the   populace   at  his   old 

balcony ;   and    that  a    crowd    had    perpetually 
20* 


2^  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

«urrounded  the  house  till  within  the  last  day, 
when  a  report  had  got  about  that  his  Excel- 
lency had  turned  into  steam  and  disappeared. 
He  added,  that  caricatures  of  his  Highness 
might  be  procured  in  any  shop,  and  his  account  of 
his  voyage  obtained  at  less  than  half  price. 

"Ah!"  said  Popanilla,  in  a  tone  of  great 
anguish,  "and  all  this  from  losing  a  lock  of 
hair !" 

At  this  moment,  the  messenger  whom  Skin- 
deep  had  despatched,  returned,  and  informed 
him  with  great  regret,  that  his  banker,  to  whom 
he  had  entrusted  his  whole  fortune,  had  been 
so  unlucky  as  to  stop  payment  during  his  ab- 
sence. It  was  expected,  however,  that  when 
his  stud  was  sold,  a  respectable  dividend  might 
be  realized.  This  was  the  personage  of  pre- 
possessing appearance,  who  had  presented 
Popanilla  with  a  perpetual  ticket  to  his  picture- 
gallery.  On  examining  the  banker's  accounts, 
it  was  discovered,  that  his  chief  loss  had  been 


CAPTAIN   POPANILLA.  223 

incurred  by  supporting  that  competition  esta- 
blishment, where  purses  were  bought  full  of 
crowns. 

In  spite  of  his  own  misfortunes,  Popanilla 
hastened  to  console  his  friend.  He  explained 
to  him,  that  things  were  not  quite  so  bad  as 
they  appeared ;  that  society  consisted  of  two 
classes — those  who  laboured,  and  those  who 
paid  the  labourers — that  each  class  was  equally 
useful,  because,  if  there  were  none  to  pay,  the 
labourers  would  not  be  remunerated ;  and  if 
there  were  none  to  labour,  the  payers  would 
not  be  accommodated ;  that  .Skindeep  might 
still  rank  in  one  of  these  classes  ;  that  he  might 
therefore  slill  be  an  useful  member  of  society  ; 
that  if  he  were  useful,  he  must  therefore  be 
good  ;  and  that,  if  he  were  good,  he  must  there- 
fore be  happy ;  because  Happiness  is  the  conse- 
quence of  assisting  the  beneficial  developement 
of  the  ameliorating  principles  of  the  social 
action. 


224  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

As  he  was  speaking,  two  gentlemen  in  blue, 
with  red  waistcoats,  entered  the  chamber,  and 
seized  Popanilla  by  the  collar.  The  Vraibleu- 
sian  Government,  which  is  so  famous  for  its 
interpretation  of  National  Law,  had  arrested  the 
Ambassador  for  high-treason. 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  226 


CHAPTER  XVIII. 

A  Prison  conveyed  the  most  lugubrious  ideas 
to  the  mind  of  the  unhappy  Plenipotentiary; 
and  shut  up  in  a  hackney-coach,  with  a  man  on 
each  side  of  him  with  a  cocked  pistol,  he  formed 
the  most  gloomy  conceptions  of  dark  dungeons, 
confined  cells,  overwhelming  fetters,  black  bread, 
and  green  water.  He  arrived  at  the  principal 
gaol  in  Hubbabub.  He  was  ushered  into  an  ele- 
gantly furnished  apartment,  with  French  sash 
windows  and  a  piano.  Its  lofty  walls  were  en- 
tirely hung  with  a  fanciful  paper,  which  repre- 
sented a  Tuscan  vineyard ;  the  ceiling  was 
covered  with  sky  and  clouds ;  roses  were  in 
abundance;     and    the    windows,    though     well 


226  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

secured,  excited  no  jarring  associations  in  the 
mind  of  the  individual  they  illumined,  protected, 
as  they  were,  by  polished  bars  of  cut-steel.  This 
retreat  had  been  fitted  up  by  a  poetical  politician, 
who  had  recently  been  confined  for  declaring, 
that  the  Statue  was  an  old  idol,  originally  im- 
ported from  the  Sandwich  Isles.  Taking  up  a 
brilliantly  bound  volume,  which  reposed  upon  a 
rose-wood  table,  Popanilla  recited  aloud  a  son- 
net to  Liberty;  but  the  account  given  of  the 
goddess  by  the  bard  was  so  confused,  and  he 
seemed  so  little  acquainted  with  his  subject,  that 
the  reader  began  to  suspect  it  was  an  effusion  of 
the  gaoler. 

Next  to  being  a  Plenipotentiary,  Popanilla 
preferred  being  a  prisoner.  His  daily  meals  con- 
sisted of  every  delicacy  in  season :  a  marble  bath 
was  ever  at  his  service ;  a  billiard-room  and 
dumb-bells  always  ready ;  and  his  old  friends,  the 
most  eminent  physician,  and  the  most  celebrated 
practitioner  in  Hubbabub,  called  upon  him  daily 
to  feel  his  pulse  and  look  at  his  tongue.     These 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  227 

attentions  authorised  a  hope  that  he  might  yet 
again  be  an  Ambassador ;  that  his  native  land 
might  still  be  discovered,  and  its  resources  still 
be  developed:  but  when  his  gaoler  told  him, 
that  the  rest  of  the  prisoners  v^'ere  treated  in  a 
manner  equally  indulgent,  because  the  Vrai- 
bleusians  are  the  most  humane  people  in  the 
vsrorld,  Popanilla's  spirits  became  somewhat  de- 
pressed. 

He  was  greatly  consoled,  however,  by  a  daily 
visit  from  a  body  of  the  most  beautiful,  the 
most  accomplished,  and  the  most  virtuous 
females  in  Hubbabub  ;  who  tasted  his  food  to 
see  that  his  cook  did  his  duty,  recommended 
him  a  plentiful  use  of  pine-apple  well  peppered, 
and  made  him  a  present  of  a  very  handsome 
shirt,  with  worked  frills  and  ruffles,  to  be  hanged 
m.  This  enchanting  committee  generally  con- 
fined their  attentions  to  murderers,  and  other 
victims  of  the  passions,  who  were  deserted  in 
their  hour  of  need  by  the  rest  of  the  society  they 
had  outraged  ;  but  Popanilla  being  a  foreigner,  a 


228  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

a  Prince,  and  a  Plenipotentiary,  and  not  ill- 
looking,  naturally  attracted  a  great  deal  of  notice 
from  those  who  desire  the  amehoration  of  their 
species. 

Popanilla  was  so  pleased  with  his  mode  of 
life,  and  had  acquired  such  a  taste  for  poetry, 
pine-apples,  and  pepper,  since  he  had  ceased  to 
be  an  active  member  of  society,  that  he  applied 
to  have  his  trial  postponed,  on  the  ground  of  the 
prejudice  which  had  been  excited  against  him  by 
the  public  press.  As  his  trial  was  at  present  in- 
convenient to  the  Government,  the  postpone- 
ment was  allowed  on  these  grounds. 

In  the  meantime,  the  public  agitation  was 
subsiding.  The  nation  reconciled  itself  to  the 
revolution  in  its  fortunes.  The  ci-devant  Mil- 
lionaires were  busied  with  retrenchment ;  the 
Government  engaged  in  sweeping  in  as  many 
pink  shells  as  were  laying  about  the  country; 
the  mechanics  contrived  to  live  upon  chalk 
and  sea-weed :  and  as  the  Aboriginal  would 
not  give  his  corn  away  gratis,  the  Vraibleusians 


A 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  229 

determined  to  give  up  bread.  The  intellectual 
part  of  the  nation  were  intently  interested  in  dis- 
covering the  cause  of  the  National  Distress. 
One  of  the  philosophers  said,  that  it  might  all 
be  traced  to  the  effects  of  a  war  in  which  the 
Vraibleusians  had  engaged  about  a  century  be- 
fore. Another  showed  that  it  was  altogether 
clearly  ascribable  to  the  pernicious  custom  of 
issuing  pink  shells  ;  but  if,  instead  of  this  mode 
of  representing  wealth,  they  had  had  recourse 
to  blue  shells,  the  nation  would  now  have  ad- 
vanced to  a  state  of  prosperity,  which  it  had 
never  yet  reached.  A  third  demonstrated,  to 
the  satisfaction  of  himself  and  his  immediate 
circle,  that  it  was  all  owing  to  the  Statue  hav- 
ing recently  been  repaired  with  silver  instead  of 
iron.  The  public  was  unable  to  decide  between 
these  confficting  opinions ;  but  they  were  still 
more  desirous  of  finding  out  a  remedy  for  the 
evil,  than  the  cause  of  it. 

An    eloquent  and    philosophical   writer,  who 

entertains  very  consolatory  opinions  of  human 
21 


230  THE  VOYAGE  OT 

nature,  has  recently  told  us,  that  "  it  is  in  the 
nature  of  things  that  the  intellectual  wants  of 
society  should  be  supplied.  Whenever  the  man 
is  required — invariably  the  man  will  appear." 
So  it  happened  in  the  present  instance.  A  pub- 
lic instructor  jumped  up  in  the  person  of  Mr. 
Flummery  Flam — the  least  insinuating  and  the 
least  plausible  personage  that  ever  performed 
the  easy  task  of  gulling  a  nation.  His  manners 
were  vulgar,  his  voice  was  sharp,  and  his  lan- 
guage almost  unintelligible.  Flummery  Flam 
was  a  provisional  optimist.  He  maintained  that 
every  thing  would  be  for  the  best,  if  the  nation 
would  only  follow  his  advice.  He  told  the 
Vraibleusians,  that  the  present  universal  and 
overwhelming  distress  was  all  and  entirely  and 
merely  to  be  ascribed  to  "a  shght  overtrad- 
ing," and  that  all  that  was  required  to  set 
every  thing  right  again  was  a  "little  time." 
He  showed  that  this  overtrading  and  every 
other  injudicious  act  that  had  ever  been  com- 
mitted, was  entirely  to  be  ascribed  to  the  nation 


CAPTAIN    POPANILLA.  231 

being  imbued  with  erroneous  and  imperfect 
ideas  of  the  nature  of  Demand  and  Supply. 
He  proved  to  them,  that  if  a  tradesman  cannot 
find  customers,  his  goods  will  generally  stay 
upon  his  own  hands.  He  explained  to  the 
Aboriginal  the  meaning  of  rent;  to  the  mecha- 
nics the  nature  of  wages  ;  to  the  manufacturers 
the  signification  of  profits.  He  recommended 
that  a  large  edition  of  his  own  work  should  be 
printed  at  the  public  expense,  and  sold  for  his 
private  profit.  Finally,  he  explained  how  an 
immediate,  though  temporary,  relief  would  be 
afforded  to  the  State,  by  the  encouragement  of 
Emigration. 

The  Vraibleusians  began  to  recover  their 
spirits.  The  Government  had  the  highest  con- 
fidence in  Flummery  Flam,  because  Flummery 
Flam  served  to  divert  the  public  thoughts.  By 
his  direction,  lectures  were  instituted  at  the 
corner  of  every  street,  to  instil  the  right  prin- 
ciples of  politics  into  the  mind  of  the  great 
body  of  the  people.      Every  person  from    the 


232  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

Managers  of  the  Statue  down  to  the  chalk-chew- 
ing mechanics,  attended  lectures  on  Flummerj- 
Flammism.  The  Vraibleusians  suddenly  dis- 
covered, that  it  was  the  great  object  of  a  nation 
not  to  be  the  most  powerful,  or  the  richest,  or 
the  best,  or  the  wisest,  but  to  be  the  most  Flum- 
mery-Flammistical. 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  233 


CHAPTER  XIX. 


The  day  fixed  for  Popanilla's  trial  was  at 
hand.  The  Prince  was  not  unprepared  for  the 
meeting.  For  some  weeks  before  the  appointed 
day,  he  had  been  deeply  studying  the  published 
speeches  of  the  greatest  rhetorician  that  flou- 
rished at  the  Vraibleusian  bar.  He  was  so 
inflated  with  their  style,  that  he  nearly  blew 
down  the  gaoler  every  morning  when  he  re- 
hearsed a  passage  before  him.  Indeed,  Popa- 
nilla  looked  forward  to  his  trial  with  feelings 
of  anticipated  triumph.  He  determined  boldly 
and  fearlessly  to  state  the  principles  upon 
which  his   public    conduct  had  been  founded, 

the  sentiments    he    professed  on  most  of   the 
21* 


234  THE  VOYAGE  OP 

important  subjects  which  interest  mankind,  and 
the  views  he  entertained  of  the  progress  of  So- 
ciety. He  would  then  describe,  in  the  most 
glowing  language,  the  domestic  happiness  which 
he  enjoyed  in  his  native  Isle.  He  would  paint, 
in  harrowing  sentences,  the  eternal  misery  and 
disgrace  which  his  ignominious  execution  would 
entail  upon  the  gray-headed  father,  who  looked 
up  to  him  as  a  prop  for  his  old  age — the  af- 
fectionate mother  who  perceived  in  him  her 
husband  again  a  youth — the  devoted  wife,  who 
could  never  survive  his  loss — and  the  sixteen 
children,  chiefly  girls,  whom  his  death  would 
infallibly  send  upon  the  parish.  This,  with 
an  eulogistic  peroration  on  the  moral  qualities 
of  the  Vraibleusians,  and  the  political  import- 
ance of  Vraibleusia,  would,  he  had  no  doubt, 
not  only  save  his  neck,  but  even  gain  him  a  mode- 
rate pension. 

The  day  arrived,  the  Court  was  crowded, 
and  Popanilla  had  the  satisfaction  of  observing 
in   the  newspapers,  that   tickets   for    the  best 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  235 

gallery  to  witness  his  execution,  were  selling 
at  a  premium.  The  indictment  was  read.  He 
Ustened  to  it  with  intense  attention.  To  his 
surprise,  he  found  himself  accused  of  stealing 
two  hundred  and  nineteen  Camelopards.  All 
was  now  explained.  He  perceived  that  he  had 
been  mistaken  the  whole  of  this  time  for  ano- 
ther person.  He  could  not  contain  himself. 
He  burst  into  an  exclamation.  He  told  the 
judge,  in  a  voice  of  mingled  delight,  humility, 
and  triumph,  that  it  was  possible  he  might 
be  guilty  of  high  treason,  because  he  was  igno- 
rant of  what  the  crime  consisted — but  as  for 
stealing  two  hundred  and  nineteen  camelo- 
pards, he  declared  that  such  a  larceny  was  a 
moral  impossibility,  because  he  had  never  seen 
one  such  animal  in  the  whole  course  of  his 
life. 

The  Judge  was  most  kind  and  considerate. 
He  told  the  prisoner,  that  the  charge  of  stealing 
Camelopards  was  a  fiction  of  law  ;  that  he  had 
no  doubt  he  had  never  seen  one  in  the  whole 


236  ,   THE  VOYAGE  OF 

course  of  his  life,  nor  in  all  probability  had 
any  one  in  the  whole  Court.  He  explained  to 
Popanilla,  that,  originally,  this  animal  greatly 
abounded  in  Vraibleusia ;  that  the  present 
Court,  the  highest  and  most  ancient  in  the 
kingdom,  had  then  been  instituted  for  the 
punishment  of  all  those  who  molested  or  in- 
jured that  splendid  animal.  The  species,  his 
Lordship  continued,  had  been  long  extinct; 
but  the  Vraibleusians,  duly  reverencing  the  in- 
stitutions of  their  ancestors,  had  never  pre- 
sumed to  abrogate  the  authority  of  the  Came- 
lopard  Court,  or  invest  any  other  with  equal 
privileges.  Therefore,  his  Lordship  added,  in 
order  to  try  you  in  this  Court  for  a  modern 
offence  of  high  treason,  you  must  first  be  in- 
troduced by  fiction  of  law  as  a  stealer  of  Came- 
lopards,  and  then  being  in  prcesenti  regio,  in  a 
manner,  we  proceed  to  business  by  a  special 
power  for  the  absolute  offence.  Popanilla  was 
so  confounded  by  the  kindness  of  the  Judge, 


CAPTAIN    rOPANILLA.  237 

and  the  clearness  of  his  Lordship's  statement,  that 
he  quite  lost  the  thread  of  his  peroration. 

The  trial  proceeded.  Every  body  with  whom 
Popanilla  had  conversed  during  his  visit  to  Vrai- 
bleusia  was  subpoenaed  against  him,  and  the  evi- 
dence was  conclusive.  Skindeep,  who  was 
brought  up  by  a  warrant  from  the  King's  Bench, 
proved  the  fact  of  Popanilla's  landing  ;  and  that 
he  had  given  himself  out  as  a  political  exile,  the 
victim  of  a  tyrant,  a  corrupt  aristocracy,  and  a 
misguided  people.  But  either  from  a  secret 
feeling  towards  his  former  friend,  or  from  his 
aversion  to  answer  questions,  this  evidence  was, 
on  the  whole,  not  very  satisfactory. 

The  bookseller  proved  the  publication  of  that 
fatal  volume,  whose  deceptive  and  glowing  state- 
ments were  alone  sufficient  to  ensure  Popanilla's 
fate.  It  was  in  vain  that  the  author  avowed  that 
he  had  never  written  a  line  of  his  own  book. 
This  only  made  his  imposture  more  evident. 
The  little  philosopher,  with  whom  he  had  con- 


238  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

versed  at  Lady  Spirituelle's,  and  who,  being  a 
friend  of  Flummery  Flam,  had  now  obtained  a 
place  under  Government,  invented  the  most  con- 
demning evidence.  The  Marquess  of  Moustache 
sent  in  a  state  paper,  desiring  to  be  excused  from 
giving  evidence  on  account  of  the  delicate  situa- 
tion in  which  he  had  been  placed  with  regard  to 
the  prisoner ;  but  he  referred  them  to  his  former 
Private  Secretary,  who,  he  had  no  doubt,  would 
afford  every  information.  Accordingly,  the  Presi- 
dent of  Fort  Jobation,  who  had  been  brought 
over  specially,  finished  the  business. 

The  Judge,  although  his  family  had  suffered 
considerably  by  the  late  madness  for  speculation, 
summed  up  in  the  most  impartial  manner.  He 
told  the  jury,  that,  although  the  case  was  quite 
clear  against  the  prisoner,  they  were  bound  to 
give  him  the  advantage  of  every  reasonable 
doubt.  The  foreman  was  about  to  deliver  the 
verdict,  when  a  trumpet  sounded,  and  a  Govern' 
ment  messenger  ran  breathless  into  court.     Pre* 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  239 

senting  a  scroll  to  the  presiding  genius,  he 
informed  him  that  a  remarkably  able  young  man, 
recently  appointed  one  of  the  Managers  of  the 
Statue,  in  consequence  of  the  inconvenience 
which  the  public  sustained  from  the  innumera- 
ble quantity  of  edicts  of  the  Statue  at  present 
m  force,  had  last  night  consolidated  them  all 
into  this  single  act ;  which,  to  render  its  opera- 
tion still  more  simple,  was  gifted  with  a  retro- 
spective power  for  the  last  half  century. 

His  Lordship,  looking  over  the  scroll,  passed 
a  high  eulogium  upon  the  young  consolidator ; 
compared  to  whom,  he  said,  Justinian  was  a 
country  attorney.  Observing,  however,  that 
the  crime  of  high  treason  had  been  accidentally 
omitted  in  the  consolidated  legislation  of  Vrai- 
bleusia,  he  directed  the  jury  to  find  the  prisoner 
*'  not  guilty."  As  in  Vraibleusia  the  law  beheves 
every  man's  character  to  be  perfectly  pure, 
until  a  jury  of  twelve  persons  finds  the  reverse, 
Popanilla  was    kicked   out   of  court,   amid  the 


240  THE  VOYAGE  OP 

hootings  of  the  mob,  without  a  stain   upon   his 
reputation. 

It  was  very  late  in  the  evening  when  he  left 
the  court.  Exhausted  both  in  mind  and  body, 
the  individual  who  had  recently  had  the  grati- 
fication of  being  declared  innocent  by  the  laws 
of  the  country  in  which  he  lived,  at  last  sunk 
down  nearly  senseless  upon  the  steps  of  the 
Asiatic  Club-house.  The  smell  of  mulligatawny 
soup  revived  him  exceedingly,  and  being  of  a 
reflecting  mind,  he  now  discovered  the  utility  of 
those  odours,  which  before  had  only  incon- 
venienced him.  The  mischief  being  now  done, 
and  being  totally  unemployed,  according  to 
custom,  Popanilla  began  to  moralize.  "1  be- 
gin to  perceive,"  said  he,  "  that  it  is  possible 
for  a  nation  to  exist  in  too  artificial  a  state — that 
a  people  may  both  think  too  much  and  do  too 
much.  All  here  exists  in  a  state  of  exaggera- 
tion. The  nation  itself  professes  to  be  in  a 
situation  in  which  it   is  impossible  for  any  na- 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  241 

tion  ever  to  be  naturally  placed.  To  maintain 
themselves  in  this  false  position,  they  necessarily 
have  recourse  to  much  destructive  conduct,  and 
to  many  fictitious  principles.  And  as  the  charac- 
ter of  a  people  is  modelled  on  that  of  their  Go- 
vernment, in  private  life  this  system  of  exaggera- 
tion equally  prevails,  and  equally  produces  a  due 
quantity  of  ruinous  actions,  and  false  sentiment ! 
In  the  mean  time,  I  am  starving,  and  dare  not 
show  my  face  in  the  light  of  day  !" 

As  he  said  this,  the  house  opposite  was  suddenly 
lit  up,  and  the  words  "  ExMigration  committee" 
was  distinctly  visible  on  a  transparent  blind.  A 
sudden  resolution  entered  Popanilla's  mind  to 
make  an  application  to  this  body.  He  entered 
the  Committee-room,  and  took  his  place  at  the 
end  of  a  row  of  individuals,  who  were  severally 
examined.  When  it  was  his  turn  to  come  for- 
ward, he  began  to  tell  his  story  from  the  begin- 
ning, and  would  certainly  have  got  to  the  lock  of 
hair,  had    not  the   President   enjoined   silence. 

Popanilla  was  informed  that  the  last  Emigration- 

22 


242  THE  VOYAGE  OF 

squadron  was  to  about  to  sail  in  a  few  minutes  ; 
and  that  although  the  number  was  completed,  his 
broad  shoulders  and  powerful  frame  had  gained 
him  a  place.  He  was  presented  with  a  spade, 
a  blanket,  and  a  hard  biscuit ;  and  in  a  quarter  of 
an  hour  was  quitting  the  port  of  Hubbabub. 

''  Once  more  upon  the  waters — yet  once  more  I" 

As  the  Emigration-squadron  quitted  the  har- 
bour, two  large  fleets  hove  in  sight.  The  first 
was  the  expedition  which  had  been  despatched 
against  the  decapitating  King  of  the  North,  and 
which  now  returned,  heavily  laden  with  his  res- 
cued subjects.  The  other  was  the  force  which 
had  flown  to  the  preservation  of  the  body  of  the 
decapitated  King  of  the  South,  and  which  now 
brought  back  his  Majesty  embalmed,  half  a  hun- 
dred Princes  of  the  blood,  and  a  whole  emigrant 
Aristocracy. 

What  became  of  the  late  Fantaisian  Ambassa- 
dor, whether  he  were  destined  for  Van  Dieman's 
Land,  or  for  Canada ;   what  rare  adventures  he 


CAPTAIN  POPANILLA.  243 

experienced  in  Sydney,  or  Port  Jackson,  or 
Guelph  City,  or  Goodrich  Town  ;  and  whether 
he  discovered  that  man  might  exist  in  too  natural 
a  state,  as  well  as  in  too  artificial  a  one  ;  will 
probably  be  discovered,  if  ever  we  ever  obtain 
Captain  Popanilla's  Second  Voyage. 


THE  END 


